Unsure of what I want

Athletic Recruits
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TL:DR was committed to a school to play a sport, then decommitted and committed to another to play a different sport. Wondering if I should go back to the first school and try to play both.

Context: I have been recruited D1 in two different sports. We’ll call them S1 and S2.

I was committed to a D1 school to play S1 for about five months. I didn’t hate the school, but I felt like I was settling academically. It was a good athletic opportunity, although I thought I could have played at a bigger school, but I took it because I didn’t believe other S1 recruitment opportunities would pan out (I was correct, they didn’t). Although it is not ranked super terribly on US News (barely T-200), most local people dislike it and see it as one step above community college. However, I would play a lot and it was a full ride. There was an inter-institutional program where I could ultimately get a bachelors from my flagship state school.

However, it was very hard for me to deal with people commenting poor things about this school, especially as someone who has put a lot of work in academically.

Then, I began to receive interest in S2. So, I decommited from the first school and received multiple offers in S2. One of which was from a T-15 university that is T-10 in what I think* I want to study. I went on a visit, loved the school, loved the program, and ultimately decided to commit there. However, this school doesn’t offer any athletic or merit scholarship, only need-based. My parents are willing to pay for it and have told me multiple times that they are and to not worry about the cost, but it still comes out to ~400k. It’s a very good situation for me to be in, and everyone has congratulated me, telling me how proud of me they are, and for a few days after I committed, I felt great. Then, I started to feel guilty about the cost. I feel like I’m paying the school to play S2, not the other way around. There are a lot of scholarship opportunities in S2, and although I did have other offers with money, they were ultimately not good fits for me. My family has always pushed me to be the best I can be and pursue a prestigious school, but I just don’t know if it’s worth 400k. Cost aside, I love this school the best. But if I were to apply normally ignoring sports, I likely would have gone to my flagship state school instead. For what I think I want to major in, going to a top school CAN give you an advantage, but not a ton more than going to your flagship state school, especially considering the cost. However, I also am not 100% sure I want to major in this, but I feel pressured to pick study something that might make the Ivy cost worth it (ex. no wanting to be a teacher or something like that). For what I think I want to do, you don’t really need grad school. But now I’m realizing that if I change my mind, and decide I want to be a doctor or lawyer and go to grad school, I’m potentially forcing my parents to pay tons of money for my schooling, or take out student loans myself.

Also, while I do like S2, I’m very, very sad to not be playing S1. I didn’t feel this sad when I “decided” not to play S2.

Also, when I decommited from the first school, they did tell me that if I ever wanted to come back, they’d still be happy to have me. It’s awkward, I know, but what if I went back? There’s also a chance that I could play both S1 and S2 there.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t sleep at night sometimes because I feel so guilty about the cost. But I also can’t tell if I just have commitment issues. I think my parents would be upset at me if I told them I wanted to go back to the first school I was committed to. The post-grad data on students from the first school I was committed to is not great, but I have been told that a top student will be successful anywhere. I still have time to change my mind. It’s not a great look to have decommited twice and I think I would only do it if I could play both sports at the first school I was committed to, but is it even worth exploring?

Any advice?

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Does school one pass the broken leg test? What if something happens and you can’t play your sport? Would you still be happy at school1?

Put your guilt about money aside. It sounds like your parents are happy to pay for school 2 Sometimes, as parents, it’s a guilty pleasure to be able to pay for any education our kid wants. If your parents have been saving for this for your entire life, they did it so you could have this opportunity if School 2 is truly the right fit.

School 1 seems like they would take you at any time. If you started at School 2 and hated it, it seems like transferring to School 1 wouldn’t be a problem. Not so much the other way around.

If both schools were free, where would you want to be?

One thing I did with my kids was make them pick what they wanted to major in and look at all the classes they would have to take. Then I made them find 3 other majors that they thought sounded interesting Incase they didn’t like the first one. Are you able to find multiple majors at both schools?

Close your eyes and picture yourself happy. Which school are you at.

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The strength of a university in your major matters more than the overall strength, as long as you do not decide to change your major. I will therefore refer to this as “top 10” (although I would guess that it is probably good for many different majors).

I am one of the frequent commenters here on CC who usually recommends that you ignore rankings. However, there is a difference between a “barely top 200” versus “top 10” university. The biggest differences are: (1) There will be some very academically strong students at both universities, but there will be more of them at a “top 10” university; (2) The professors at any “top 10” university can assume that every student is academically strong and is willing to work hard. This means that a highly ranked university will in many cases have classes that go faster, more homework, and tougher exams.

Which leads to the obvious question: How do you feel about “classes that go faster, more homework, and tougher exams”? From an academic point of view, do you want to do it? Do you want to do this while also playing a D1 sport?

For the vast majority of university athletes, then are never going to be a professional athlete. They are going to play their sport in university, get a good education, and then get a job that focuses more on whatever they majored in.

I think that I would believe them.

I did attend a “top 10” university for my bachelor’s degree. Years later I realized that there was something that I learned without even thinking about it. I learned that I could do it. That is actually a pretty big thing.

And I do not think that you can attend both schools and play both sports. You need to pick one. You also need to understand that a huge part of going to university is to get the academic education and the credentials that come with that.

This does sound like a possible option also. It sounds like this would take more time, and if so there is a cost to that also (such as waiting to draw a salary).

Another thing that I might say as a parent (rather than as a former student). I have a daughter who graduated from a “top 10” graduate program. I am proud that she did this. The cost is way less important than the fact that she got the degree that she wanted in the field that she wants to build her career, and she did it at a very good school. We were fine with the cost. It sounds like your parents are also okay with the cost.

I do think that this is a tough decision. I think that you have to pick one and go with it.

But if your parents say to ignore the cost, then I would ignore the cost, and focus on what you want to do.

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There are more than 2500 4 year colleges in the United States. A college which is in the top 200 is easily within the top 10% of all colleges and likely provides a very good education, which is what the goal of college is.

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First of all , wow - being able to play 2 sports on college at a competitive level is fairly rare - you must be a strong athlete and remember most HS athletes are not recruitable at all - please be proud of yourself and what you have accomplished already at a young age.

It sounds like a lot is going on in your head and I would advise you take the time to talk this through with your parents - we were a full pay family and we would never want our kids to think about it or worry about it.

Are you concerned this is a financial burden ? If you can’t discuss openly with your parents, is their another trusted adult that knows you and your family they could be helpful.

I know it is hard to remove reputation and rankings and I would advise you to quit listening to others outside of your close circle.

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Agree with this. Lose the guilt about the money … and then see where you’d rather be if that wasn’t an issue.

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How much playing time would you get at the Ivy in S2?

The way I read it, you like S1 more, maybe love it, but are considering giving it up to go to a school whose name is more impressive for you and your family. And potentially play less S2, depending on your answer.

You’re a great scholar-athlete. In my life’s experience, those types don’t have a hard time getting a job or going to grad school, even those from top 200 schools (vs. T-15). Real life: I went to a top business school. Many people were from Ivies. Many from places I’d never heard of or wouldn’t have guessed I’d see at my school.

Point is, you make of your college experience what you will. You seem like you could play two D1 sports and still get A’s at T-200 school. That’s outrageous.

But I have a bias. I also played two sports in college. I don’t remember a single class, but even as an old head I can damn near recreate every game and meet in my head. And remember many more teammates than classmates fondly.

You can go to any Ivy for grad school or get your “brand” name at a top company. But you’re not playing S1 after college. Certainly aren’t getting paid to do it along with an education. Do you want to stop now?

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An issue not yet discussed:

Can you sit out sport 1 for a year and play at a competitive level if you decide to transfer to play this sport ?

FWIW I have not looked at US News rankings in recent months. Here are the Ivy League schools ranked from #10 to #15:

#10 U Penn
#11 Cornell
#13 Brown & Columbia (tie)
#15 Dartmouth

Tough to pass up an affordable (according to your parents) opportunity to attend any of the above 5 Ivy League schools for an academically talented and motivated student versus a Top 200 school about which you are not excited with respect to the academics.

Free is rarely free–everything has a cost; in your situation, the cost is an academically superior education which is likely to offer better career opportunities.

Are there any opportunities to play sport 1 on a club level at the Ivy League school ?

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Fwiw, unless you are serious pro material, in which case the quality of the sports team might matter more than the quality of the school, you are choosing a SCHOOL. I’d put academics first. What you take with you academically will matter more than what you take athletically. The broken leg test is always a good one.

If your parents can swing the cost of the T10 school, it sounds like the best bet. Also remember that if you do not have an athletic scholarship, you do not have to continue with your sport if ypu change your mind about playing for any reason.

My hunch is you could also play S1 at the higher ranked school. Dual -sport athletes are less common than they used to be, and it has its challenges, but it can sometimes be done, especially when the sports are complementary (i.e. football and TF.)

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I think you are right to be cautious about paying a lot for a college if you feel like it is going to limit your choices for majors and next steps after college. I strongly believe college is supposed to increase, not decrease, your options for further education and career paths. And so if paying too much would in practice decrease your options, that is not good.

And it doesn’t sound like you really love S2, just like it, which is a potentially serious problem at a D1. Indeed, I note players in intense sports are sometimes told by coaches they can’t do certain intense majors. Again, more limiting of options. If a sport is your way of making college affordable, maybe you suck it up. But if it isn’t getting you a scholarship? I don’t know about that.

But it sounds like part of what is really bothering you is the large perceived gap between these colleges academically. So, have you looked into things like doing S1 at the club level, versus varsity? Maybe that is not suitable for you, but perhaps there are comfortably affordable options which you would like better academically where that could be an option.

I note holding aside the S2 wrinkle, this happens a lot in my circles. An athlete is recruited, but in the end none of the colleges recruiting them is really what they want. So they do club instead.

Like I know a really good soccer player who was recruited, but she ended up really wanting to go to Wake Forest. She also then had a serious injury senior year, but recovered enough to apparently dominate an IM league in her first year, and the club soccer women are definitely going to try to get her to do club next year.

Just an example, but there are ways to keep doing a sport besides a varsity team, if what you love is the sport itself.

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What does your heart say ?

I hear a lot of - people commented negatively or later proudly. But they are not living the life -you are.

There’s no assurance an outcome from a top 10 school - Duke, Northwestern, Ivy will have a better outcome than Bradley or Hofstra Quinnipiac or Arkansas or Washington State.

On average yes, but people aren’t averages. There are people all over that went to top schools that work for people who went to far lesser perceived schools.

And yes $400k is a lot but that’s an individual family call. Unless your family is gifting you savings and Ill assume they aren’t - then two things matter:

  1. If they are good spending and it won’t crimp their lifestyle, they are saying - go ahead.

  2. You have to be able to handle that. My dad said money is no issue and honestly it never impacted his lifestyle. But looking back, it does still bother me because while I went to a top school in the major, education is still in many ways a commodity and I’d be the same person had I gone to choice #2 (public) or #1 (tops in my major).

Point being - what do you think ? Not what your friends and relatives think - is what I think you should do.

They all should be proud of you regardless and if they’re not - that’s their issue. No matter what, you’ve achieved great things in the past and no doubt will again in the future.

If you want the higher ranked school, then great. If you want the lower ranked two sport, then great - and what stories you’ll have for your interviews and your future. Maybe they’ll call you Deion the 2nd !!

If you want the more expensive school - then great - as your parents have blessed it. If you want the less expensive because it aligns with your comfort and values, that’s great too.

To me, the right answer is what you want and the wrong answer is the one you make with the intent of pacifying others. You note their words have bothered you but if that’s what you prefer, you have to get past that. They may not realize that their words are hurtful and might not have that intent. You should be judged for you and not the school you attend. After all, I’ll assume you are the same person no matter if you go to Cornell or Colorado State, Duke or Detroit Mercy, Dartmouth or U Denver.

Best of luck.

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Transfers no longer have to sit out a year.

Without the athletic recruitment hook, the Ivy League school admission would not be assured. And if they are playing the S2 sport at the Ivy, not much free time to play club S1.

My two cents: if the lesser ranked school does not pass the broken leg test, find one that does. If that’s not the school you’re currently committed to, you need to pivot again before it’s too late. I’m not a fan of breaking commitments, but you need to find what’s right for you. Yes, it’s late in the game for athletic recruiting, but it sounds like you’re a strong athlete.

Tough decision! Good luck!

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I think that this is perfect, and is a really good way to think about it.

A lot of us can comment on what might have been right for us or for our children. @JJspeed2 you need to figure out what is right for you.

And I do not think that there is any bad answer here. I think that there are two good options, and you need to pick whichever one is right for you.

Best wishes.

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I’m curious why you weren’t recruited for S1 at the Ivies. Are you “better” at S2? Which begs the question of the level of competition at School #1 relative to the Ivies. It’s obviously not a P4, but the programs in all sports vary greatly in D1. Is there a chance you could walk-on or play S1 at the Ivy?

Also, is there some kind of Honors program you could participate in at School #1? This would mitigate the “quality of education” issue. You’d be in (likely smaller) classes with other high-caliber classmates.

Unpopular opinion in these boards, but as tsbna44 implied, there’s no fairy-dust at these top ranked schools. Just a generally deeper pool of smart motivated peers. And even then, its up to you to make the most of it. Don’t get caught up in the rankings, branding and marketing. College isn’t just about academics. Its about your experiences at a very special time of your life. YOUR life. YOUR experiences.

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Near-term (up to 4 years) : yes, you will feel proud to be able to say you are attending an ‘Ivy’ vs a top-200 is nice

Medium-term (4+ to 8 years): it is more likely than not that you will graduate from Ivy with a job that is at a more reputable company and a salary roughly at most 20-50%more than what you’d get coming out of top-200 school.

Long-term (10+ years): Where you got your degree would be irrelevant. Assuming you are good at what you do regardless of which school you graduate from, you’ll most make a similar amounts of money and will have similar opportunities.

All of the above is less relevant if you are an elite athlete with potential to play at the next level. IF you believe you’ve got a non-zero chance to make it at the next level with S1, then top-200 (assuming S1 at this school is nationally ranked at the top) over Ivy should be a consideration.

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Maybe more popular than you think! I went to a very fancy college and while I don’t regret the experience, I completely agree they are just schools, with a mix of pros and cons like any imperfect human institutions.

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I hear you. Went to a fancy Boarding school, fancy College, fancy Graduate Schools and have worked at fancy firms, and at each turn ran into smarter, better, more ambitious folks from no-name places. Any sense of superiority from those past credentials is fully squelched. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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Many of the “fancies” are better resourced and can offer more to their students. So it’s not simply about feeling superiority or name recognition. But – and this is a big but! - not everyone needs or wants what the fancies provide. If I want to be a writer, fancy labs and exceptional observatories and atom-smashers are likely to matter not at all.

The OP has indicated that the fancy school is very well regarded in their area of interest. Those resources should be compared to the T200.

OP may also want to think through the big fish small pond, small fish big pond tradeoff. Some people do much better in one situation over the other.

And @IndySceptic , you are so right about how the cream always rises - so if the OP has the confidence and presence to get a foot in the door and excel, that can be done from anywhere.

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You misunderstand.

If OP attends the Ivy League school and plays sport 2, OP will miss out on a year of playing sport 1 if he decides to transfer even with immediate eligibility. OP does not plan to play sport 1 during his time at the Ivy League school.

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This was not my question. I was asking whether a sport 1 is also available as a club sport.