<p>Hey parents,
I was a cc lurker for admissions, and now that Im in college I make my return, hopefully to get some guidance from you wise ones! So basically I found the one. I know, I know, Im just a college kid and Im incapable of knowing, but really its one of those things where you just know, and I sure know. Besides, how old do you really have to be? Sadly, it seems to be a case of unreciprocated feelings. As in, you are cute but lets just be friends. I dont think Im out of my league here, and I just dont know what to do. Im sure time will give me some guidance, but it seems silly to move on when Ive already found what Ive dreamed of. Do people ever change their minds? Advice would sure be appreciated!</p>
<p>I’m not a parent, but I’ll throw in my two cents anyway . . . She (or he) is not interested, so move on. This person is not “your dream” unless your dream involves having a crush on someone who isn’t interest in you. Life isn’t a romantic movie, sometimes things just don’t work out. Better to know now than later! 
Don’t pine, just ask someone else out. Remember, if this person is truly one in a million . . . then there are 6700 other people just like her/him out there. :)</p>
<p>ughh, well I haven’t even met a million people in my life so far, so finding that one in a million is quite an accomplishment. but really, is it possible that people can become more attractive and in time, feelings will change?</p>
<p>possible, but not likely; you should not hang around waiting for lightening to strike.</p>
<p>Harsh, I know. But it would be unkind to encourage false hope.</p>
<p>I can’t think of any cases where unreciprocated love changed his/her mind. Lots of case though where the piner found true love somewhere else. It’s not fun, having been through it myself and honestly the best cure is finding someone you like just as much who also likes you.</p>
<p>Actually, CC is a great place to realize that many students have dealt with unrequited love and survived. For example–a student falls in love with XXX university, it’s THE perfect college for him. He applies and is rejected. What happens? He feels grief for a little while and then picks himself up and moves on to a college that he does enjoy that has accepted him. </p>
<p>Same type of skills and experience apply.</p>
<p>Interesting example ellemenope. i should add that I fell in love with XXX university, was rejected. Improved my application and applied again as a transfer, and was rejected again. I knew full well freshman and transfer admit rate was sub 10%, but I think I was happiest when I was working towards a goal and sadest when I wasn’t. And since unrequitted love doesn’t have a published readmit rate, I guess that is what I’m trying to figure out now.</p>
<p>^Judging from your past experience with XXX University, I’d say the re-admit rate in love is as low if not lower…I’d think that you would increase your happiness quotient if you put your energy toward more achievable goals.</p>
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<p>Be very cautious about trying the “readmit” route in love. What you may view as admirable determination can very quickly come to be perceived by your intended as an unwelcome, and perhaps even creepy, failure to take a hint. After a second rejection it’s definitely time to quit wasting your energy and move on - lest you crossover the border into stalking.</p>
<p>^Good point, coureur!</p>
<p>Is unrequited love the same thing as a crush? Is the person in question aware of (the extent of) your feelings for them?</p>
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<p>As Naturally pointed out, unless your dream included a person not being interested in you beyond a friend, then you have not found what you’ve always dreamt of.</p>
<p>More importantly, it’s not silly to move on when a person has declined your advances. It’s the right and respectful thing to do. If you allow yourself to keep focusing on this person, you are disregarding their wishes.</p>
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<p>Neither can I. Although I can think of several ruined friendships and a restraining order.</p>
<p>comparing university love to person seems unfair; a deep, intimate connection with a human being should always be more valuable than your idealized version of some marketed college, imo.</p>
<p>But I’ve definitely been through the unrequited love thing, am still somewhat in it after the break-up, and I can definitely tell you moving on and finding other things to do is the best thing for you. As Elie Wiesel said, “the opposite of love is not hate; it’s indifference” and unfortunately that indifference rarely changes into something more than a creeped-out feeling if you keep up your unwanted advances, or at best huge ego inflation for the person being pursued (which is what happened in my case, lol).</p>
<p>Try to distract yourself with doing things you love, but try to avoid rebound relationships and comfort flings as I’ve heard they really just make you feel guilty/low afterwards.</p>
<p>I agree with the above posters - if you have been turned down move on. There are definitely many things worse than unreciprocated love - and one of those things is unwanted attention from someone who won’t take no for an answer. Don’t be that someone.</p>
<p>I think there’s a book out there titled “He/She’s just not into you.”</p>
<p>Your time and focus is better spent on some other endeavors and move on.</p>
<p>The reality is your dream girl does not want you. She does not want your love. Do not misinterpret her kindness as a signal to continue to pursue her affections. “Let’s be friends” means please respect my wishes, go away nicely and don’t cause trouble. You two just had a friendship, nothing more. You may think it was more but it wasn’t because you were the only one in love, she didn’t share your sentiments. Sorry to be so harsh but you need some tough talk.</p>
<p>she already knows my feelings and I know I’m not imagining all the signs given out. What if I don’t pursue her, but rather (continuing the metaphor) “improve my application” and hope that maybe she notices someday? And if not, I’ll be in a better position if somebody else comes along…</p>
<p>All right, I’m getting slightly creeped out.</p>
<p>My instinct is to say – by definition – she cannot be “the one” or she would feel the same for you as you feel for her. </p>
<p>On the other hand, there was a man I met in college who was over the moon for me, and I wouldn’t give him a chance. Now I realize he was (probably) very much more right for me than any man I met subsequently. At the time could he have changed my mind? Well, he tried very hard, to no avail. Anything more and he would have driven me farther away. </p>
<p>My point is, your friend might realize you are are right for her but it might take years and years! I would not suggest you wait around for that very remote possibility.</p>
<p>I would suggest you write the girl a letter, tell her how you feel, and reassure her that you respect her feelings, too. You could also mention if she changes her mind she can reach out to you and see if you are still interested/available. </p>
<p>In the meantime, try to move on. I know it’s difficult. Unrequited love is the worst. </p>
<p>Keep in mind: It’s human nature to want something just that much more because it is unattainable. I’m not saying that is necessarily your situation.</p>
<p>OP- What in the meantime you are waiting for her to notice the “improvements in your application” you miss the signals of someone who loves you as you are at that moment? Do you want to be that guy who “can’t get over his first love.” It is creepy that every interaction with you she will wonder if she lead you on, that you are watching every guy she dates, that you are watching her and waiting…
For your sanity, move on.</p>