<p>Let me start off from the beginning so I can get a real perspective from outside sources other than my family. </p>
<p>I am a gay black male from Atlanta, GA that is currently a sophomore at a university in GA.
I feel very blessed that I am able to attend college because when I graduate, Ill be the first male in my family to graduate from college. Most of my family has attained success but through the military. Anyway I grew up in a mainly liberal household, no strict religious view or anything, but when I came out of the closet my parents were really upset which really got me depressed because their opinions were really important to me. I also got outed in high school by a untrustworthy, backstabbing individual at 14. Do you guys know how hard it is being black, tall, and muscular having this look of a pro athlete but being gay at the same time? ugh! anyway my grades fell from truancy, and I ended up at a alternative high school where you can make up classes that you failed in a shorter amount of time. The people there were horrid, ghetto, wild, stinky, rude, and uninterested in learning! The teachers were mean because of the way most of the students at the school were. Lets not mention that the school was about 30 minutes from my house and I couldn’t get a license because I had missed so many days of school. I had to ride the MARTA to school everyday, and a 30 minute trip was turned into a 2 hour trip. School started at 7:45 and if you were late to many times you were dropped from the class. ***!!! So I was waking up early as crap everyday to go to this horrible school, where I had no friends, and coming home super late. I was also lying about what school I transferred to because of embarrassment. On top of all of that I found out I had a kidney disorder that was causing a plethora of other problems. In the end I got straight As in all of my classes, raised up my GPA and went back to my home school, but I felt the damage of depression then. I just wasn’t me anymore. I felt some relief After taking the SAT’S and getting a above average score compared to most students in my district. I got into the school I THOUGHT I wanted to go to.</p>
<p>So I start my freshman year at this University, and I met a upperclassmen who was telling me all of these things to not do because it would make me look like a freshman. One of the things he told me was that I needed to dress down to go to class because people who put in a decent amount of effort to get ready for class appear to be trying to hard, blah, blah, blah. Turns out I looked like a complete idiot, AND first impressions are really important! By the end of the first month of school I was sleeping too much, missing classes, eating alone, and in the house on weekends while everyone else at my school was partying and seemingly having the times of their lives. Once you don’t meet any friends at college it becomes really hard to meet new people. It is especially hard for me to find other likeminded individuals as a Gay, and Black student at a predominately white university. I am very open to other races of people, however most of the whites at my university just don’t seem to click with me because of their origins. I am from a more urban setting while most of them were from rural and far out suburbs that might as well have been a different world from mines. I am by no means racist, or classist. I guess I just wanted Hipster type friends. Anyway it was very hard to meet new people because I had no friends to even go around campus with, and all I can think about is how much of a loser I seem because I don’t have any friends, and who wants to be friends with someone who is always alone. I ended up eating in my room alone all the time. I was hiding in my room on weekends so my roommate wouldn’t know I was in my room laying on my back miserably. After a while I stopped eating regularly because I was afraid to leave my room because I hated being seen alone eating. It hurts so much to see other people with friends, and I somehow couldn’t find any. Did I not mention that my grades were awful and I barely made the minimum required grade point average. I just cried in my room every night hoping things would change, and I was becoming suicidal, and on top of that I had gotten really out of shape.</p>
<p>Moving on to the next semester. Things didn’t get much better. I was doing the same thing as the previous semester. I am skipping some parts though. I did have one friend I knew from back home, she however seems to have severe depression, and went M.I.A. for weeks. Anyway I met some new people and things were starting to shape up. My grades were better and I had met new friends, but they were seniors and graduated so I pretty got left out in the cold when It came time for sophomore year. I also didn’t have anyone to room with the next year so I ended up calling a new apartment complex and doing a random roommate signup. </p>
<p>Sophomore year rolls around, and I got a new car, and things seem better because Im feeling optimistic about meeting new people at school. I go to a few parties but its always weird because I’m the only gay person at the party, and I’m also not completely open about my sexuality so girls are always trying to talk to me but of course I’m not interested in that way. Anyway I meet two new guy friends and they seem cool but they don’t know I’m gay and they make a lot of derogatory comments about gay people. Actually one of their brothers is gay and he said that he and his family have completely cut him off, which pretty much ended the idea of coming out to either one of them. I kind of cut things off with both of them after I really got to know them and the fun ended then. I’m always alone in my room now, in a four bedroom apartment all by myself. I can’t find a decent boyfriend, a friend or anything here and I just don’t know what to do anymore. In high school most of my friends were girls, and in college most girls always think I want to date them or something even though I never imply that I’m interested in the slightest way so the chances of friendship with females(my comfort zone) are slim. On top of that my license is suspended because of the lame cops down here that give you tickets for high beam lights on dark, long, scary, unlit roads. And outrageous speeding tickets that are unaffordable. The police here harass us! Sometimes I’m just studying or watching TV and I start crying because of how unsatisfying my quality of life is here. I really just want real friends, that I can really talk to, and do things with to let some steam out after all of the studying I have to do as a chem major. I wish I had friends close enough that I know they’re going to answer the phone when I’m in my room crying my eyes out. what the hell is wrong with me?</p>