Video Game Junkie

Parent Cafe
1

<p>S is a h.s. senior and has recently become a video game junkie. We have always limited the amount of time the kids were allowed to play, but we loosen up on it as they get older so that they can learn to manage their own time. S isn’t learning this lesson.</p>

<p>He is more than a week behind in an online AP Literature course (he is homeschooled and takes his other classes dual-credit at the cc). I am torn about whether to say, “no more video games until you are caught up in literature”. </p>

<p>On the one hand, if we make him quit, he’ll get caught up and won’t screw up his grade. He doesn’t believe that will happen. He operates on the mentality that he’ll “pull it out” at the last minute. He got this from his father (not that that’s either here nor there). :-)</p>

<p>On the other hand, maybe he needs to screw up his grade and learn something about that. Of course, he likely won’t get accepted to the universities to which he is applying. That’s a really big price to pay. Yes, I know we won’t be there next year to stop him from playing. It won’t do any good to get accepted to those universities and then flunk out.</p>

<p>I am torn about how much to parent an 18 yr. old and how much to leave him to sink or swim. <sigh!> This is hard.</sigh!></p>

2

<p>This isn’t a purely parenting issue since you are homeschooling, in my opinion. Normally students need to go to their classes during the day. I see playing video games and falling behind on an online course in the same way I see skipping class–in other words, unacceptable. As a homeschooled student, I think he really needs to stay on top of his courses, and if he isn’t, you need to act as the “school” and enforce some expectation for behavior. </p>

<p>I think that you should limit his video game time and make him catch up with the course.</p>

<p>By the way, many college students play a lot of video games, but few students limit their outside social time with peers for playing games. It’s hopefully something that will balance out once he’s in college with constant work, friends, and clubs to steal his attention.</p>

3

<p>To put it bluntly: Screw sinking, allow him to swim.</p>

<p>If he can’t get it right in college then cross that path when it arrives, but don’t allow him to jeopardize his university applications because you want to teach him a lesson. At least this is how I would have wanted my parents to act with me if I didn’t already have higher standards for achievement than my parents could ever impose on me.</p>

4

<p>As a former video game junkie, here’s what I think.</p>

<p>I don’t know the situation exactly, but online classes are REALLY easy to get distracted from, since playing a video game is only a click away (I know this because I go to Borders/the library to study for this sole reason when I could simply do it at home). I am willing to bet that if he gets into a University, the pressure to do assignments will be much greater and he won’t succumb as easily to video gaming.</p>

<p>This is why everybody always says online classes require much more motivation and commitment, it’s almost like the midpoint between conventional classes and self-studying.</p>

<p>So let him swim :)</p>

5

<p>A friend of mine had her 14-year-old in an online h.s. program last year and it seemed implicit that the school expected parents to monitor and supervise the student’s progress. This kid has returned to public h.s. this year precisely because his mom got tired of the battles over his division of time ---- too much WOW ---- and the tendency to let online assisnments slide until the last minute. In my book, 18 doesn’t mean he’s an “adult” until he’s supporting himself. So step in and lay down the law.</p>

6

<p>Thanks for all your encouragement to step up to the plate Sometimes when you listen to a teenager talking too long (about how they are an adult, etc.), you start to doubt yourself.</p>

<p>Here is the funny thing…today S and I were eating lunch after church and he starts telling me that he’s going to be rearranging his schedule. He says, “I’m going to limit my entertainment strictly to the weekends, and try to get everything caught up so that I don’t have to do schoolwork on weekends.”</p>

<p>I don’t think that last part is realistic, but I was very relieved to hear him saying the right things. If he starts caving, though, I’ll remember what you guys said. Thanks!</p>

7

<p>

</p>

<p>(insert obvious sexual joke here)</p>

<p>But really, video games can sometimes teach you a lot about life. :slight_smile:
NetHack taught me to love computer programming, for instance.</p>

8

<p>If your son was taking AP Lit in a classroom, the teacher would probably have interim deadlines for readings, so that the material can be discussed in class. I don’t think it’s unreasonable if you are homeschooling, to have deadlines- you have to finish reading book #1 and ready to discuss by such and such a date, book #2, by the following week, book #3 two weeks later, and so on.</p>

9

<p>All I know is that on my son’s dorm floor he reports that a couple of kids stopped going to class to play the new Halo game when it came out. They all flunked stuff - one kid flunked everything. (The term just ended.)</p>

10

<p>

</p>

<p>Hahaha, I didn’t even recognize this when I first read it. This is indeed the most tailor-made setup I have ever seen on CC. I am one to appreciate historical events such as this.</p>

11

<p>Such a tough call given his age. Fortunately it sounds as though he’s getting his priorities straight and that’s a good thing.</p>

<p>We had a similar problem with my youngest for a while so I can relate. In our case, dear old dad was playing games too which helped somewhat along with renting games from Gamefly vs. buying them. If things got out of hand we’d simply pack the game up and ship it back to Gamefly (basically the netflix of video games if you haven’t heard of it). There were a few heated discussions but eventually the message sunk in. Since we controlled the account (as in paid for it) there wasn’t too much room for argument.</p>

<p>My eldest (college sophmore) actually splits a Gamefly account with his roommates which, according to him, ends up in no one individual monopolizing the video game console and everyone having to share which kind of speaks to the comment about the kids who flunked their classes because they opted to play Halo instead of study or go to class. I mean, I suppose if a kid is going to obsess they’re going to obsess but the idea that something could be packed up and mailed back seemed to do the trick where my kids are concerned. </p>

<p>So far so good anyway. Grades aren’t suffering.</p>

12

<p>Catch it now. Help him learn while he is under your supervision. S2 managed to balance HS work with the games because he was very smart. We thought he was learning good time management since his grades were good. When got to university he got sucked into the play all night sleep all day cycle. After a couple of years, he is not in school anymore and is figuring out what he will do, while he still plays the games. Schoolwork was not as interesting as the games. He doesn’t live here so we cannot do anything about his game playing. Trying long distance to encourage him to get his act together is harder :(</p>

13

<p>I’ve never bought the line that “next year I’ll be on my own, so it’s ok for me to [fill in blank] now.”</p>

<p>My view as a parent is that I am not now going to permit, and thereby effectively condone, something that I consider to be wrong.</p>

14

<p>I’ve been playing games (quite passionately) for years. It did get in the way of a few things here and there, but I don’t know that I would have been any better of a student had I been “forced” to study. I probably would have just read books instead. </p>

<p>One thing that I recommend, however, is limiting purchases of new software. At 18, it’s harder to control that, but tell him to maybe lay off on buying new games for a while. Old games tend to sit around a bit more, in my experience.</p>

<p>Oh, and on (un)fortunate thing about the next month or so is a torrent of good software coming out. I’m lucky that I can’t afford it, so there’s my limiting factor. Keep an eye open November and December, as it will be a VERY profitable month for the game companies.</p>

15

<p>You know, I’ve always thought maybe the thing to do with kids that get obsessed with games is encourage them on an educational level to get into game development. Graphic design, computer animation, programming, etc… Since the games aren’t going anywhere and the kids aren’t going to stop playing them perhaps stepping up the level of engagment is an interesting angle.</p>

<p>I don’t know. Just something that’s bounced around in my head once or twice.</p>

16

<p>Another gamefly fan, although it hasn’t solved the problem.</p>

<p>singersmom…“When got to university he got sucked into the play all night sleep all day cycle. After a couple of years, he is not in school anymore and is figuring out what he will do, while he still plays the games.”</p>

<p>That’s scary…my worst case scenario.</p>

17

<p>The horror stories always make me wonder though: is it the games, or is it something in the broader personality of the individual? Would the person just have found something else to self-destruct with?</p>

18

<p>Son is a HS Sophomore, he is an avid Video game player. However he balances well, grades and social activities are non issues. We do however, remind him that some of the people who creates these games already have their degrees and didn’t spend as much time playing these games when they were in school. He immediately reminded us of his career path and to a website that he obviously must have had lurking around and was awaiting the opportune time to blow us off with. After all he’s doing what any sophomore should be, going to school, getting good grades, socializing and having fun!</p>

<p><a href=“http://media.www.californiaaggie.com/media/storage/paper981/news/2005/02/02/SciTech/Video.Game.Doctor-1319419.shtml[/url]”>http://media.www.californiaaggie.com/media/storage/paper981/news/2005/02/02/SciTech/Video.Game.Doctor-1319419.shtml&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

19

<p>Yikes, this could have been written by me a year or 2 ago!</p>

<p>My son was also homeschooled, attended community college as a dual-credit student during high school, and also a video game junkie. I rationalized exactly as you did - while people told me to let him take the fall, I just didn’t want him to take such a DRASTIC fall as failing to get into college all because of mismanagement of time.</p>

<p>Yeah, I know, they can always go later, blah blah. But we all know the statistics of kids who ‘take a year off’ - they never go back!</p>

<p>Also, there were potential scholarships at stake, etc.</p>

<p>So, we battled about it…a LOT! And I nagged…a LOT!</p>

<p>We ended up having a LOT of family discord over the issue. He managed to keep his 3.8 college GPA and rack up 38 hours college credit thru it all, and a part-time job as a Geek Squad agent, so again I rationalized that it probably wasn’t hurting him THAT much…right?</p>

<p>Well, he’s now in his 1st semester at UT, and guess what…he is learning to manage his time on his own! Why? Because he HAS to!</p>

<p>That’s the way he’s always been - he absolutely will NOT do something unless HE is motivated to do it! (From the sound of your post, it sounds like your son might be the same way. Could this be why we chose to homeschool?)</p>

<p>Was it harder this way? Yes. Would it have been easier if he had been studying Calculus all summer (like we wanted him to) every spare moment, instead of playing video games? Of course.</p>

<p>But, during the summer, he was stressed out enough about the looming big change in his life, and his job, his girlfriend, etc. He claimed he needed the gaming to unwind. (And, honestly, there ARE worse things he could be doing!) Whatever the reason, it didn’t happen, and yes, he had a rough time the 1st month of college. In fact it got really rough for awhile there.</p>

<p>But, he came thru it, and he’s stronger now for it. Just like he cut back on his own whenever he had girlfriends or when he had to go to work. (Now, if your son has no social life, no friends, no girlfriend, but just games all the time, then that is a different matter entirely!)</p>

<p>Is this the optimal way to do things? Should we have been stricter? Let him take the fall and blow his college chances? Many would say yes, but then, they don’t know my son.</p>

<p>Only YOU know YOUR son. Follow your instincts. Not to sound elitist, but homeschooled kids are accustomed to doing things on their own timetable, so some of the parental techniques that work quite well for conventionally-schooled kids might not work as well for homeschooled kids. At least that was my experience.</p>

<p>Phew, I don’t envy you a bit. It was a difficult period to get thru.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>Edit: I just re-read your post and realized I missed the part about the online classes the 1st time around. My son too took online classes his 1st semester, and ended up switching to regular live classes midway thru the semester. Online classes did not work for him AT ALL! It was just way too easy to get distracted. Once he got into the regular classes, he became much more involved and did much better. The reason I wanted him to take the online classes at first was because, since he was only 16, I had some trepidation about him being with older kids. But that ended up not being an issue at all - in fact he found the in-class discussions invigorating and it ended up being a very positive experience for him to be in college classes at 16. Now that I realize these are online classes, I most definitely would recommend you oversee his time management, to make sure he gets the work done, for this semester. I would also invite you to consider switching him to regular classes next semester, and you may find he does much better on his own. There is just something about another person - the prof - holding the student accountable that is very effective. My son got an awesome prof, one who had taught at Berkeley, his 1st semester, and this prof really inspired him and motivated him. He grew so much from that experience, and that would not have happened had he stayed in the online course.</p>

20

<p>Oh, I should also share that my son’s best friend was not so lucky. He too was homeschooled, had a major video game addiction, but was not introduced to college gradually by going to cc like my son was. He was thrust right into a very rigorous schedule - 18 hours at Rice - and a year early at that!</p>

<p>He didn’t make it. After 2 semesters of failing grades, he’s now attending the local cc part-time.</p>

<p>Last time I spoke with his mom, she still thought video games were to blame. I think starting college a year early without adequate preparation was obviously a major factor. At any rate, based on this tragic story, I wouldn’t expect any kid to instantly ‘get it together’ as soon as he gets to college. I learned from my friends’ experience and tried to help my son prepare a bit more gradually, and not take such a heavy load the 1st semester.</p>