Unit 9 Final Project Help

College Essays
1

<p>I have a Unit 9 Final Project due in 2 weeks. I have only the first paragraph and I wanted to know how it sound and what people thought of it. So please be honest. I’m also linking the project description also so you will know what it will have to be about. </p>

<p>Project Description:
<a href=“http://www.kucourses.com/ec/media/store/mediasoas/CS124_1001C/PDFs/unit9CS124FinalProject.pdf[/url]”>http://www.kucourses.com/ec/media/store/mediasoas/CS124_1001C/PDFs/unit9CS124FinalProject.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>First Paragraph:</p>

<p>When I was younger, I always dreamed about what I would when I got older. My dreams were always about helping people no matter what type of help I was going to give. Well, when I got older I wasn’t dreaming anymore. I would actually take it upon myself to fulfill those dreams by becoming who I am today. You will find out who I am by continuing to read about my different learning styles, skills, and even my personality. You will also learn about where I am today such as my reflection on my college experience, skills to succeed in college, study skills, strengths, and weaknesses. Other things that you will learn about me are some of the insights within my career field, job duties and responsibilities, projected work environment, the skills needed, and an outlook on this occupation. Some of the other things that you will learn about me are what type of obstacles I may be faced with such as changes and challenges in the work world, the reason for changes and challenges, diversity in the work place, and the impact on communication styles. Finally, the last thing that you will learn about me is my long term professional goal, the steps necessary to achieve this goal, and explanation as to why this goal is important to me.</p>

2

<p>No. no. and no. Under no circumstances start an essay this way. You spend most all of this trying to explain to the reader what they will find out about you (you hope!). Don’t tell, SHOW!!!</p>

<p>Start with the dream: *She needed help. I could see that, but what could I do? I looked around me, but there was no one else. I reached out to her…" I was eight years old, but in that dream, I had more strength than my years should have allowed, and I was able to share that strength with someone else. Now, ten years later, I remember this and other dreams like it, and try to live up to the ideals that made me feel so powerful in that dream. *</p>

<p>And etc etc etc…</p>

<p>Show, don’t tell.</p>

3

<p>I asked my other professor to review it and she said it was great other than one sentence in the end. And what in the heck are you talking about, nothing that you wrote has anything to do with my introductory paragraph at all.</p>

4

<p>

I agree. Your intro basically says “Here is what I’m going to say.” You should NEVER start an essay like that; it makes it sound like a 3rd grader wrote it.</p>

<p>

Perhaps your professor can’t read.</p>

<p>

Yes, it does. Reread what digmedia wrote. He/she described the dream that you referenced at the beginning of your paragraph. Of course, the paragraph that digmedia wrote was incomplete; it would continue by introducing the topics that you would be explaining in your essay…but this would be done without saying “You will learn…”</p>

5

<p>Oops. I opened your link and read the assignment, which explicitly asked for what you did.</p>

6

<p>^ No, it doesn’t. No where in that file does it tell you to say “Hello. This is what I’m going to talk about…” like the OP did, basically. Although it says to “provide a summary of the main points,” this can surely be done in a more effective way. The paragraph that you provided, digmedia, would have functioned as a great hook that would have transitioned into a well-executed summary of the main points.</p>