Voice of Democracy Scholarship

<p>Here is my rough draft for my Voice of Democracy essay. The prompt is Celebrating our Veterans' Service. Can anyone let me know what they think? Are there any errors and can anything be done better? I appreciate your help.</p>


<pre><code>The young girl cried as she listened to the bugle ring through the hazy air. “Will Grandpa ever come back, Mommy?” she asked weakly.
“No, dear,” her mother replied, “Grandpa is in Heaven now.”
The girl watched as the shots were fired into the sky. She did not understand why so many strange things were going on. When she had asked her mother, she had been told that it was because Grandpa had been a soldier in the army. “What’s so special about that?” she had thought. It would take her several years to fully comprehend just how special it was.
As the girl grew older, she came to learn that those who served in the armed forces were not ordinary people—they were heroes. Each and every one had willingly volunteered his or her time, energy, and effort to ensure the safety of America. She owed them not only her gratitude, but also her respect and admiration.
All Americans must someday learn this same lesson for themselves—that there are heroes among us. All of them deserve our recognition. Every day the number of veterans in American dwindles. These veterans have sacrificed so much to guarantee our safety and freedom. What are we doing for them in return? Are we showing our gratitude, or are we hiding it away deep inside until it is too late to express it to the ones we love?

There are many ways that America celebrates its veterans’ service. One way is through the bestowal of medals and other loans to members of the armed forces. These awards acknowledge individual achievements on the battlefield. Another way is through the celebration of Veterans Day. On this day, all of America comes together to pay homage to freedom’s warriors. A third way is through the creation of numerous war memorials and monuments set up in the memory of the millions of people who have served America. These memorials serve as a constant reminder of the courage and selflessness that has been shown by our veterans.
Medals, Veterans Day, and memorials are all obvious ways America celebrates its veterans. The most important ways, however, are far more subtle. A child asking her grandfather to tell her stories about the army can bring a light into the grandfather’s eyes. A thank you note written to a veteran can brighten his or her day. Simply giving a veteran a hug and telling him how much you appreciate his service can bring a change for the better in his mindset and mood. All of these simple acts add up and can make a huge difference.
America must unite to pay tribute to our heroes. Without their sacrifices, this country would not be the land of liberty that it is today. We must honor our veterans with traditional awards and honors, but we must also keep in mind that the little things are what matter the most. Now is the time we must do these things. If we wait, we will end up missing our opportunity to show our gratitude. Today I challenge America to not let Taps be the first time a veteran is honored. Let’s show our thankfulness. Let’s show our veterans that we care. Let’s celebrate those who made America the “land of the free and the home of the brave.”

<p>Anybody have any suggestions?</p>

<p>Isn't there anyone who can help me? I'm sorry for being so impatient.</p>

<p>It's so cliched, but I'm not too sure if that is what they're looking for. For a moment there I though you were going to say that you were that little girl. Did you say that? I don't remember. Nonethless, you won't believe how many times I've seen these types of essay start out that way. Overall, it was well written. Well, good luck!</p>

<p>I agree. This reads more like a "how-to" guide than a tribute to out veterans. As with all speeched, simplicity is key. I would suggest you do a search for past winners. They all have a few things in common:</p>

<li>They're simple, but their point manages to be profound.</li>
<li>They're subtle. Think "show don't tell," like a college essay.</li>