<p>I'm just wondering if the text is maybe missing something, if you think I might need to add something for it to be more effective, i've had it proofread but I feel like something might be off:</p>
<p>HOW DID YOU LEARN ABOUT VASSAR AND WHAT ASPECTS OF OUR COLLEGE DO YOU FIND APPEALING?</p>
<p>I first learned about Vassar through a friend of mine who applied there last year.
She was very interested in your art programs and spoke of how major it would be if she was accepted.
I was intrigued and began looking up information about Vassar. I browsed the website, taking special note of the French and Psychology programs as they are two majors I am considering. As I read, I became more and more interested in Vassar.
In addition to my interest in your academic programs, I am also drawn to your location and campus. When I moved to the USA in August, 2010, it was, for the most part, the first time I had lived in America. I am now able to travel and discover new places in this country. Poughkeepsie looks beautiful and I am keen to discover it. I am confident campus life at Vassar would be an enriching, life changing experience. Moreover, I am interested in Vassar due to its high selectivity and focus on an applicant's character and personality as much, if not more so, than their grades. Every person I have spoken with regarding Vassar has emphasized how important it is to show yourself as the unique individual you are and to show that you truly care about your education and world around you. Grades and test scores are important, but they do not define a person's intelligence as a whole and they certainly cannot convey a person's intense desire to learn more.</p>