<p>S1 is 23, finishing his degree one agonizing class at a time p/t while holding down a p/t job in his field. DX with ADD last summer, which was the culmination of an academic free-fall and trauma about which I’ve posted elsewhere. Moved out of his apartment (our idea, to avert further free-fall) and back home, where he pays rent and is mostly a pleasure to be around.</p>
<p>I think he spends waaaay too much time on the PS3 and screens in general. He and his father say it’s just an age-appropriate relaxation outlet. I would just throw the whole thing out except that S1 often plays “with” his former roommates, who are now all spread around the country; also, S2 uses it occasionally when his friends are over and S2 has exemplary grades and a social life. And honestly, at 23, I can see the argument that I don’t have the right to complain about this. But it makes me NUTS. I object to the content of the games (war games, First person shooter stuff) too. He was not, as a minor, allowed this kind of access to video games (didn’t own a consol until he was probably 14 or 15)</p>
<p>S1 has not dated in 2 years. He has friends with whom he sees movies, or goes out, and he follows sports (Go Flyers!). BUT he practically twitches when he has to entertain himself without a TV, laptop, or consol. Gets cranky when he is unplugged. I wonder if it makes the ADD worse… DH says I need to pick another battle.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t focus on the content of the games themselves for two reasons. 1.) He IS 23 and has the right to make his own choices about what games he plays. 2.) Most people who play violent games end up leading normal lives life everyone else. If the overblown “studies” about the influence of violent games were true…about 75% of my high school classmates would be serving serious time in the Federal pens. </p>
<p>However, if his playing video games has impacted his academic studies, ability to hold down a job, and/or to excessively isolate himself socially…THAT is the serious issue which must be tackled. </p>
<p>Being cranky and twitching because one is unplugged is definitely not healthy behavior…and I am on computers/internet for most of the day because I work in the IT field. </p>
<p>Despite my tendencies to be on computers/internet for long stretches per day…I’ve had no issues going without computers/internet for a week or more when vacationing with family or friends in remote places or in fun areas like Hawaii. </p>
<p>If this were an issue with the parents I or my HS classmates had…the parents wouldn’t hesitate to dismantle and sell-off the video gaming systems…though you may want to try having a serious conversation and video/computer addiction counseling first.</p>
<p>While I do think there is such a thing as gaming addiction, I also think that people who don’t “understand” the joy in gaming are likely to see it where it isn’t. </p>
<p>My boyfriend is one of those people that plays for hours and hours… he is 27 years old and largely didn’t date until we started seeing each other, even though he is very attractive and personable. He wasn’t ready to give enough of himself to be in a relationship, and everyone he would have socialized with offline were spread across the country going to college or working. So he played a crapload of video games for a few years, which reduced as he matured and found better things to do. </p>
<p>For him, it is very much an age appropriate social and relaxation outlet, and now that he IS ready for a relationship and I am in the picture he is willing to not play. We have an agreement about how many hours of playtime there will be and on which nights, and if more important things come up he doesn’t play. He holds down a job and performs very well (in the IT field.) When he does play, he plays with his coworkers and his boss. He does get cranky when he hasn’t gotten to play in a while… as do most people who are cut off from their hobbies for a period of time. People who don’t “get” video games see an issue in how much he plays, but this is just what he does instead of watching tv, going to the bar, watching sports, etc-- this is just his “thing.” If you add up all the hours most people spend on hobbies, they probably go well over the number of hours he spends gaming. The hours he spends on gaming only seem excessive to people because it’s gaming. </p>
<p>Your S COULD be like my BF, there are a lot of mid-20sish boys who are, but in my opinion it’s the ADD that adds a dimension here. I would approach the issue focusing on that facet of things rather than the gaming itself… I think you’d be fighting a losing battle otherwise at his age. I am not an expert on ADD, though I have it myself, but I don’t think the gaming is “making it worse.” Excessive gaming to the exclusion of holding down a proper job or getting through school could be a symptom of the ADD, but I don’t think the games are the devil there-- the ADD is. And if that’s true, taking away the games won’t solve the problem, there is always another distraction waiting in the wings.</p>
<p>There is a reason they refer to EverQuest as “EverCrack”</p>
<p>S#2 was into video games for a while; particularly the multiplayer internet virtual reality games which I think are dangerously addictive. Fortunately, he quit on his own because I am not sure how we could have persuaded him off if he had been unwilling.</p>
<p>I think gaming can be a pretty harmless outlet. My brother loves to game and spends a lot of his time when he is home doing just that. When he is at school, though, he doesn’t play much because time does not permit. In fact, he doesn’t even bring his own console to campus. </p>
<p>It’s pretty similar with my fiance, though he spends more time gaming than he probably should, and sometimes it can be a little frustrating. Ultimately, he makes time for everything that is important in his life, like working, his friends, and me of course, so I don’t really see what’s to demonize. I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who would complain that their spouses spend entirely too much time watching/talking about sports, but we wouldn’t be having this conversation about how sports are so addicting.</p>
<p>There are people that are addicted, but I would not qualify your son as one of them- at least not by what you’ve written. I would agree that it might make his ADD worse though. </p>
<p>My boyfriend and his brothers are all gamers. My boyfriend didn’t really date much before me. Yes, they all play the super graphic and super addicting games. They’re all extreme pacifists and I’m pretty sure they’ve never even yelled before. The violence is really nothing to be concerned about for the majority of people (note: there are exceptions, but I don’t think a 23 year old is going to snap like a 14 year old would because of his “desensitization” due to video games). </p>
<p>Now, with that said, if he’s choosing games over school/job that could be a problem. However, the problem is not the games themselves- that’s just the vice he uses. There would be the same problem even if video games weren’t in his life, he’d just be putting that energy into something else unproductive.</p>
<p>As a gamer myself, I can easily sit there for hours on end without it bothering me. However, I know how to control it. I played for about an hour last night to test if a game was working (just got it and wanted to make sure i didn’t have to return it). But before that i hadn’t played for about 2 weeks. Everything is fine in moderation.</p>
<p>IF you have never gamed before, you do not understand. The storyline, the fastpaceness, the puzzels, the enviorment… I could go on. It is all very appealing. You can be something that you are not in real life. It is an outlet. Would you like to save a country? Sure you can do that. Would you like to explore? That too.</p>
<p>In fact there are studies out there about the benifits of gaming (quicker responce time I think is one of them).</p>
<p>I guess I feel like that’s a high percentage of someone’s free time to spend alone. If he were sitting in his room reading for 3 hours a night, (and, I suspect, several during the day) I might be equally concerned. I wonder if the emphasis on pretending to have skills is atrophying a whole generation’s ability learn real skills and/or to relate on an interpersonal level to one another; there’s a difference between playing virtual golf for hours and actually spending hours learning to play golf for real. And obviously I prefer the latter, but I think I don’t have a good sense of what is the norm. Really, 3-4 hours is not excessive? Adjusting my mental scales, here :)</p>
<p>I feel like sitting on the couch cruising YouTube and playing Medal of Honor is good within a very small limit, and I am past that. Real life is hard, and full of challenges and not a lot of do-overs. So I worry he’s preferring the gaming to those challenges. That being said, I do get the “he’d just substitute some other non productive activity” comment, which is fair. And certainly he’s too old for me to intervene. But you are never too old for your mom to worry!</p>