<p>IMO-
and this is blunt cause I don’t know how to ease into observations
Just being OCD about someone especially someone who has already made it clear that for whatever reason- they do not share type/intensity of interest, is enough to take the “rejected one”, out of the running.
To try and change their mind, if they are a healthy average person, will take the " rejected one" even more solidly into the Notachanceinhell category.
Average healthy people are interested in other average healthy people- who don’t obsess</p>
<p>Speaking as someone who * didn’t want* an actual close relationship for years, I would suggest that you might examine why you are interested in someone who pushes you away, so that you don’t repeat the pattern- that may actually be the most attractive thing about her for you.</p>
<p>Yeeeah, that’s a terrible idea. “Let’s be friends” means “I don’t want to date you.” Respect that, respect her, and respect yourself enough to look for a relationship with someone who actually wants to be in a relationship with you.</p>
<p>Love isn’t like a job interview or a college application where you can just pile on “improvements” until the interviewer/admissions accepts you. It doesn’t work like that. Your continual efforts to “improve yourself” and “change her mind” will probably just creep her out. You will go from “that guy I didn’t want to date, but he’s an okay friend” to “that weirdo who is a borderline stalker.”</p>
<p>Yes, you are. You are focusing on the signs because they take away this woman’s voice, which you don’t want to hear. </p>
<p>Have you taken a sociology of gender or something similiar? There is a lot of research on this very issue. Men in general misread cues from women as flirtatious and men who are attracted to a particular woman have an even higher rate of misreading. </p>
<p>Stop focusing on “signs” and start focusing on what she has said. You are already edging up to the line between friend and creep. If you cannot respect this woman’s wishes and stop thinking of her as “the one”, then do it for yourself before you get in over your head. </p>
<p>If you are finding it difficult to stop thinking about her, get some counseling. Learning how to navigate adult relationships is not a course at college, although it should be.</p>
<p>I agree with Pugmad. You are misreading the signs. Instead of looking for ‘signs’ listen to what this girl has said to you. She has said NO, not interested in you that way, you are just a friend. Accept that and move on.</p>
<p>As the mom of a daughter who had a stalker problem I have to tell you you are already sounding a bit creepy and stalkerish.</p>
<p>Stop focusing on “signs” and start focusing on what she has said.</p>
<p>Im starting to think ( in this case only) that maybe shockjock Tom Lykas was right when he has said that men do not have ( if they are hetero) platonic relationships with women- they can have non physical relationships- but it makes me wonder- how many men really think like this?
If I had a friendship with a guy- that I wanted to be something " more" and I made that clear- but I was turned down, I probably would be hurt- take him seriously but be disappointed and it would be a long time before I would be able to be " friends" again.
I wouldn’t think of changing their mind- I think that is kinda insulting to assume they don’t know what they want.</p>
<p>Convince yourself she WILL NOT change her mind so you can make a clean break away from her.
You’re on the slippery slope to OBSESSION. Not healthy and very creepy.
Repeat this to yourself- She said No. She said No. She said No.
Don’t make her hate or fear you.</p>
<p>hmm, so harsh assumptions happening here; maybe he’s just going through a brief period of unsubstantiated hope because he’s feeling hurt? I certainly did that after a breakup and I don’t think it was stalkerish as I never SERIOUSLY considered pursuing that person; it was just a fantasy that flitted through my mind a couple of times.</p>
<p>Anyhow, I suggest that you gather up your pride and try letting this person go. You wouldn’t want to have to drastically change yourself for her to want to be with you, would you? Or somehow manipulate her in a low fashion just to get her to want you? If you feel good about who you are as a person, just remember it’s more of her loss than it is yours.</p>
<p>Let’s pretend for just a minute that you are right.
**RUN!!! **
You do not need to be involved in the drama of a relationship with a woman who says one thing, but plays games that send out another signal. Really. </p>
<p>Either way, no good can come of your continued attention to this woman who says she is not interested.</p>
<p>Leave it alone for now and be her friend. Two of my college friends, I’m 53, recently married each other. He was crazy about her in college but she wasn’t interested. You never know.</p>
<p>While I do believe you can meet someone and just click with them, and I believe you can have a deep attraction on many levels, I don’t believe in “the one.” Maybe you don’t really believe in “the one” either but that was just a way to articulate how strongly you feel about her–however, if you do belive in “the one”, then let that idea go. </p>
<p>I’ve been married 24 years, to the guy that had a locker in the same row I did. Is that romantic? Is he the one? Or did both our last names just happen to start with “S”? </p>
<p>I know when you’re thrilled with somebody it’s hard to shut down those feelings,but if you convince yourself that she’s “the one” then it lends even more weight to it all. Trust me, you don’t want to have a relationship that’s unbalanced from the start. You are probably not misreading her signals. It’s a great ego boost to flirt with someone who adores you, and it’s hard to resist that, but if she’s really interested then what’s stopping her? And if she’s not really interested and she’s still flirting with you, knowing that you have feelings for her, then it’s possible she’s a jerk.</p>
<p>I speak as the parent of a Daughter who has been on the other side of this, more than once. If she says she wants to be friends, then she wants to be FRIENDS. Period. If you can accept that and be FRIENDS, great. If not, keep your distance. </p>
<p>Do NOT interpret her being nice to you, and engaging in conversations, etc, as meaning more than a friendship. It means she wants to be FRIENDS. </p>
<p>If - and this is a very unlikely IF - she eventually sees you as something more, it will have to be because she realizes that the real you is someone more attractive than she initially thought. Trying to “improve your application” won’t work, if what you’re doing is trying to be what she wants instead of who you truly are. Just be yourself, and maintain a friendship distance. You can’t make some love you. You just can’t.</p>
<p>The much more likely scenario is that eventually you’ll come across someone else just as wonderful who thinks you are wonderful too. I know that’s HARD to believe, but it’s true. Be patient, be yourself, and be open to meeting new people.</p>