I am thankful for the advice I received in my first thread about the bullying issue. This is an update of that.
I did not last 3 months, I quit… They kept telling me that the low morale was all my fault, and I believed it myself, so I ran away thinking that it’s the least that I can do. A circumstance occurred that forced me to re-analyze what happened.
The one single story that they all colluded to tell is that of a person who disrupted a harmonious ecosystem. Yet, the events were far more complicated than that. One particular area of that ecosystem in which I was unfortunate to be part of was already experiencing high stress, and is led by a serial bully. He thinks that the issue were the weak members, the individual, instead of the process or his own attitude. One brave person in his team was ready to take action against his leadership even before I came.
In the middle of this chaos, I stepped in. An individual with a natural talent for certain things, but very low skill in other areas. My second week, I submitted an idea that was well-received. He wasn’t my direct manager, but that manager, immediately saw that as an opportunity to promote his own ideology… He felt disappointed that in one month, I wasn’t able to absorb enough information to make me the candidate that confirms his own bias. I blogged about why that is – the need for better knowledge management system because retention under stress is low, and collaborating with others who themselves are constraint with time and burdened with tasks, can cause some minor irritant. I described myself as an example, albeit exaggerating my weaknesses, to demonstrate the need in offering such resource.
Embarrassed and disappointed, that manager resorted to what he has always done when such thing occurs – humiliation… I, as someone bullied for most of my life, thought that indeed he was right. It wasn’t the process; it was simply my fault for being weak. For reasons I could not understand, the person training me joined in. This marks the beginning of “exposing the ignorant”.
I resorted to escapism and fantasy, with writing as my tool. I began solving problems and publishing it. One day, lady luck visited me. No one directly told me anything, but it seems fate has changed… The serial bully was silenced. The trainer still continues. Yet, another person joined in – the brave woman who saw this opportunity to right what’s wrong, and to advance her own legal ambition.
I failed to see her as an ally. My own attitude of “I don’t want conflict”, especially legal troubles + my own escapism, writing as my means of expression became my ruin. Even worst, I failed to see just how vast her network is, and how deeply respected she was in that ecosystem. All I saw is that the manager is untouchable, with other managers as his friends, having lunch with them, talking constantly to each other.
I have many failures throughout. A failure to see that the other animals in the kingdom wanted to see change happened, and thought that I can make that change. There were hints of the identity of that manager– his past conflicts, the high-turnover rate.
That leaders’ cheer-leading attitude, at times, made me though that he cared for me, and things can change with time. He didn’t control his team; he didn’t take responsibility in quieting down the noise. It’s exactly what he needed. Low morale was his greatest weapon against me. He was masterfully, igniting the fire when things calm down. The disappointed brave woman saw this ecosystem as hopeless. She changed her position, and the rest followed.
I thought explaining all my weaknesses, why I behave the way I behave, explaining this and that is how I can change their heart. I didn’t realize that it wasn’t about the misunderstanding of my character, or identity. It was that I did not cater to their self-interest. At some point, they awaken to find themselves ashamed of their own uncivilized behavior – that they felt, they needed to collude. No place for compassion when one’s existence is in question.
Internal conflict management is impossible when others felt that they can’t trust me to not tell the story of their past deeds…They say that I became a threat to the ecosystem, but not really. The people in other teams, the rest of the people on the floor manage to just go on with their day. Some of the employees have mood issues too, but that never made them a target for bullying.
Trust is very important, and it is hard to trust management to be fair when you all you see is them ignoring your plea for a remedy – to be transferred to another team, for example. I was kept in that same spot in order for another story to unfold. One that exploits my inherent weaknesses-- predictable reactions.
