This is unfinished, still needs a concluding paragraph and transition from the second paragraph. How can I improve from what I have, and wrap it up? (UofC loves originality, so I tried to be humorous and spontaneous)
Mustard. Its uses have been many and varied over the past millennia, as both a curative and a condiment. Born as a emulsifying agent in Rome, popularized for its tangy flavor in Dijon, France and later spread to the rest of Europe, the mustard seed has endured a wild up-and-down ride throughout its existence, now resting easy at the top of the food pyramid with the other sugars, salts and fats. Today, mustard is bought in small yet ample-sized containers on store-shelves and found in the pantries of many homes. During its reign as king of the American kitchen, this staple hotdog and soft pretzel sauce has always retained its sense of dignity. At least, until now.
The buy-in-bulk mindset of product warehouses like Sams Club or CostCo has, over the past decade, attracted many unwary consumers to the tempting concept of paying slightly more for an enormous amount of something they dont need. Its a bargain!, American consumers exclaimed, and with this unanimous proclamation came a new social classsomewhere between the aristocratie and the bourgeoisknown now as en masse consumerie. Viewed as a social injustice by outraged mustard connoisseurs everywhere (mostly in France), this harlotry of the golden seed has marred not only the outside view of mustards presence as a dominating force in the global condiment market, but insulted the pride of the original craftsmen: the Parisians.
<p>Have you ever walked through the aisles of a warehouse store like Costco or Sams Club and wondered who would buy a jar of mustard a foot and a half tall? Weve bought it, but it didnt stop us from wondering about other things, like absurd eating contests, impulse buys, excess, unimagined uses for mustard, storage, preservatives, notions of bigness . . . and dozens of other ideas both silly and serious. Write an essay somehow inspired by super-huge mustard.</p>
<p>I think what you wrote is great, but there’s one huge problem with it-- you don’t reflect who YOU are to the college (the prompt may be misleading). Perhaps that’s one of the biggest mistakes applicants do in the essays. You concentrate too much about mustard but I don’t think the University cares about mustard, they care about your achievements and accomplishments to decide if you get in. </p>
<p>When I read your essay it seems like you try too hard to sound smart with your SAT words–but who knows, maybe it works? IMO you should keep the first paragraph as an introduction but somehow integrate mustard into your life (as a thesis). The following paragraphs should really concentrate on yourself. </p>
<p>I am confused by your message here. You first para seems disjointed from the second, and your 2nd seems all mixed up. I don’t think the essay is long enough. I’m not sure what a good essay is for Chicago.</p>
<p>Chicago does not ask for personal essays, but my dd decided to make her mustard essay personal because it worked for her. I do notice that the chicago essays that former students post (see the Chi board to locate that link) are often personal.</p>
<p>I think it is important to show how your mind works and the kind of things you think of, and you almost do that here.</p>
<p>i liked it a lot. if you agree with the above posters, i’d say keep the first paragraph and make the second paragraph something about your reactions to the mustard, how you feel about mustard, the ways you like to enjoy your mustard…</p>
<p>and it does just say write an essay, not write a personal essay which is what most colleges ask for.</p>
<p>I think you’re answering the question too directly. They want to know about you and your mind through the filter of the ideas of bigness and absurdity(epitomized by foot-and-a-half-tall mustard). Though I do like the phrase “harlotry of the golden seed”.</p>
<p>I have read the prompt in the past and when I first started reading the second paragraph of your essay I wasn’t sure if I was reading the prompt or an essay.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to sound so…condescending, but I’d reckon that if this is the first thing that sprang to your mind (in answering the prompt), then maybe Chicago isn’t for you.</p>