USA Today - Facebook Pages Concern Parents of College Freshmen

Parents Forum
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<p><a href=“http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-08-07-facebook-housing_N.htm?csp=34[/url]”>http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-08-07-facebook-housing_N.htm?csp=34&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Students checking out their assigned roommate’s Facebook page and sharing that information with their parents has been discussed on other threads. USA Today has an article in the Life section today (Wednesday 8/8) about parents requesting a roommate change for their freshman based on what they see on those pages and how colleges are handling those requests.</p>

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<p>It seems that sexual orientation, religion, and race are the biggest concerns parents/students have with their prospective roommates. How much you wanna bet that this becomes the subject for some application essay prompts in the near future?</p>

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<p>I must confess that after the events at Virginia Tech, I have a little bit different attitude about tolerance of roommates’ behavior. Yes, objecting to the child before your child has actually met him/her shows both a lack of tolerance, and a lack of understanding that what gets put out on Facebook may or may not be the entire truth.</p>

<p>My problem is with the university that did no switching at all first semester. I believe that if my child felt truly uncomfortable about his roommate, regardless of sexual orientation, race, religion, I would be banging on some doors and asking some serious questions. I didn’t really feel that way 2 years ago when my D started college.</p>

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<p>There is so much more accessible information out there than ever before. When my older D started college three years ago, she didn’t know anything about Facebook. After receiving roommate information, they simply called each other. She was in a quad suite and all the girls seemed quite pleasant. One turned out to be somewhat psycho - called an ambulance for herself whenever she felt “ill”, threw horrible temper tantrums that scared my D to death, etc. 2nd suite mate got pregnant by a total loser, left school, and lost her four year full ride. Would D had been able to pick up any of these characteristics if she had had Facebook available to her - who knows!!</p>

<p>Another thought is how much of what someone presents to the world on Facebook is legitimate and how much is bravado. Look at Northstarmom’s post #78 on this thread - <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=376105&page=6[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=376105&page=6&lt;/a&gt;. She is being much more “adult” that I would be. I would be banging on doors demanding a room change NOW, before school even starts!!</p>

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<p>While I think the tragedy at VT needs to remove the wool from some eyes, part of college is learning how to adapt and deal with new and different situations - and dorm life is perhaps the biggest part of this. I think many people’s college experience, my own included, would have been materially different were it not for the experiences had with roommates. If every child who felt the least bit out of their comfort zone had their parents raising hell with the administration, I think there would be less chances for people to grow, change and mature by dealing with the situation themselves and as adults. </p>

<p>Now, there is a big difference between a learning situation and dangerous situation. But I don’t think your child feeling uncomfortable, even to an extreme degree, about someone’s race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. makes the situation dangerous or hazardous to them. What it creates is an opportunity to expand their comfort zone, to get to know someone they might not have.</p>

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<p>Isn’t college supposed to be about being exposed to new and different people and ideas? Dismissing someone that you might very well get along great with because of their Facebook page seems a bit premature, no?</p>

<p>And what about the poor kids who would have to be informed that their roommate wanted to switch? Rejected and embarassed before they even arrived on campus?!</p>

<p>I wouldn’t want to attend a college that allowed that.</p>

<p>As far as switches during first semester, I can understand why they wouldn’t be allowed. Usually all rooms are assigned then. But second semester, if a student puts in for a transfer odds are someone else will want one and/or students will have gone abroad/graduated early and opened up spaces elsewhere.</p>

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<p>Maybe this is why it seems like colleges have quit building traditional dorms with 2, 3, or more kids per room.</p>

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<p>Weenie, that’s not the solution either. The roommate experience is a big part of growing up in college. I’ve thought often of a couple of my D’s high school friends, one in particular who is an only child, who were so happy to get singles their freshman year - singles at a big university - and wondered how that affected their first years, which weren’t so super great.</p>

<p>Demanding a switch based on Facebook before classes start is a different thing than counseling your child to try to switch from an uncomfortable situation. Two years ago, I would have counseled my D to stick almost anything out for at least a semester, even a year. I guess now I feel that if my freshman son, for example, was disturbed enough to complain to me, that I would start pushing HIM through channels right away, rather than just counseling tolerance, which would have been my reaction 2 years ago, and, if he didn’t get results, and i truly thought the situation was worrisome, I would intervene - I don’t think I would have ever done that before - this is supposed to be something for the young adult to handle. At the very least, I would visit the school and try to assess the situation myself, under the guise of visiting junior.</p>

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<p>But how do you define ‘worrisome’? Having a gay roommate? Having a muslim roommate? Or having an emotionally unstable/abusive roommate?</p>

<p>Because in my mind, only the last one is a reason to switch. And then only AFTER correct channels have been pursued to either get the roommate help or have them change their behavior.</p>

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<p>I’m not a parent… but what bothers me about this situation is that it’s not the students wanting to change rooms, but their parents. It’s not the parents’ business if the student doesn’t mind rooming with someone who’s different from them. Now, if it was the student requesting a change due to sexual orientation, religion, etc., I’d say suck it up and at least give them a chance. That’s what college is about – meeting new people. But parents? First of all, most teenagers don’t give parents access to their Facebook/MySpace. I know I don’t. So a lot of these parents must have hacked their way in, which is really an irritating thought. And they need to realize their kids are adults.</p>

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<p>I agree with cangel, and ses I agree that the last reason is only reason to switch out of the reasons that you listed. I don’t agree that the switch should only be made after the roommate seeks or is given help, and I don’t feel that it is another student’s responsiblity to change the behavior of someone else. A roommate is not a parent, doctor, psychologist, clergy, professor, friend etc. They were simply paired to live together by a school.</p>

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<p>So, okay, college is “supposed to be about being exposed to new and different people and ideas.” I’ll buy that. I don’t buy the idea that forcing young adults to share intimate space with strangers is a necessary part of that. If students CHOOSE to room with others, fine – it’s great for them, broadening, educational, etc., etc.</p>

<p>I, for one, don’t choose that, and I respect the right of others to protect their privacy. Where did U.S. colleges get the notion that sharing a tiny bedroom with one or more randomly selected strangers is a necessary part of getting an education? How many mature adults would be willing to put themselves into that situation for the next four years, ceding their right to choose their own living situation to an unresponsive institution of higher education? If we decide that, say, the University of Michigan should control with whom we live, isn’t the next step allowing the State of Michigan to make such decisions? Or should competent adults (i.e., students over 18 years of age) be encouraged to arrange their own personal lives?</p>

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<p>Not all colleges notify you of your roommate before arriving. That was a great experience.</p>

<p>What about picking up the phone and calling the roommate? One of my kid’s roommates called and he was beyond charming and delightful. Much better way to discover someone than the Internet.</p>

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<p>**So, okay, college is “supposed to be about being exposed to new and different people and ideas.” I’ll buy that. I don’t buy the idea that forcing young adults to share intimate space with strangers is a necessary part of that. If students CHOOSE to room with others, fine – it’s great for them, broadening, educational, etc., etc.</p>

<p>I, for one, don’t choose that, and I respect the right of others to protect their privacy. Where did U.S. colleges get the notion that sharing a tiny bedroom with one or more randomly selected strangers is a necessary part of getting an education? How many mature adults would be willing to put themselves into that situation for the next four years, ceding their right to choose their own living situation to an unresponsive institution of higher education? If we decide that, say, the University of Michigan should control with whom we live, isn’t the next step allowing the State of Michigan to make such decisions? Or should competent adults (i.e., students over 18 years of age) be encouraged to arrange their own personal lives?**</p>

<p>You have a choice. Colleges are more than willing to inform you of living options, housing policies, and will more than likely even help put you in touch with current freshman who have just gone through the process. You can choose to follow their policies, or you can choose to matriculate else where. </p>

<p>Frankly, I think you don’t know what you can gain out of living with someone as a roommate until you do it. And I’m pretty sure most colleges feel the same why, which is probably the reason why many colleges have created residential EDUCATION departments, because they understand that in college, learning isn’t only done in the classroom.</p>

<p>Your whimsical, post-modern musings on determinism and the individual are interesting, but they have no basis in reality. Being assigned a roommate and a room your freshman year is not equivalent to letting the government control your life - it isn’t even in the same ballpark. And frankly, there are some practical concerns that come into effect with an issue like this. Colleges didn’t arrive at the idea of one room doubles and triples because studies showed that with rooms setup in that way learning was maximized, they did it because they needed space to allow more people to attend their school. So, they made the best of what they had, and turned it into an educational experience. An experience that I, and I’m sure many others, would not readily trade in because it taught me a lot.</p>

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<p>I will give a student opinion… I am actually going through trying to change my roommate. My parents don’t care if i do or don’t so it’s not that they are pushing me to change. I can pretty much get along with anyone and i feel like i could get along with my current roommate. However, i’m an athlete and was under the impression that i was going to room with a teammate based on questions on the housing forms and what my coach said. So it’s kinda different than why everyone wants to change usually. Either way, the college requires that all people involved in changing has to call the housing department and agree to change. Well it was kinda weird explaining the situation to my roommate, but i never said i DON’T want to room. He understood and agreed to change.</p>

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<p>celloguy, you are perfectly free to arrange your own life, go for it, but when you sign up for a college, you know full well what you are signing up for, if you want off campus as a freshman, find a school that allows that, live at home, or work</p>

<p>your choice</p>

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<p>hswerestling, why do you just want to room with an athlete, that is strange, you just want athletes around you? why?</p>

<p>I would think it was weird too, what makes an athlete so special that they can only room with each other</p>

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<p>Learning to live among people who are different from you is a good experience, but that can be accomplished fine without actually sharing a room with the person. Unless the actual room is the only place a student is willing to meet and interact with others, a dorm experience, a classroom experience, a stairs outside the library on the Quad experience–all are very valid ways to encounter and get to know others. Negotiating for a decent night’s sleep is not the only way to broaden one’s horizons.</p>

<p>I’m not saying that a roommate is necessarily a bad experience; I’m saying it isn’t a necessary experience. My S has had singles (or in one case soph year a walkthru double with each having his own room) his entire time at college, and has certainly met and become close to many many different people, and shared many kinds of experiences. My D’s worst year was freshman year with an incompatible roommate–one of the reasons she transfered. At her second school, she always had singles and now, three years after graduation, enjoys close, enduring friendships with the wonderful people she met there. She was leery of a single at first, but all transfers got them, and it turned out great.</p>

<p>Now, as a parent, I would have no interest in researching roommates (as I 've said before), and conflicts are the student’s issue, not mine. But I do concur that singles are a good way to avoid the inconsiderate, ill-behaved, or psychotic roommate (and having had all three myself, I can attest to how bad it can be–it’s not fun to be afraid your roommate will take a knife to you while you’re sleeping, while the RA is more interested in keeping her from being sent back to the loonie bin rather than listening to your concerns, but that’s another story…)</p>

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<p>Right. You’ve nailed the problem. It’s an economic decision, designed to cut costs by herding the clients into ghettos. The only “choice” a student has is to choose a college with civilized single accommodations or and/or a college that permits/encourages first-years to choose off-campus digs. This is all too rare in the U.S., and even colleges with lots of singles typically refuse to guarantee a single assignment. You sign up for housing, pay your deposit, and wait to see where you’re put.</p>

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<p>students are fully warned going in what the deal is, so if you don’t like it, don’t apply, pretty simple</p>