<p>Hello, I’m currently applying as an 11th grade student/junior to Thomas Jefferson School in Saint Louis, Missouri.</p>
<p>The circumstances that drove me to leave my previous school have left me in a state of incessant headache for more than six months now. At one point, I honestly believed that I could not read anymore. I feel confused and light-headed upon waking up every day, and all I need is some new hope. I’m one of four applicants to the open position at the school, and there is something of a backstory:</p>
<p>Throughout primary school, I was the top of my class. It was a private roman catholic day school known for exemplary academics, and I’d never earned marks other than A+'s and A’s, with the former typically more predominant in my report cards. I left in sixth grade for a private 7-12 christian school. For the first two years there, I had straight A’s, and I worked for them. I wrote papers that my teachers suggested be published, and I competed in basketball, soccer, and tennis in A-level leagues. Peers would tell me that they thought I was very intelligent and very studious, as did my teachers in all subjects. My parents never demanded things from me academically, though I had always performed fantastically well, and they were proud. I made a terrible mistake which left me where I now sit, however, and I’m searching for opinions from another crowd.</p>
<p>In the second semester of eighth grade, after having had A+'s and A’s once again in the first semester’s final scores, I became lazy somehow. It was some subconscious decision, I think. I would come home, and though I knew there was a purpose, I just wouldn’t open my books. It wasn’t torturous to do so at any time and would not have been at those times. Yet, I gave in and at the most inopportune time. By second semester’s final, I had C’s and one D, yet it was a very abrupt transition: the right column of my grade reports would read A+, A, F, F, F, F, A+, F, etc. The failures were 0’s; I simply didn’t turn in assignments that I could have done in my sleep. This was entirely new, and entirely my fault, though such a pattern had never before been seen with me. When it came time to schedule courses for Freshman year, I knew it would be a fight. I had well beyond the ability to take honors courses and excel, and my teachers told me so. They told me more often in Algebra I and Science, though my strengths were in English and History. But, I got hurt by my short three months in laziness, and my freshman schedule was pathetic. I was furious, but I reasoned that if my on-paper performance and strength of schedule increased greatly over time, it would help more than hurt when the time came for college admissions.</p>
<p>As a freshman it was extremely difficult to maintain focus for any length of time. Friends that I had been consistently ranked among, or more often well above, were working hard and making a name for themselves, and I was stuck in regular english and geometry and so on. I studied, without exaggeration, ten minutes for my geometry final and earned a 93%. The same went for history, and other subjects, but my performance was inconsistent. I would always score well [enough] on tests and quizzes, but papers would be weeks late and one early morning in the making. I thought my counselors might give me a chance as a sophomore, and all my teachers thought that would be a good idea as well. I had recommendations across the board, and was accepted to the student council. In august, I opened a schedule with a full lot of regular courses, and went back to the office immediately. After hours of pushing, with my parents entirely indifferent for the entire discussion, I got not one. I reasoned once again that surely, this wouldn’t happen while I was a junior, when it mattered most. And that year, I did just fine. The patterns were similar, though I turned in enough assignments to earn me B’s and A’s across the board. That range was their requirement. All along the way, there were plenty of signs that I had immense potential. My drama teacher came to me with the news that my five-page analysis of the local repertory theatre’s production was truly the best she’d ever read. I was one finalist among four other seniors in the first annual poetry slam, as a sophomore. But by the time junior year came, it was the same game. Though you might be thinking there was some small other problem, there wasn’t. They took all my scores as though I were trying my very hardest, while all I ever wanted was another chance. I left, realizing that there was no hope for me at that place anymore, and I thought another school might give me a chance. I don’t deserve one at all, but I need one, and I am capable. I only want to take an AP set of four, is all. I never wanted to skip grades or even take AP’s as a freshman or sophomore. I didn’t want anything unusual or special. I only wanted to be with my friends in the position I took for granted.</p>
<p>I applied to TJ and took the SSAT, though I’ve been out of a math course for six or seven months now, and as I said, I wonder if something isn’t truly wrecked in my mind. My score came out very lopsided, though my Iowa basics in grade school were very consistent across the board, math and all. They were:</p>
<p>Verbal: 788 (96%)</p>
<p>Math: 713 (46%)</p>
<p>Reading: 740 (96%)</p>
<p>Total: 2241 (92%)</p>
<p>I’d use expletives liberally if I knew I wouldn’t get banned or removed from the forum. My essay was mediocre, as is most everything I try to do nowadays. I don’t necessarily want sympathy, but my god, is there anyone who is capable of a 96% in two subjects and a 46% in the other?! This can’t be a fair evaluation. I swear to anyone, I can perform phenomenally in math and science classes when I’m not losing hair and wanting to die. Had I taken this a year ago, I’d have a 98%, and I’m sure of it! I can remember the types of simple little problems on the math section, but hardly how to do any of them! If I don’t use my math skills regularly, I’ll lose them temporarily. What chance do have to convince TJ that I’m not average at all? I feel a bitter remorse when I read these message boards, knowing that most of you that post were of the special few that I remember so well. Please ask questions before you draw conclusions or judge me. I just want verification by other competent thinkers and doers that being restricted from an opportunity so easily within one’s capacity is vastly more stressful than any heavy course load.</p>
<p>And trust that I understand something like this won’t fly with college admins. It’s about passions and performance, which is why this bothers me so much. I want to have both, yet I can have neither, and I can’t lie.</p>