<p>I’m curious what kinds of arrangements other parents have with their kids: I have two teen daughters, neither driving yet. Fifteen year old daughter’s school is a mile away from home. Her dance school is 1/2 mile away. Her gym is 3/4 mile away. She enjoys walking, and waiting for the bus for that distance would take longer than walking. For some of these activities (currently a class at the gym 3 mornings a week and some of her dance classes), I’m at work and cannot drive her to and from. They are all during the day and she’s walking in suburban neighborhoods. </p>
<p>I might watch too many “Cold Case Files” and the like, but sometimes it feels like an unnecessary risk to allow them to be out on the streets alone at all! They do have some (female) friends who are just not allowed to walk anywhere by themselves, period. </p>
<p>Of course my daughter feels that I’m overreacting, and I admit I’m glad that my fearful outlook hasn’t rubbed off on her. Its so hard not to be able to protect them at all times. How do you all deal with this?</p>
<p>I’ve had eight, seven of which have reached or passed mid- to late-teenage years.</p>
<p>Personally, my wife and I have made a lot of these decisions based on the kid. I have one kid who simply radiated vulnerability. We didn’t let her go too many places by herself, and she didn’t want to. Another one gave the impression by her manner, personality, way of walking, etc. that she would break both your knees if you said “boo” to her. I’m not sure we could have stopped her from hitching across the country had she been so inclined.</p>
<p>I guess I would tell you what you probably already know. If the neighborhood is safe, if the young lady has a good head on her shoulders and a manner that suggests she would not be an easy target, if she is a fast runner and has a loud voice, and if she is aware and cautious (but not fearful) in her surroundings, then congratulations! I think you have little to worry you.</p>
<p>Your kid is probably thousands of times more likely to be injured in a car wreck than to be kidnapped. Count your lucky stars that you live someplace your children are safe walking.</p>
<p>You might want to speak to your local police about the crime rate in the area in which she’s walking. Facts about specifics may calm your fears (or validate them, but if so, saying “no” to d would be easier).</p>
<p>Those distances are quite short
Elementary school students often walk a mile to school.
I will admit though, that parents have opted for schools farther away just so that their kids could ride a bus and not have to walk
I would make sure she has a cell phone
Strongly suggest she not walk with headphones on.
A self defense course is good skill for anyone, since date rape is probably more common than rape by stranger
But seriously, I think you can do damage by transferring fear, that could limit her actions.
When I clicked on this thread, I thought of my( 16 yr old) daughter planning a trip to Australia, where she is looking forward to surfing and diving off the Barrier Reef.
One of the things she apparently likes about Australia is all the interesting dangers it has.
SHe also attends a high school in the “inner city”, that has periodic problems with drivebys in the neighborhood, and subsequent “lockdowns”.
We can’t shield our kids from everything, but we can help them to recognize situations that they need to be cautious in.
BUt frankly- a short distance in a suburban neighborhood, isn’t something that should make you afraid, I am wondering if there is something else going on?</p>
<p>I am of the school that despite the dangers in life, independence ought to be valued and within reason kids ought to have some freedom - which includes the responsibility to look out for themselves. And the distances and circumstances described - if done in the daylight - do appear reasonable. </p>
<p>I might add I never (and I am a father) cannot get totally comfortable with my daughters’ safety. It just appears to be a different world out there today. I recently noticed that one of the nation’s best high school female runners - a well known athlete - survived an attack this year by a 200 pound man in front of her school (she was running). The guy was clearly up to no good - had a rope, tarp, and other tools in his van, and is wanted for sexual assault in a neighboring state. The guy just received 12 years (enough??), pleading so thankfully the young lady did not have to testify In any event, this young woman is (unlike many distance runners, who are tiny) very strong as well as being very fast - a factor that no doubt helped her because once the felon lost his grip on her there was no way he was going to catch her. And the idiot didn’t count on the fact that there were lots of other runners around (male and female)- who were shocked, and of course identified him and help catch him. But not all women can be so fortunate. So with incidents like these I understand the source of concern. But in the end I think the kids ought to have their independence - with a caution to keep their eyes open.</p>
<p>I generally agree with Tarhunt and EmeraldKitty but here’s my 2 cents: Trust your instincts. If you have qualms, it may be because you subconciously noticed or heard something that makes you worry and that you can’t pinpoint or articulate. If you need a middle ground, see if your daughter can buddy up with another student or dance/gym participant or that she calls you when she arrives at her destination(s).</p>
<p>There is so much one <em>could</em> fear these days, but that fear has created a generation of really scared kids. It isn’t healthy to be so afraid, and my feeling that we, as parents, need to encourage independence in areas where it makes sense. Walking in suburban broad daylight, by a child who clearly wants to do this, seems very reasonable.</p>
<p>It is a tough balance with girls. Having only gone through this with a boy so far, I don’t really look forward to finding this balance with my daughter, but I really want her to be strong and confident. Teaching our kids to be fearful makes them wary and lack confidence. So, this desire for independence will be a hard stage, I know, but an important one to encourage.</p>
<p>I’ve posted this in the past and it seems valid to do so again - the book “The Gift of Fear” is excellent, especially for girls. It emphasizes the value of listening to one’s intuition and how to leverage naturally occuring fear, but without influencing unfounded paranoia. </p>
<p>I read it a couple of years ago - a peer recommended it, I couldn’t put it down and read it in one sitting. Gave it to D next, and she and several of her peers found it very interested and valuable as well.</p>
<p>Unless your D were having to walk in a very dangerous area (which doesn’t seem the case from what you’ve described), those distances seem very walkable. Heck, those are the distances that even younger kids are expected to walk to school even in suburban areas.</p>
<p>Have you considered having your D get martial arts training? </p>
<p>After all, at some point, she’s going to need to be able to get around on her own two feet, and probably in areas less safe than where she now is going. That will be true even after she drives.</p>
<p>Here is something…i carry a whistle…sounds corny, and i have never had to use it, but its on one of those stretchy things on my wrist</p>
<p>and my Ds have taken one of the gorrila defense classes…dirty fighting, but it really helps because it teaches you to scream, we can lock up and freeze and talka bout confidence building and great exerize</p>
<p>that being said, your dauther is gonna fine</p>
<p>some tips- as should be followed by ALL walkers, no matter who…pay attention, walk against traffic, and know your surroundings</p>
<p>have #s programmed into phone and good for her for the extra exercise!!!</p>
<p>My younger son, who will be going into hs, must let me know where he is going and must take his cell and keep it on. He needs to call me when he arrives at a destination. If he is in the park with friends, he is required to call me and he must call when he leaves. I started these rules when he became more independant, and wanted to go places on foot. He was 11 at the time, and the rules have not changed. He also may not walk home in the dark, unless it is a short distance and he has a flashlight. </p>
<p>My older son had the same rules. He drives now, and with that come different rules and regs. They listen and follow them.</p>
<p>Oh, and when they were younger they were not allowed to wear personalized items. I did not want them fooled by someone calling them by their name.</p>
<p>I walk in the parks alone with my dogs, and I have to say, we have helped people out- I have programmed the local police statiolns # in my phone, because sometimes it is not a 911 call, but something for a local station</p>
<p>Once I saw a guy, you know, enjoying his body by a garage, it was worht 911, but I called the local station and within minutes they were there</p>
<p>And sometimes, with a cell phone the 911 goes through some place not local, so calling the local station worked better if it wasn’t life or death</p>
<p>I have a 15 year old d & live in the suburbs. It’s very safe & she walks or rides her bike everywhere during the day. If you are still nervous, why not have her jog to her classes? A runner just gives off an air of athleticism, someone not to be messed with. (I know, as a previous poster stated, this is not fool proof.) She’s fit, she’s heading to exercise actiities, so a short jog would be a great warm-up.</p>