Unique circumstances, should i take time off?

Graduate School
1

<p>I’m not quite sure where to put this, but it concerns my grad school dreams - if it would be better answered elsewhere, feel free to move it.</p>

<p>Backstory:
I’m a prospective Neuroscience/Chinese major and just finished my freshman year. In January, a very close former friend of mine and I got into a drunken verbal fight at a friend’s party that ended in him hitting me in the face with the blade of a shovel. We were both staying the night and were alone on the downstairs, so no one else was around. Basically, he and I were best friends in high school, I’m gay, he’s closeted, and he came out to me one night. We hooked up on and off, but he was always insistent on his heterosexuality. I eventually got tired of mistressing, leading to this fight. We were arguing about something pointless, and that escalated to how we both felt betrayed by the other, and then led to petty name-calling. During the fight I took his ipod and refused to return it (I realize my culpability in everything that follows). He eventually left, but came back 5-10 minutes later while I was lying down and threatened to hit me with the shovel if i didn’t return it. I <em>knew</em> he was bluffing, so I called him on it, but wound up getting my face slashed down the middle. There was a physical confrontation that ended in me, obviously, going to the ER. I was concussed, with two major lacerations on my eyebrow and through my lips.</p>

<p>I decided not to press charges, since he would have served years and wouldn’t survive prison. I still feel like this was the right decision, but dealing with the aftermath of all this has been really, really hard and I don’t know what to do anymore. I have panic attacks at random times, several times a day. I saw a therapist once, but I lost my insurance and my school’s counselors suck, so now I can’t see anyone. <em>I’m not suicidal</em>, but I’m think about dying constantly, and can’t go for more than ten minutes without feeling crushing depression. I’ve been told I have PTSD, and I have horrible insomnia now, and socializing makes me incredibly anxious in a way I’ve never felt before. The seemingly weird thing is that these problems only appeared some time after the assault, and they seem to keep getting worse.</p>

<p>The problem you can help me with:
My grades. First semester, I had a 3.9. Second semester, I had a 3.3, with B’s in bio and chem, which I need for my major. Obviously that’s not too bad given the circumstances, but I also just finished my summer class, and I think I got an F. I’m signed up for a pretty intense schedule next semester, and I want to go on to a PhD and research the biological processes behind language development. I know I still have it in me to succeed, but right now I can barely hold myself together, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle next semester. How do I make up for an F if I want to go to MIT for grad school? How does it look to take time off for mental health reasons? Basically, how can I minimize the damage this will do to my academic aspirations?</p>

2

<p>Don’t worry about grad school right now. Take care of more immediate problems. Baby steps. Don’t look so far forward.</p>

3

<p>I agree with BrownParent - right now, your main concern is your own mental health. But I also want to assuage your fears, because nobody wants to get to their future and feel like they made a big mistake taking care of themselves.</p>

<p>No, it absolutely will not hurt you to take a year off for mental health reasons. When you apply to graduate school, you will have an opportunity to explain; you can just say that you took a year off for health reasons and leave it at that.</p>

<p>As for the F - well, as a point of reassurance, I had my own mental health crisis in college. I had a nervous breakdown for far less legitimate reasons, and was having panic attacks and moderate anxiety and depression symptoms. I failed social psychology and withdrew from two other classes - research methods in psychology and a society and health class. I wanted to get a PhD in social psychology and a master’s in public health. So obviously these were classes in my major and that are important…my advisor wrote in her letter of recommendation that she knew I could perform better, but that my health issues prevented me from performing to my full potential. I also retook the classes. Honestly, I didn’t do a whole lot better - I got a C in both social psych and research methods the next year (I didn’t take society and health again).</p>

<p>I still got into all of the MPH programs I applied to - one with a 50% scholarship - and I got into a top 5 PhD in public health and social psychology the following year. I only applied to one PhD program because I had originally intended to get an MPH first, but my advisor here at Columbia has told me that I would’ve been very competitive for other PhD programs in the field had I applied. I’m actually about to finish - I distributed my dissertation last month and my defense is scheduled for early August, and I have a postdoc lined up to start right after.</p>

<p>So take heart, this won’t ruin your life completely, it’s just a speed bump. Take some time off to get yourself together. Then retake the class (and get better than a C, lol). And make sure you start getting some research experience once you’re ready to return, if you haven’t already begun.</p>

4

<p>I agree with all of the above comments, and I do want to stress that you do not owe an explanation as to what type of health issues you dealt with. Unfortunately, mental health issues still have a stigma about them, partly because you can never prove a “cure” from them the way you often can with physical diseases. Therefore, I would not state “for mental health reasons,” but rather, “for health reasons” when mentioning your situation. </p>

<p>I also suggest you consider a personal leave for a semester or two. It is still early in your academic career, and you have an excellent chance of bringing your grades up and having a strong finish in junior and senior year - but only if you take the time to help yourself first. And yes, it is not uncommon to have PTSD symptoms appear some time after a stressful event, if that is what you’re experiencing.</p>

<p>As for where to go…why do your school counselors suck? Have you tried more than one counselor there? You can try looking around for local services that may be able to provide you with affordable counseling. You can also research self treatments, such as meditation, yoga, herbal supplements and other techniques that may relieve some of your symptoms until you are able to figure things out. </p>