S2, 6, enjoys school, especially the social interaction and ‘specials’ but also the ‘doing schoolwork’ part. He of course loves his weekends and enjoys kid stuff like soccer and playing with legos. All just seems groovy. In contrast…
S1, 8, who fits the Asperger’s profile, tolerates school (most of the time) but left to his own devices would immerse himself in books. Non-fiction, fiction, comics. Books about space, books about dinosaurs, YA novels about espionage, Calvin and Hobbes, a biography of Dr. Seuss chased with a book about WWII washed down with a picture book about Zheng He. Looking at his bean bag, his current read is a sort of textbook about farming (bookmarked to page 125 and a diagram of how a cow’s stomach works (ruman, reticulum, omasum, abomasum)).
We (parents, teachers, therapists) spend a lot of time and energy encouraging compliance with school work. I think he needs to do math fact, learn to spell, navigate the wilds of recess, dance in the spring show (ok that didn’t happen, maybe next year) but there is a little voice somewhere deep in my brain that keeps saying, “just let the kid read!”
I would love to hear from parents of bright/quirky kids with burning passions who have gone through parenting middle childhood and adolescence-age kids. I guess I’d love some confirmation that yes (of course!) I’m not going to extinguish my son’s internal flame by insisting on standard operating American schooling. We often meet homeschooled kids in our neighborhood (NYC) and it gives me pause. What if S1 would be better off chatting to museum staff, spending hours researching his favorite topics at the library and joining clubs for social interaction…
I think I’m doing the right thing by my kid, for his future, by putting him in a mainstream environment.
Thoughts appreciated.
S1 is currently learning about the world by being social and interacting more with people. S2 is learning about the world -both fictional world and non-fictional world - by immersing himself in books. Both are ok, neither is wrong.
Those roles might switch at some point or blend. In their own time.
Never, ever underestimate the “smarts” and insight that S2 is getting by being a bookworm. I’ll bet he is quietly VERY observant about his world.
(and as a literacy professional, I know - and I think you know - that there is a WHOLE section of parents who would kill to have a child who loves books! Parents - especially educated parents like you and your H - lose lots of sleep over their non-readers!)
@abasket Agree that my Aspie son (he’s S1, S2 is the neurotypical kid) absorbs a tremendous amount via reading, and he does not just absorb facts - there is subtlety and nuance to what he takes in and retains. I’m over the moon that he’s fallen hard in love with books.
It comes down to this: fast forward forty years. H and I are elderly. S1 is 48. In my fantasy he’s a research sociologist and social justice warrior, or an environmental scientist with the EPA, or a organic farmer, or a NASA engineer. But on the other hand he might be in a group home. H and I, after a particularly rough day will look at each other and say, “trust fund,” our two-word answer to the unspoken fear that “this kid isn’t going make it in the world, is he?”
He would be the happiest boy on earth if we ‘just let him read’ all day long. And I agree reading is about as nutritious as it gets. But as a parent, I’m thinking 10, 20, 30, 40 years from now I will want my offspring to thrive without our protective layer. And the best thing I think I can do now is ‘force’ him to be more of a ‘regular kid,’ comply with doing his schoolwork, etc. rather than the in someways fantastic alternative of ‘city as classroom’ and free-range feeding on books till his little heart was content.
For most parents homeschooling just isn’t an option. For us it very much is but I worry that that path would be too self-indulgent and coddling. Put another way, the real world might be too much of a wake-up call from a dreamy childhood of reading books, doing creative projects and roaming the around world class museums that are a dime a dozen in this town with your devoted, Ph.D. educated mother. I think. I think. Then we bump into quirky homeschool kids - happy, mellow kids - and I second-guess myself. Because most of my son’s dysregulation come from not being allowed to just sit and read what he wants, and having to do the whole hurry up and line up and follow directions school thing.
Sorry I totally switcherooed S1 and S2 above!! 
Time is on your side. He is very young yet. I agree to look at the next 5 year picture but I don’t know that anyone can look ahead in decades realistically.
Find some middle of the road. Can you give him do-able “must do’s” that still leave a lot of room for him to be the happiest boy on earth reading? Can you find one outside social activity - a library book club for instance where he can be allowed to sit outside of the circle of kids if that makes him more comfortable?
Many of the homeschooling kids I know indeed had a very social “school” experience with many activities and such outside of the home. An isolated homeschooling experience is another thing. There are quirky kids in every classroom. I just think they stand out more in homeschooling situations because - well, because they aren’t surrounded by 25-30 other “run of the mill” students.
Your S1 - his school year is wrapping up in the next month or so - looking back at the beginning of the year and now - do you see some gains/progress in some areas - or not???
@abasket “Your S1 - his school year is wrapping up in the next month or so - looking back at the beginning of the year and now - do you see some gains/progress in some areas - or not???”
Oh massive. Massive massive massive. Some came from therapy (CBT, ABA - big drops in anxiety, big increase in flexible thinking), some from home (CTYonline was a huge help with math, those damn cartoon alien videos), some from school (educational and I think more importantly independence aka navigating the world without mom or therapist there to hand-hold).
HUGE gains.