<p>I am certainly not saying- that I think that could never happen to me.
I went for years getting less than three hours of sleep at a time and being sleep deprived I behaved about as rationally as you might expect, which is to say I didn’t.</p>
<p>But if I had caused the preventable death of anyone, especially my own child, I would expect to be punished- and that would be beyond the surface loss.</p>
<p>I don’t believe that good intentions, or ignorance, or feeling sorry after, should eliminate the state saying- this is wrong, we are going to examine the incident.</p>
<p>The facts have to be examined, not emotions.</p>
<p>Or we could all live in highrise apartment buildings. There would certainly be more eyes around to watch them. We might be running out of land soon anyways. At some point, you have to stop building out and build up.</p>
<p>Everyone agrees this is a tragedy beyond words. These stories come up often enough that there really should be a massive educational campaign, without judgement about how to prevent them.</p>
<p>It is a given fact that the human brain, can act on “auto pilot”. If you drive the same way to work for YEARS, it is often easy to get there without being conscious of all the decisions you made to reach the destination. A new parent, or one acting out of their normal routine is at risk of making a fatal error. The suggestion of the diaper on the front seat is a GOOD one, and should be part of discharge teaching for EVERY baby discharged, along with some statistics. Another young mother at my job, when I was expecting my first, gave me advice to put my purse on the back seat next to the baby. Another GOOD idea, and shouldn’t be sneered upon just because a “good” mother would never forget. That can be extrapolated to putting a briefcase, cell phone, tool box etc in the back seat to enable your brain (sometimes sleep-adled and overwhelmed) to learn new motor patterns.</p>
<p>While it may be hard not pass judgement, lets instead share suggestions to prevent -without assuming “it would never happen” to me, to my family , to “good” parents. Share them with friends, family, co workers, day care providers, baby sitters, neighbors. Someone, someday may be thankful when they arrive at work and have to look around for their purse…</p>
<p>Lost my S in the mall once; walked out of a convenient store and went half a block down the street before I realized he wasn’t beside me another time. Maybe there are a few absolutely vigilant folks out there–I’m being sincere when I say I salute you.</p>
<p>I have nothing but compassion for this man. To say he will forget because he forgot his son that day is nonsense; he may have thought of his son many times that day, and pictured him in daycare as he did so–you can’t possibly compare a lapse like that to a pain I pray none of us ever has to feel.</p>
<p>No, he shouldn’t go to jail. What a waste of a life and of our resources. Perhaps, though, he’d be willing to make some PSAs as reminders to all of us to be vigilant in the face of our fallibility.</p>
<p>I think this is qualitatively different from cases where some reckless action made by the person in question caused the tragedy–like drinking or reckless driving. But I don’t see that here.</p>
<p>Well, I do think that INTENT needs to be examined here…not just emotions. These poor souls had absolutely no intent to harm. And if fact are living in purgatory as a result of their actions. Leave them alone. Have sympathy. Serving a jail sentence does no good.</p>
<p>Honestly, do we think a parent is LESS likely to do this because they read that a father was put in jail for leaving their child in a car. I agree that better education through public service announcements makes sense. Maybe nurses could include tips in their baby care education at the hospital. Or perhaps parents should watch a video before their child is released. </p>
<p>My god, I don’t think I could ever do this…but who knows? We all have really stressful days. Think of this. Your mom is taking care of your child. She’s usually vigilant but makes this mistake. Would you want her to go to jail?</p>
<p>“Why “shake your baby to death” when you can just leave them in a hot car and say oops.”</p>
<p>When we say that the parents shouldn’t go to jail for an accident, that doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t be an investigation. There is ALWAYS an investigation following an untimely death. A parent telling a story that doesn’t hang together (like Susan Smith), or a parent with an abnormal emotional reaction to the death, is going to raise suspicion among the police. Those parents are going to end up charged with murder. With the parents described in the article, though, it’s undisputed that there was no intent to harm the child – prosecutors and police agree on that.</p>
<p>Think of this. Your mom is taking care of your child. She’s usually vigilant but makes this mistake. Would you want her to go to jail?</p>
<p>Your child is being harrassed at school and in the neighborhood, he is afraid, he buys a gun, oops it goes off- he is a good kid, he was just trying to protect himself, should he go to jail?</p>
<p>^^^
Not a good analogy. Buying a gun showed intent to harm…even it was used for self defense.
I finally read the full article linked here. Absolutely heartbreaking.
I do agree that each situation needs to be investigated. But some of these folks who were brought up on charges…what a waste of time and money.
We need to dedicate our time and money to prevention. So, some of us think we’re above that…that’s just fine. You won’t need to listen to the alarm in the back seat…or the commercial on tv. Putting parents on trial does NOT help. Education and technology may actually work here.</p>
<p>One time - and one time only - my husband dropped me with the four year old and the two year old at a restaurant entrance as the parking lot was crowded. When he joined us about five minutes later, I asked about the baby. He looked at me and turned and walked out of the restaurant and back to the car. Whenever I think of this moment I thank God that he was meeting us immediately rather than running into the nearby store where he needed to go.</p>
<p>Great husband and now three grown kids. That moment in time could have been tragic - and I truly don’t know if my husband could have lived with himself. Jail would have only been incidental.</p>
<p>What a tragedy. I never left any of my children in a car or unattended, but I will raise my hand and say I can understand how it can happen and how under the right circumstances I could have done the same thing. </p>
<p>We were lucky enough to have one of us stay home with our kids til they were almost a year old, then lucky enough to be able to afford a nanny so I never had to drop or pick up kids from day care. But, I know how hectic it can get with both spouses working. My kids are now 9 and 15 and I am always forgetting “stuff” that needs to be done, some important, some not.</p>
<p>I consider myself lucky that when my kids were infants, it was still considered OK to put the baby seat in the front. My kids didn’t ride in the back until they were about 3, at which point they were buckling themselves into and out of their own carseats.</p>
<p>In my opinion, this is a hazard that needs a technological fix. I don’t think you can overcome the weaknesses of human nature (in this instance, susceptibility to distraction) simply by telling people to try harder or by making the consequences a crime.</p>
<p>I, too, can see it happening and the punishment has already been dealt. I know that we have left two of our kids places and driven away,(two separate occasions) and not noticing their absence until later. Nothing bad happened to them. </p>
<p>There is a movie (I think “Raising Arizona”) where someone keeps putting the baby in a seat on the top of the car, and drives off forgetting he was there. That was a nightmare that my H would have, as he has a habit of putting things up there and once left his briefcase in that position. My brother left a basket of clothes he intended to put in the back of a car and strewed them all over San Francisco as he drove around. My H could too easily see himself doing that and always took special care when we had a little one in those removable car seats.</p>
<p>I know someone who left a kid in the car after car pooling one morning. Kid fell asleep and he thought every left the van and headed on to work. As part of the procedure, bus drivers are required to check their buses at the end of the day at the motor pool. Many a time, a kid has been left on a bus who fell asleep and missed his stop. It is something that can happen to easily.</p>
<p>I am not sure I could say it could never happen to me. I read this article with Sunday’s paper. The part that haunted me the most was where the father heard his car motion alarm going off but did not see anyone near his car, so he ignored it. If I remember correctly it happened 3 times. For me personally that would have been a clue to retrace my steps before arriving at the office. It is still a tragic situation for every one of those families.</p>
<p>One holiday season my husband and I took our then (only 2 at that point) children to Toys R Us. I told my husband to watch both kids while I went two aisles away to pick up something special for our daughter. I told him 3 times what I was planning, how long I’d be gone (two minutes) and who he was watching and where. (The kids were trying out the battery operated cars). You got it, husband showed up with son sans daughter. I screamed and ran back to where my husband (yes, we are still married…but at that moment…) left our daughter. She was on a rockinghorse, not moving. (She was about 2). I, who am very circumspect in public, turned as I picked up our daughter and screamed…I think that I gave quite a verbal education to those around us. She was fine, I wasn’t…(Oh, and the store manager heard my first scream and sealed the exits.)</p>
<p>Actually, co-sleeping is very natural. Mammals that nurse don’t keep their nurslings off at a distance where they have to go find them to feed them. </p>
<p>However, modern beds and bedding, among other things, can make it dangerous. Of course, there is the theory that co-sleeping prevents SIDS as mother/child “buddy breathe.”</p>
<p>I slept with both my kids as they night nursed for years and I am lazy.
I started sleeping with the oldest when she came home from the hospital and I kept myself awake all night checking on her breathing. ( she weighed less than 4 lbs @ discharge and had been ten weeks early)
I believe in the buddy sleeping theory- unless you are drunk or drugged- we aren’t in a coma, we are just asleep.</p>
<p>I find it interesting how a busy exec can forget his child in a car and get sympathy, but a young mom, who may not have had child care for her baby is arrested for manslaughter</p>