<p>Nothing besides what her parents did. I am simply expressing my sympathy with their situation. I think Betsy’s parents showed remarkable grace and composure even after the roommate’s family tried to blame her for their daughter’s problems.</p>
<p>At the risk of derailing the thread what exactly is the definition of a mental illness? My sister-in-law was adamant that MIL with dementia was not mentally ill. There were physical changes in her brain that made her act strange. I think there is a definite possibility that most recognized mental illness are due to chemical or structural abnormalities in the brain. I think there’s also the possibility that some of those changes may have both good and bad aspects (think being able to concentrate on one activity something that is common to many autistic kids.) I also think that some illnesses you either have it or don’t, while others (autism is certainly one) where you can have mild or less mild cases.</p>
<p>The presence or absence of physical changes in the brain do not define mental illness. Structural brain changes are evident in schizophrenia, and no one questions that schizophrenia is a mental illness.</p>
<p>In everyday speech, we often think of mental illness as those conditions typically treated by psychiatrists (like schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety disorders), and we may not include those like Alzheimer’s usually treated by neurologists or gerontologists. But the borders aren’t so clear; many people with Alzheimer’s present symptoms like anxiety.</p>
<p>^Exactly. But why? I don’t understand why we make the distinction. Unless we don’t like the idea that 1/3 of 85 year olds are mentally ill.</p>
<p>Update–
Just heard from Betsy’s mom.
Betsy has been informed that her roomie’s parents are going to be on campus Friday to pack up and remove the girl’s belongings. I am glad she was informed–her mom says she plans to leave the dorm in the morning, and to stay away from the dorm until she gets an “all clear” that they have left. She doesn’t want to take a chance of running in to them.</p>
<p>From everything else the mom says, she is doing fine now in all respects. She and her new roomie are going on a bit of a shopping spree this weekend to decorate their room. Mom is much happier to spend the money than she normally would have been!</p>
<p>boysx3, I’m glad the school is giving her that heads up and that she’s doing so well now. </p>
<p>Of course this was a sad story on both sides. That goes without saying. If you were close with the parents of the roommate, naturally your biggest concern would be for her mental health. If you are a friend of Betsy or or her parents, then your immediate concerns are going to be with her. I was not a helicopter mom and rarely went this route, but as I mentioned, if I were Betsy’s mom, and the roommate’s outrageous demands had not been addressed Day 1 or 2, I would have gone over the RA’s head to dean of students.</p>
<p>Mathmom, slightly off topic but I like NAMI’s description</p>
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<p>I do believe the OPs roommate has some sort of psychological disorder. And I do believe psychological disorders would fall under the general category of mental illnesses.</p>
<p>And yes, I guess I “lump” Alzheimer’s in with mental illnesses. As someone dealing with multiple seniors right now, all in various stages of dementia I’m not sure why we wouldn’t consider it a mental illness. I guess I thought it was. Is there “new” PC terminology for psychological or neurocognitive disorders that I’m not aware of?</p>
<p>boysx3, thanks for the update. What a relief for Betsy. I hope her former roommate gets the help she needs.</p>
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<p>If Betsy was my daughter, I’d want someone present in the room while the roommate’s parents are there.</p>
<p>Betsy needs to demand to the RA or possibly someone higher up that there be someone standing at the door while the parents get the former roommate’s things. She might also want to request a guard of sorts while the parents are there.</p>
<p>Betsy and her RA have already changed rooms–so the parents will not be anywhere near Betsy’s things. The parents will actually now be at the RA’s room and the RA will be present. Actually, I think the dorm director will be present as well because apparently the parents directed some backlash at the RA as well.</p>
<p>I truly feel for the girl’s parents…I am sure they are lashing out because they are so frightened for their own daughter.</p>
<p>Betsy just doesn’t want to run into them, for obvious reasons.</p>
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<p>Betsy is already out of the room. It’s not as though the roommate’s parents are walking into Betsy’s room and packing up half of it.</p>
<p>Wow! What a story!! I am glad Betsy is OK and things turned out the way they did. Looking at it from the perspective of the RA, my son was in a similar situation his first few weeks last year as a brand new RA. He did have several weeks of training on all sorts of topics but even in several weeks, you can’t spend too much time on mental illness. He was 19 at the time and a Sophomore when one of his freshmen residents had psychotic episode on his floor. He did the right thing and called the police which is who they were told to call when something happens that is outside the scope of what they can handle, who then called the mental health professional on call for the school who talked this kid down then sent him to the hospital for a few days. After the few days, however, the kid was back and still having issues. It got so bad the parents were calling my son during class to say they were worried about their kid asking if they should come up to school. My son would divert the parents back to the mental health professional and the kid eventually left school.</p>
<p>I think all things considered my son handled things as well as he could have, but he was only 19 with three weeks of training. How much could he really do? I think the most important thing was to get others above him involved to help. The RA is really not the person who can handle something like this and I give “Betsy’s” Ra a lot of credit for agreeing to move in with this roommate. I wouldn’t have suggested that for my son.</p>
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<p>Oh, okay, gotcha. Somehow missed that she had switched rooms.</p>
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<p>Why would you have done that in the first day or two? There was some good advice in the original thread about having Betsy inform her roommate that the proposed rules were unreasonable, offer to negotiate some more realistic rules, and go about her normal routine (with lights, friends, and coming home quietly late at night), and letting the roommate take it up with the RA if she didn’t like it.</p>
<p>Of course we know now that the RM was not capable of adjusting, but what could you have told the Dean of Students to convince her of that in the first day or two?</p>
<p>wow, momoftwins, kudos to your son.</p>
<p>I also want to add that I think it is hard for the RA to realize someone is mentally ill with all the hubbub of the beginning of freshman year…a lot of kids have some trouble adjusting initially, or are just introverts not in to the whole social scene–but it does not mean there is mental illness at play. The RA won’t know any of the students individually, much less realize that a student is not behaving normally, because the RA has no idea yet of what is normal for that student.</p>
<p>And in the beginning the RA is facing so many situations–lost keys, drunk students, students being kicked out by roommates, students with acute homesickness-- some situations are going to be “triaged” and often it’s going to be the more “quiet” situation unfortunately.</p>
<p>And with a more normal situation (ie., with a roommate who is not mentally ill) odds are that over time the two of them would have worked out some sort of compromise between them.</p>