Very embarrassed. Valedictorian rejected from top schools.

Applying to College
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I’m the Valedictorian of my high school.
I’ve always been the “over achiever” type, or rather…the nerd. Yes, the nerd who would study every day of every week of every month of every year.
I self-studied for 11 AP Exams that nobody told me to study for. So why did I do it?? Don’t ask me because I have no idea!!!
Anyway, after four years of mostly studying, I didn’t do much in leadership. I was a member of around 10 clubs but just a member.
I applied to: A&M, UT, Rice, Stanford, Harvard, Yale, Duke
Stanford, Harvard, Yale, and Duke I applied to because I wanted at least one acceptance letter. Why? Because I’m the Valedictorian and other kids in my class expect that of me, as well as my family and friends. Last year’s valedictorian got into a bunch of Ivy Leagues including Harvard. He’s at Stanford right now.

I was never actually considering of actually going to those four because they are out of state and WAY too far and I’m kind of emotionally dependent on my family and dogs and couldn’t stand to be away for too long. Plus, if I were to go, I’d be surrounded by kids 100x smarter than me, which would result in me feeling way too pressured/stressed since silly me always wants to be the over achiever.

I got rejected from all those four (well, wait-listed at Duke and Yale). Now I have to face everyone tomorrow at school. I will probably lie and say I didn’t check Harvard or Yale yet because I’m too scared. People know I got rejected from Stanford though. I mean, I’m not surprised in the least bit because I was just a study nerd, nothing else. But still, it’s very humiliating.

How am I going to give a speech on graduation day?? Why should I give that speech to 600 other students who lived a better life than I did, had more experiences…kids who are actually passionate about things…and most of all, kids who probably got into better schools than I did (I know of a few that did already…way better schools).

I wish I could go back in time and tell my freshman year self this: Do NOT spend your time studying…just study enough to be in the top 30…Instead of studying, join a bunch of clubs and get exposed to different careers, especially engineering. Do internships, do programs, go places!! Travel, BE someone. Don’t spend these next four years in your room reading a stupid textbook or AP prep book or re-doing your Calculus homework a 100 times or writing a 100 page notes for your Government class. Just stop studying. Go out. Do something!! Make contacts, experience things! Get a job!

You know what’s worse? When I was a freshman, I had NO intention of being Valedictorian. In fact, I was hoping there would be kids that studied far more than I did who would end up in the top. I was hoping to just be in the top 10 %
But, of course, the over achiever I was made me study because I wanted nothing but a 100 in all of my classes. That’s how I ended up as Valedictorian.

Now…I’m going to college and I’m thinking …maybe I should just settle. Maybe I should go with Business since I hear it’s extremely easy the first year at UT (and a lot of kids have the time to just party their freshman year since it’s that easy) instead of Engineering (where kids spend most of their time studying because it’s 100x more difficult).

Maybe I should just settle. Maybe I should just stay here in my city and be a Medical Assistant or something (I’m already a certified medical administrative assistant so I could start now).

Or if I do go into Engineering, I should go for the 2.8/3.0 GPA and instead of studying full time, spend most of my time trying to intern or something.

The Valedictorian, and I’m going to UT. I was going to go to Rice or UT anyway, but still…Valedictorian and REJECTED from those four schools.

You want to know something funny? I was this close (imagine me holding my index and thumb very very close together) to not applying to UT because I thought that was the last place I’d go. As a result, I didn’t apply for any of their scholarships and now I’m scholarship-less…A scholarship-less, Valedictorian who got rejected from those four schools and is staying in state.

I already know people will talk. I know I shouldn’t care what they say, but I just do. It’s humiliating. I wish I could go back and just force myself to stop studying and instead to DO something with my life.

Advice for all you high school kids: Be a leader in some way. Do a bunch of summer programs. Get exposed to different careers and find out what you like. APPLY EARLY to universities ( I applied on the second to last day for all of them!!!). Study and get As and Bs (try to go for the top 5% in your class, but don’t let school take up too much of your time). Join sports.

When I was a freshman, I knew all of the advice I just gave above…but for some reason I didn’t follow it. Maybe because I thought I would never, ever be Valedictorian. Once I did become Val, I just couldn’t stop studying…I was too invested, I thought…I can’t just quit now.

I should’ve quit.

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Oh and I know people will whisper and say “She’s the Valedictorian and got rejected from all the big schools she applied to.” They’ll think, “it’s because all she ever did is study…she had no life.”

It’s true…but it’s sad and humiliating. Plus, rejections make me feel like all my hard work these past four years was worthless (which it probably is). But…

Sad day today. Just realized I wasted four years of my life. Well, I’ve known this all along, but it just hit me hard today.

Sorry for the stupid rant. Writing my feelings and putting them out there in the internet world somehow makes me feel better.

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Oh and adding to the advice: FIND YOUR PASSION.

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2500 years ago Socrates was advising to stop worrying about what others think of you . The advice is still golden today.

1 Like
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Now you’re just being silly. You know what is a big part of what gets you internships? GPA. Slack at your own peril.

And your hard work wasn’t wasted, because now you know HOW to work hard. You know how to take tests on things you haven’t been taught (aka, bad professors that you will certainly encounter no matter what your major). You won’t fail out first semester because you assume college will be just like high school. Allow yourself your moment of disappointment and then realize what a great position you are in: a smart, hardworking student who is about to go to college, an opportunity not everyone gets and one which not everyone is prepared to make the most of.

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You didn’t waste 4 years of your life. You’ve developed a stellar work ethic, as evidenced by your incredible GPA. It seems like you’re defining your worth by your college acceptances, which certainly doesn’t define you. It doesn’t matter if other people got into better schools, you should be proud of your accomplishments (self-studying 11 APs is crazy) and don’t care so much about what other people think. 4 years from now none of those people will think of you as the valedictorian who got rejected from a few colleges. If they do, they’re terrible people and you shouldn’t care about their opinion anyway. And settling for UT… UT is an awesome school and I certainly wouldn’t call that settling.

You’re just as competent now as you were a month ago. If you want to do engineering, then go for it. If you want to do that for the rest of your life, wouldn’t you rather graduate with a decent GPA(2.8-3.0 is pretty decent for engineering majors) and work at something you’re passionate about than slave for a 4.0, get out of college and hate your job for the rest of your life.

I think you need to step back and think about what matters to you. At the end of the day, it’s your life, so why should you live it to the expectations of somebody else?

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A year from now, when you are almost finished your freshman year, likely very successfully if you go to the school that is actually the one you planned to go to in the first place and maintain that close relationship with your family while spreading your wings, you won’t give a hoot about this stuff.

Write an inspiring farewell speech to your graduating class, that is the valedictorian’s role. Being valedictorian has nothing to do with where you did or didn’t get into college, only how you ranked in your high school class.

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Embrace the UT experience. None of this will matter in a few months.

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@bodangles I know i’m not in a bad position at all because, in the end, I would’ve gone to UT or Rice anyway. This is the end result that I wanted BUT I could’ve also been accepted to UT if I was top 20 or 30 or even 100! I have friends of mine who are way smarter than I am and are top 20…going to not only UT but Princeton and those other big schools. And they know exactly what they want to do since they didn’t spend their time studying for random subjects and AP tests.
The point is, I would have this exact same end result without studying as much as I did.

Now, I actually feel like I don’t want to study as much since I didn’t get to enjoy my high school experience, and I don’t want to repeat that in college.

I know this is not the end of the world. It’s actually the beginning of one. BUT that doesn’t take away from the humiliation that I’m going to face these next few weeks, especially at graduation.

I’m being silly right now, I know. But…I just can’t help but to feel humiliated.

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Maybe it came across in your application (essays?) that you didn’t really want to go to those schools, that you wanted to be closer to home.
I’ll tell you what I tell my kids. If you treat these rejections as no big deal, and seem happy about the plans you have, then others will follow suit. You are going to your top choice. You’ve learned a lot in high school both because of what you did and what you didn’t do. None of that was a waste. If you think you wouldn’t have wanted to go so far from home, it’s probably my best you didn’t get into those schools. One, because you won’t feel pressured to go to them and two, because it leaves those spots open for kids who desperately want to to them.

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This one friend of mine is in the 30s rank-wise…she spent most of her time hanging with family and friends, doing summer programs, extra-curricular activities, and she found her passion by experiencing with different things. She’s going to Princeton. She knows exactly what she wants to do.
I don’t because I never took the time to figure it out since my face was in a book.

Honestly, people should just ignore this thread because I know I’m coming off as extremely silly and childish but…I just got the news. Sorry for the stupid rant.

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Top schools have gotten wary of carefully crafted valedictorians who have never experienced hardship or failure. Some of whom have jumped from the nearest parking garage at their first failure or disappointment (as in Columbia and Tarrytown high). So, you have an opportunity now to show these schools what you are made of-and it is something much stronger than that. You can congratulate those who got into the schools of their dreams but you should also know that the true mettle is about how you and your peers handle the failures and hardships in life. And everyone will encounter them. Nobody is immune.

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You need a hug.

I’ve never seen someone spin being VALEDICTORIAN into such a negative thing.

Heck if I was a Val in high school, I’d still be talking about it. :stuck_out_tongue:

You could have done all the things you suggested and still have gotten rejected or wait-listed from some of those elite schools.

You are a very talented, hard-working young student and you have what it takes to succeed. Take UT by a storm and make the most of it.

As far as your Val speech - think about what inspires you and what might inspire your classmates. This is the end of one era and the beginning of another. Share what you have learned (in a positive way of course, imho).

Congratulations - and stop beating yourself up!

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Thanks to everyone above. I know I’m being over dramatic. I just can’t help it at this very moment.
UT is great, I know. Most of my friends are going there too, which is awesome.
Hopefully no one asks about Harvard again, but I have a feeling they will.

You know, the good thing about a diary is letting out all your feelings.
The Internet world is just like a diary, except it also offers advice and reassurance. All of you are very nice, wonderful people. I apologize for the dumb rant, but I am very grateful that you read and responded. Thanks.

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I honestly don’t even understand the love for certain schools over others anymore. They’re all schools. When I posted during my first semester about being depressed and anxious, I was told by one poster to be happy, because it’s PENN STATE, as if Penn State is the epitome of the college experience. And similarly you’re going, because it’s PRINCETON and HARVARD and STANFORD. But in the end…who cares??? There are bad professors, annoying classes, impossible tests at every school. THEY’RE ALL JUST SCHOOLS. (My official opinion on this is actually more like “Every school sucks in some way” but maybe that’s a bit cynical for this thread.)

Schools. Places you’ll spend four years at and then move on. Places you’re going to for the purpose of getting an education, not for the pleasure of saying, “I went to PRINCETON.” And you didn’t want to go there anyway, so the only thing that happened is that you didn’t get bragging rights that would have been rude to flaunt in people’s faces anyway.

ETA: But it’s good that you’re getting your feelings out. Hope I don’t seem like I’m trying to argue with you. Just have some strong opinions on the subject due to having felt the same way (not Val, but up there) when I graduated.

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Seems like you did not get rejected “everywhere”, since it looks like you are going to the University of Texas.

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@SouthFloridaMom9 Your comment made me cry. I needed that. Thank you.

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You just said you weren’t going to them anyway. Stop obsessing, that is ridiculous. And it might be a good lesson – telling everyone where you applied wasn’t the best plan. You don’t have to tell them specifics tomorrow – shrug and say that your results weren’t as good as you hoped, and ask them how they did. Talk about how excited you are about UT.

Here is the thing… teenagers THINK everyone is looking at them, and like everyone else cares a lot about what is happening to them. Not so much… You can get past this in a couple of days, if not less. My D2’s valedictorian went to our state flagship (not one of the “shiny” ones). He is perfectly fine there. I don’t even know where else he applied.

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@ucbalumnus Everywhere as in the big schools that all my classmates, friends, and family expected me to get into.

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You’re very welcome OP. <>