<p>Son was with team at a school event. His pals took his phone ($300 phone, not that it matters) and wouldn’t give it back. They opened it up and started looking through all the messages, numbers, pictures. He repeatedly demanded they give it back. His gf was there, and she was humiliated because they were looking at private stuff to do with her. Anyway, he finally punched a kid in the arm to get him to give it back. He’s afraid now that he’s going to end up in trouble next week. There’s a policy against “fighting”. Anyway, I’m furious at the kids, because there’s a tendency at this school for no respect for people’s private property. I’m going to have to be restrained if he gets called in on this.</p>
<p>If you do get called in, make sure your comments include the words “bullying” and “harassment.” That’s what your son and his girlfriend were subjected to, and the school probably has policies pertaining to such things.</p>
<p>You probably know the school climate better than anyone. Unless there’s one of zero tolerance policies that ties the administrators’ hands, if you and your son have a good relationship with the school, and your son and the other boy have got past the incident, that could help a lot. </p>
<p>I agree that you should have theft, bullying, and harrassment ready if you need them, but make sure to wed the sound to the sense, as Pope would say, and not escalate things if no one else is.</p>
<p>Sometimes I think the “zero tolerance” thing for violence is a bully’s best friend. Maybe if some of them thought they might get it back they’d think twice about being jerks.</p>
<p>No, you’re not overreacting, but fortunately you have the weekend to think this through What age group are we talking about here? I do agree with the instincts of Marian and Marite to have the “magic words” at hand because that was what was happening to your S. My guess is that this will not get him in trouble at school.</p>
<p>weenie, I tend to agree with you. A friend’s son was being harrassed by kids and he finally lashed out and wound up in a physical confrontation. He was suspended from school, along with the other kids, for a couple of days, but they never bothered him again.</p>
<p>No, you’re not. Your son did the right thing, and should not be punished for protecting his privacy and his property. This whole “punish both people involved in the conflict equally” is a lame cop out schools use becaus ethey’re too lazy to actuallyt investigate and determine fault.</p>
<p>no - theft is a crime and he is protected by the law</p>
<p>unfortunately he might get in trouble with the school alas I doubt the kid who got hit in the arm would go complain and then admit to stealing a phone</p>
<p>again theft is a crime and so is violation of privacy, unauthorized use of property that is not yours, etc…maybe put a call in explaining this to that kid and the potential consequences of bringing this issue up…suspensions/etc are not fun to explain on college applications</p>
<p>I don’t believe you’re over-reacting doubleplay. Your son repeatedly demanded his phone back, and those boys going through his personal messages was way out of line. At that point, he wasn’t left with a lot of options. It’s too bad that your son couldn’t get help from an adult, but that would just make him subject to future harassment and bullying, and that’s exactly what was going on. A punch in the arm seems to have solved the problem. I hope nothing comes of it, but you’ve gotten very good advice on how to handle it.</p>
<p>Doubleplay, I don’t think your S overracted. He was defending himself, his privacy and the gif’s privacy. Kids to this to each other every day, stealing each others belongings, and they think it’s funny. I’m wondering where this is coming from. I ask my D, who has NOT been brought up this way, and she tells me to forget about it. I guess she’s just trying to choose her battles. What’s wrong with these kids?</p>
<p>My friend’s son had his phone stolen by his friend at school detention one Saturday…itr wasn’t a $300 phone, but even still. This is a nice kid, not confrontational, everybody loves him. He knew who stole it, and tried to get it back. A group of kids surrounded him after detention and prevented him from getting it back. My friend was furious. The school (prestigious suburban public) did nothing. She called this kid’s parents…very wealthy, by the way…their reaction of course was “not our darling baby boy.” She had to cancel the service on the phone and buy him a new one, which she could least afford.</p>
<p>Three weeks later, the friend comes back with the phone, laughing.</p>
<p>Well, let’s see. When the drunk at the bar grabs his phone, do you want your son to draw back his fist? If he does, he has a good chance of getting beaten to a pulp.</p>
<p>He’s not in kindergarten for heaven’s sake. Your son hit a bully. That’s his problem, not yours.</p>
<p>One reason I am a little cautious about the bully and harrassment words is that depending on the school situation, using those words could trigger all sorts of formal procedures that take away staff discretion. Formal procedures don’t tend to benefit anyone in a situation where (if the boys really are pals) no lasting harm’s been done and no future harm expected. If you trust the administration has the kids’ best interests at heart (and in some schools you can’t of course), I think it’s generally better to give them some leeway.</p>
<p>Couldn’t hurt over the weekend to go back through the student handbook, to have a general idea of what to expect if the issue does get raised with your son next week.</p>
<p>Did an administrator see this or something? Otherwise he’d only get in trouble if the other kids report it, right? (if it happened the way it did then this would seem to odd to me that they would actually report their friend but people are crazy so who knows). </p>
<p>If this is the case though, he should work it out before school I’d say. Get in contact with the other people and explain that he felt he had no options and that he hopes there are no hard feelings, etc. This will probably put his mind to rest and even if a teacher did see it, if they work it out now when they get called in to talk about it perhaps things won’t escalate and it will explained as just joking around. </p>
<p>You have to watch out for what you keep digitally. Just like people used to say “don’t put anything in writing you might regret” - I wouldn’t recommend people keep texts or pictures in cell phones or digital cameras that they wouldn’t want other people to see. This does not mean these kids had a right to take your son’s phone - obviously they didn’t, and it was way out of line to harass anyone present about it. But most people have no sense of personal boundaries when it comes to things like that. Also, anyone can see this in a variety of situations. If he lost his phone and one of his teachers opened it to see whose it was and happened upon something that could be embarassing, etc.</p>
<p>Maybe this is why I have a WildChild, but I would support your son laying the kid out flat. Anything he did was justified and was in support of his own rights and those of his girlfriend. I am not a proponent of fighting, but sometimes it has to happen. My angel (really) of a daughter wound up slapping a boy in the 5th grade after he repeatedly shoved her, pinched her and bullied her (he was the son of a famous Dallas Cowboy, by the way). She came home in tears after getting a detention. I will tell you that there has never been an angrier parent than I was- after the teacher got to hear the whole story and how things were going to be, I taught my daughter how to throw a strong punch. None of this slapping stuff for MY kid. Sorry- but I believe in self-defense.</p>
<p>I’m considering writing a letter to the dean/AD to sort of head this off at the pass, explain what happened, tell them I fully support my son, mention the terms harassment, theft, and unauthorized use of private property. Thing is, S could have decked him- the kid’s a little twerp. That’s where the worry comes from- the big kid picking on the younger little kid thing.</p>
<p>Also, although it was a team get together, it was outside of school so I’m not sure the kid can do anything about it anyway, except go crying to the school and try to make S look bad.</p>
<p>I think the letter to the dean/AD is going too high and too soon. Most likely the “twerp” won’t complain about the punch on the arm and you don’t want to hand the higher ups a problem they he didn’t need to deal with. Since it was a team get-together, I think you should explain what happened to the coach. An activity that should have built camaraderie ended up doing just the opposite and this kind of thing can create more tension and division within the team. The coach needs to know so he can nip this twerp’s behavior in the bud and get the team bonding thing going.</p>
<p>A punch in the face would have sent a clearer message and would most likely mark the end of your son being bullied by anyone. The punch in the arm may have done the trick. A big bully in my son’s school recently grabbed the wrong kid’ wrist protector and started teasing him and called him a sissy for wearing it. The kid with wrist protecter has been studying karate for 6 years and promptly slugged the oaf in the face. Bully ran out clutching his jaw and crying. End of story.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t give it another thought. Your son was merely defending himself.</p>
What age group are we talking about here? I do agree with the instincts of Marian and Marite to have the “magic words” at hand because that was what was happening to your S. My guess is that this will not get him in trouble at school.</p>
alas I doubt the kid who got hit in the arm would go complain and then admit to stealing a phone</p>