<p>Long time lurker here with a question that is somewhat similar to the Life after College conversation. We have a son who recently graduated early from college. Actually, his diploma was mailed to him while he was in the hospital for an extended stay. He was finally able to come home (although he has required in-home nursing care for several months) and he’s been making slow progress of the two-steps-forward-one-step-back variety. However, considering that he nearly died, we’re delighted with any progress no matter how slow.</p>
<p>Ds plans to return to his university, about 100 mi. from home, for post-bac studies in the fall. Scheduling & sequence issues mean that it will require two semesters to complete the few classes he needs, so he will fill in with other courses to qualify as a full time student for medical ins. purposes. He also must be FT to live on campus, which will be a new experience for him. He has a rare private room reserved because of his medical problems, some of which will be permanent issues. </p>
<p>Ds now fills his days (actually, mainly nights) surfing the web, playing WoW, communicating with friends online, reading, and watching TV. He was up to having friends visit for the first time just two weeks ago. We hope that he will have healed enough in a few weeks to begin light exercising and maybe start driving in a month. He wants to return to the college town this summer, live with a relative, and just hang out with friends until classes begin in August. He will only have to return home about once a month to see his doctors, as long as all is well. </p>
<p>My hope is that ds will not lapse back into some bad habits, such as guzzling CodeRed to stay awake during marathon WoW sessions and staying up all night on the computer then sleeping the day away & never seeing sunlight. At home I can at least make sure he takes his Rx meds, eats well and spends some time sitting in the sunshine on mild days. Yes, he’s an adult, but he’s still my son and it’s hard not to worry after all we’ve been through.</p>
<p>We’ve already been questioned by relatives about what ds will do until school resumes. There’s an underlying current of criticism about us supporting him after college, despite the circumstances, and letting him goof off all summer instead of working. I would like to see him have some goals this summer but not a stop gap job or extra classes. Rather, I’d like for him to go to the fitness center to begin to regain his strength, and to spend time outdoors, at least when it’s not too hot, rather than sit at the computer most of the time. I’d also like for him to devote time to career/life planning since recent events have made him question his former goals and plans. I can suggest all of these things, but there’s no way to know that he will follow through. I don’t think we ought to attempt to micromanage his life, but neither do I think that we can just hand over the money and be content with “Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine.” </p>
<p>This has all been so outside the realm of our previous experience that we’re sort of stumbling about trying to figure out what’s the right thing to do. Dh & I are exhausted after months of fear, worry, sleeping in a chair at the hospital, and then being on-call 24/7 at home to flush IV lines & administer meds & make late night runs to the ER. I don’t know how dh is handling work so well, since my brain has nearly turned to mush. We’re trying to take the long view about these decisions and consider what will matter decades from now, but that’s not so easy. Your advice, especially if you’ve been through something like this, would be appreciated.</p>