University Shaming- what are your thoughts on it?

College Search & Lists
1

Hi all! I’m a senior in high school about to graduate (yay!). This year has been quite stressful for me, and it seems as though my self esteem and confidence took a huge hit around the time I was applying and waiting for decisions. One of the main reasons was, what I like to call, University Shaming.

University shaming is what I’d define as people telling you to go to University X because it’s bigger than University Y and more well known than University Z. Or maybe they’d tell you University Y is for people who didn’t have the scores to get into Uni. X. It could also be that quizzical “Why?” when you tell someone about your plan to go to a “mediocre” school according to their standards. You get the point.

Here’s my experience, if you’d like to read. If not, then I’m curious to know what your thoughts are about university shaming.

I’ve made some other posts in distress earlier about getting waitlisted to my top school, UConn. However, I have withdrawn my application without even waiting for a reply because I was accepted to Central Conn. State Uni. with honors and a lot of financial aid, and I have a great roommate!

You see, we are all smart people. I know I am smart and capable, and everyone is in their own way. My parents have wanted me to go to UConn since I set foot in high school. When I asked them why, they said it’s because it’s a bigger and better school. However, I’ll be honest and say that even though they have so many majors and programs for me to choose from, I knew that getting in might be a struggle. More importantly, I had been on campus multiple times and something just didn’t feel right to me. It was nice, no doubt about it, but I didn’t feel like it was right for me. Maybe it was the size, I don’t know.

However, when I visited CCSU, I really loved the campus and it felt more fitting to me. My sister went there and was able to graduate with a full time job at a major company, so I knew that I’d be able to have a fulfilling future even if I decided to go to this “lesser” school. But, my mom insisted that I go to UConn if I get in (which I didn’t lol). And it made me so sad to see the light in her eyes dim when I told her I like CCSU and want to go there.

You see, before I put down my deposit, I was sort of lying to myself because of the expectations put on me. I told everyone “Yeah! I love UConn and I’d love to go there!! I think I’d be happy!” but in reality, I’m not sure that was really the case. My mind was plagued with the mindset that UConn is where all of the smart kids choose to go, and that I was wasting opportunity if I didn’t go there had I been taken off the waitlist.

When I first found out about being put on the waitlist, it felt like I was doomed. Was I not smart enough? What does this mean? Am I going to end up 40 and living at home??? I lost sleep over this for a long while. I doubted myself so much, but now, I realize that things happen for a reason and that everything was pointing towards me attending CCSU.

I could go on and on, but long story short, I was insecure about choosing CCSU mainly because it’s always hiding in the shadow if UConn, even though I liked CCSU better for me. I know my parents will get over it, and I’m going to study and have fun.

2

Sounds like you learned a lot in this process. University Shaming- I like it. It only matters if you care what the shamer thinks. Making the right decision for yourself despite what others think and say is a big part of adulthood.

3

You will learn not to care what others think. :wink:

4

University shaming that’s a nice way to put it. I think everyone should choose the college that is right for them. I do agree with them. I notice with my daughter choice to attend Georgia State. People always say why not GA tech or UGA. Then there’s a 15 min convo about her choice. Then it end with a well congrats or well ok.

5

‘University Shaming’ is a great way to express what people do, and good for you for knowing in your heart where you will really be happier. Look, ultimately a school is going to be your home for 4 years. You are the one who had to do the work to get there, and will be the one who does the work to stay there. I think your opinion is the one that matters the most, right? That’s what I tell my kid, anyway. I’m sure in time your parents will come around when they see you happy and thriving at a school that makes you happy. Keep your head up, and best of luck!

6

I think you might end up a lot happier with your choice than some of your peer “shamers” are with theirs. Good for beig true to what you want. Go get 'em.

7

It sucks during the last 2 months of HS when students are comparing schools. Then in May/June, everyone graduates and goes their own way and doesn’t give a second thought to what schools their classmates are going to.

Don’t let your judgement be clouded during that BRIEF period.

8

HS will quickly be in your rear view mirror, and this will become a distant memory as you realize how happy you are at Central. I am from CT and it is well known that “university shaming” is practically a “blood sport” in CT regarding the “directionals” vs. UCONN. The honors program at Central will be challenging, and you will be in a program with students who are eager to learn and grow. I’m glad that you will board on campus. Choose an activity or club, or become involved in a local community program that you can participate in over the weekends. The only downside to Central is that it empties out over the weekends. Stay on campus over the weekends and meet some new people who will not be going home.

9

You sound like a smart and thoughtful person from your post- you are making your decision based on valid good reasons- you’ll do just great. Congratulations!

10

A lot of older people have no idea how competitive and difficult college admissions can be and frankly just say stupid stuff without thinking it through. My son goes to UChicago which is a pretty competitive school to get into but a lot of older people haven’t heard of it apparently and tell him he’s too smart to go to a city college in Chicago :wink: He felt bad the first time it happened but once he realized it really doesn’t matter what those people think he kind of thinks it’s funny when they say these silly things. I’m sorry your parents weren’t fully supportive initially but I’m sure they want you to be happy and it sounds like you are which is the whole goal to this college search. I hope you have a great time in college!

11

Shaming, university- or otherwise, is crappy. Them’s my thoughts on it.

12

My D kind of wears it as a badge of independence. She chose the college she wanted to attend not the other way around. She had “better” choices but not for her. She actually had a student in one of her AP classes upon hearing where she had chosen to go say “what do you want to do? Manage a McDonalds?”. I think it hurt for a second then she realized she knew why she was going there and it was her decision not one she was expected to make. She is really excited, not stressed about her decision and not unsurprisingly some of her “college shaming” friends are ending up at similar level schools.

13

There are so many people your age who seem to judge schools and their value based only on name recognition, which is a really silly reason to think certain schools are great. I imagine this whole situation was made harder by the fact that your parents were also pushing for UCONN. Thankfully, they love you and will be behind you with your decision. You may have coined a new CC label in this process, “University Shaming.”

Congratulations and good luck!

14

Those that are more concerned about “appearances” than substance will generally participate in and be sensitive to “university shaming”. I find it rude and childish for others to judge a personal choice for the sake of making themselves look better. It is great to hear that you can see it all for what it is, worthless. Good luck at your chosen school. I am sure it will take you far.

15

Also remember that so much of “prestige” is relative to where you live and what kind of people you go to school with. I’m probably going to a small women’s college that almost no one in my STEM magnet has ever heard of, but it’s pretty well known to grad schools. If I said I was going to my state flagship, which isn’t harder to get into or really better academically, people wouldn’t even question it! So just remember that your classmates aren’t the ones whose opinions matter, and that you can do great anywhere :))

16

Thank you everyone for your support! It’s quite sad to see how many people are affected by this since this is probably one of the most detrimental factors to a high school senior’s confidence and self esteem. It seems as though for the past four years, most of us have worked up until this point in order to choose a college, and while it’s understandable that parents and peers want the best for us, only we know what works for ourselves! All of your kind comments will surely help other students who stumble on this thread and have experienced university shaming.

17

I have seen friend’s kids go the best school and be miserable, then drop out. The best school…doesn’t mean the best school for you. The best school for one course of study may not be the best for another course of study. I don’t know why people judge…there are factors other than ranking/reputation…such as cost, distance from home, size of campus, etc. I say there is no best…there is the best for you. Friends and family did it to my daughter…not even knowing the first thing about her course of study and which school offered the better courses and minors. They just compared the 2 names. Penn State and UCONN…she picked the school that offered the most within her major and felt the most comfortable.

18

Timely thread. May be exactly what is in the way of those not yet able to decide.