I was going to post because my parent needed a new car and i did a lot of research on used cars I was going to link to my spreadsheet. Now in a week her new, used car is totaled. Her first car was totaled when she was dead stopped and he was DUI with texting. But now she let it roll in gear and over her leg. I am stunned. I knew nearing 80 she ought not make this trip.
I’m confused. Your mom was outside the car while car in gear, and it rolled over her? How injured is she?
I am so sorry! How traumatic for both of you! How is she doing with the leg? Even if competent before, the stress of learning the new car was probably a bit much.
However in fairness, I had a spell where I owned two cars, one standard and one automatic, and I left the less driven automatic in gear at one point when moving something in the drive and had to jump back in to brake as it started to toll.
My mom, now 93, drove up until about 5 years ago. Her license was taken away from her, and I am indebted to the policeman who saw her driving and refused to let her drive again.
Sorry about your Mom, hope she is OK. We had to take my Dad’s car away from him when he was around 79. It was pretty obvious from all the dings and dents his car was accumulating he shouldn’t be driving. He was furious but we made sure someone was at his house every day to take him places and he finally accepted it. Stinks getting old.
Everyone with elderly parents. Drive with your parent! Make sure they are competent to drive. If they do fine on a 10 minute trip, don’t assume they can drive for a longer distance. Don’t assume the doctor will let you know. The doctor will have no idea about driving competency. The doctor can be the “heavy” if you report poor competency. Many, but not all, doctors are happy to take away the keys.
My mother had been fine on trips to town and took a course for seniors drivers which gave interesting advice like “plan your route so you only have to make right turns - it’s okay if it takes a little longer.” She gave up longer drives when she fell asleep at the wheel and woke up in a field by the side of the road. Thankfully unhurt. Eventually she gave it up all together.
My MIL was the worst. She lost her license, but actually faked the date on it so she could keep driving! She told us she knew she’d be all right because she said a prayer right beforehand. That’s when we hid the car from her.
I do think sometimes just learning how something new works can be a real issue at this age.
Sorry you are dealing with this.
I learned a couple of weeks ago…a physical or occupational therapist (don’t remember which one) can do an evaluation of reflexes and driving skills. This is a good thing to have done. If the driver is competent, no one can then point the finger at the driver because you have documentation that the person IS. If not…YOU don’t have to be the messenger about not driving.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom’s accident. Hope she is OK.
@thumper1 It is typically an occupational therapist that has undergone driving training specialization. Insurance does not usually cover the expense which is usually several hundred dollars, but well worth it. I am amazed at the number of people who feel like Mom or Dad is no longer safe to cook or stay by themselves , but will not take the keys. I know that it is a very difficult decision to take them and not one to take lightly . But if you’ve ever experienced the grief of a patient and their family members feel after someone is killed or badly injured, you’d understand .
Right turns (in places where one drives on the right side of the road) also involve less waiting at red lights. So, for a trip that involves several destinations, visiting them in a clockwise fashion can be faster than in the opposite order. So can choosing routes where the destinations are on the right side of the road as you approach them. Delivery companies can make use of such techniques when issuing delivery routes.
Sorry I didn’t post more detail. She is a good driver enough to pass any test. No one would ever test her and not pass her. She is competent. The issue is with distracted driving, bad judgement and tiredness. Also a bit of over aggression, imo. It is true that her last car was dinged up like crazy. A bunch of near misses I suppose.
She did have a car that she was not familiar with, one week new. This accident happened because her car was in gear. Her old car wouldn’t let her open the door in gear she says. She had a plan. She was going to drive from LA to SF. But she had a stop midway overnight with a friend. She made a plan to stop every 2 hours. She didn’t because she got off late. She made a plan to get a motel if she didn’t make it on time. She didn’t because she was only an hour or hour+half away. She got terribly lost in some backwoods lake area. She called the friend and had to be let into the area by a guard. The friend was shouting, the guard was unfriendly because she didn’t have plates, she felt pressured to give a paper with her VIN on it. She got out of the car to hand the papers and the car rolled, her leg was caught in the car and as the car rolled forward it ran over her leg. Not broken. It ran into a pole and then sheared off along a fence causing damage. Paramedics came and she chose not to go to the hospital even though her leg got run over by her back wheel. I am furious that the paramedics and our friend didn’t advise her to go to the hospital. She only called me 4 days later when she was in the ER because her leg was black and blue and hurting.
So basically she ‘hid out’ for 3 or 4 days and never got to her destination because she didn’t want to tell anyone. We are just stunned and don’t know what to think. She really can’t live where she is if she can’t drive, there is nothing close enough.
Well… If it were my parent, it would be time to talk about moving to someplace where there are other transportation options. She knew she shouldn’t have done it, otherwise she wouldn’t have hidden out. With the dings in the old car, that is a sign as well. What if she hurts someone else, not just herself the next time?
@BrownParent The types of behaviors that you are describing i.e. Distracted driving , bad judgement, lots of dings In her other vehicles , over aggression, “'near misses” , difficulty learning new equipment , inflexibility and refusing medical attention may be an early sign of declining executive functioning . The initial signs of declining executive function may be very subtle . She may or may not be able to pass a regular driving test given by a driving instructor . She is throwing red flags that appear that she would not be able to pass a test given by a certified driving specialist that assesses
distractibility,range of motion , response time, ability to shift attention, follow directions from A to B and problem solve when original plan is disrupted. I’m not implying that your Mom is mentally incompetent , I’m saying that she may have some deficits that may benefit from a specialized driving eval by a certified health professional . The other benefit is some of these skills can be practiced and improved to making the driver safer to continue driving. I completely understand the difficulty of considering that a parent or grandparent may be declining and will be unable to continue driving indefinitely . It is a tremendous loss of independence . It is never an easy decision or a comfortable conversation to have. Good luck to you and your mother. If this info is not helpful to you , I hope it gets someone else thinking.
In terms of her friends or paramedics "
not advising her to go to the hospital" in all likelihood she was strongly advised and refused medical attention . Paramedics cannot force anyone to have medical evaluation. People have the right to refuse treatment. She was ultimately the one to choose whether or not to accept it. Clearly , it was not the best decision .
Honestly…being distracted, having bad judgment, and driving when tired do not add up to a good driver. But you already know that.
My inlaws live in the boondocks. One already isn’t driving, and the other really shouldn’t be. Same issues…aggression, distracted, bad judgment, etc. the family is already talking about what to do. They want to do something before she has some accident, Wrecks a car, or whatever.
It’s not an easy thing.
Thank goodness my parents gave up driving on their own. Gave away the car, and surrendered their licenses.
Re: not going to the hospital after the accident. Keep,a close eye on her doctor bills and payments. one of the intake question always asked is “is this the result of a automobile accident”. Her answer would be yes. Insurance might not be so forthcoming with payment. Or they may expect the auto insurance medical to pay first.
Your mother hid for 3-4 days to avoid anyone finding out about the incident, and you are taking her word that professional paramedics didn’t advise her to go to the hospital after getting her leg run over?
Isn’t it more likely that your mother is lying about those details because she skipped the hospital to avoid creating more evidence of an incident?
Driving is more than technical skills. It’s judgment, non-distractedness, and not being tired. Those things raise red flags all over the place. Plus, dinged-up car – red flag. Hiding – red flag. Not knowing she wasn’t capable of making the trip, and pushing ahead even when problems arose – red flag.
She’s not safe, and it’s time to take the keys away. Don’t wait until a tragedy happens.
Sorry not to check in again, I appreciate the posts. I have been going over there for a few days since our family friend drove her back. She is definitely shaken and not going to be driving right now. A driver test is short and I have seen her drive and she is better than most at technical skills. Not one is asking for her to take a driver test at this time, anyway. But she is really nervous and anxious right now, and though we didn’t yet talk directly about it she is not going to drive, according to what she said to our friend. The friend is driving the rental. I don’t/can’t take keys from any independent adult that doesn’t live with me, I can only do a DMV report or something. I am telling my sisters she is in no condition right now, but I am pretty relieved that she seems to be onboard with that so now it is more a problem what to do with an active person stuck in a suburb and can’t even get to the grocer without a ride. My idea is to give it a year because there are 2 sisters, one cousin and me not far, I am farthest.
Her leg looks like a purple knee sock is on it. You can see exactly where a tire rolled on it in straight lines, but the foot is all swelled up too, even though the tire didn’t go over it. I was shocked to see it because she downplayed it. I know bruises look worse then they are but it was horrifying.
I took a medical iceing machine, a wedge and gave her my kindle paperwhite (yes I am getting a Voyager).
Sorry about this, but the first post I ever saw on CC about elderly driving issues was a family that didn’t take action, thought the person was really pretty good at driving, didn’t think they could do much, took the wait and see approach- and the relative caused a fatal accident.
Passing a driving test is not the full picture. Come up with ideas of how she can get to the market, doctors appts, and meet friends, other than driving. Best wishes; its clear this rattled you.
I don’t get your point. Many people cause fatal driving accidents. Do you have some reference? I think teens cause the most, yes?