Wa. Post: "Fatal Distraction": parents whose kids died after being left in car

Parent Cafe
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<p>A pretty horrifying article. I have compassion for these parents. I can’t imagine that putting them in jail could possibly be a greater punishment than the suffering they’ll go through every minute for the rest of their lives. But I’m just not sure I buy the thesis that it “could happen to anyone.” I remember how I paid attention to my son every single minute he was ever in the car seat in the back of the car. No matter what else I was thinking of. So, although I don’t want to sound smug, it’s very difficult for me to believe it could have happened to me.</p>

<p>The comments are quite interesting, as well.</p>

<p>[url=<a href=“http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html?hpid%3Dtopnews⊂=AR]washingtonpost.com[/url”>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html?hpid%3Dtopnews&#8834;=AR]washingtonpost.com[/url</a>]</p>

<p>Fatal Distraction</p>

<p>Forgetting a child in the back seat of a hot, parked car is a horrifying, inexcusable mistake. But is it a crime?</p>

<p>By Gene Weingarten
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, March 8, 2009; Page W08 </p>

<p>The defendant was an immense man, well over 300 pounds, but in the gravity of his sorrow and shame he seemed larger still. He hunched forward in the sturdy wooden armchair that barely contained him, sobbing softly into tissue after tissue, a leg bouncing nervously under the table. In the first pew of spectators sat his wife, looking stricken, absently twisting her wedding band. The room was a sepulcher. Witnesses spoke softly of events so painful that many lost their composure. When a hospital emergency room nurse described how the defendant had behaved after the police first brought him in, she wept. He was virtually catatonic, she remembered, his eyes shut tight, rocking back and forth, locked away in some unfathomable private torment. He would not speak at all for the longest time, not until the nurse sank down beside him and held his hand. It was only then that the patient began to open up, and what he said was that he didn’t want any sedation, that he didn’t deserve a respite from pain, that he wanted to feel it all, and then to die. </p>

<p>The charge in the courtroom was manslaughter, brought by the Commonwealth of Virginia. No significant facts were in dispute. Miles Harrison, 49, was an amiable person, a diligent businessman and a doting, conscientious father until the day last summer – beset by problems at work, making call after call on his cellphone – he forgot to drop his son, Chase, at day care. The toddler slowly sweltered to death, strapped into a car seat for nearly nine hours in an office parking lot in Herndon in the blistering heat of July. </p>

<p>It was an inexplicable, inexcusable mistake, but was it a crime? That was the question for a judge to decide. </p>

<p>[much more at link]</p>

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<p>unless you are on some sort of substances- in which case you shouldn’t be supervising children ( or driving), I think that negligence to that degree should be a crime.</p>

<p>Certainly young women, have been charged for just leaving their kids in their car when they are at work and can’t afford child care- not that I would excuse that either.</p>

<p>I have not ever mentioned this on CC though- and I won’t again. But having observed many parents over the years, I do admit that men seem much less aware of reasonable precautions. They are less likely to be prepared with a diaper bag, more likely to allow preschoolers to follow them from behind when walking down the road rather than holding their hand, and they seem to compartmentalize their thoughts more than women do.
( I know I am making a generalization that isn’t accurate 100%- but still)</p>

<p>For example, I am probably an extreme, and it doesn’t help me accomplish anything, but I have 30 projects in my mind at once and I could no sooner forget my child was in the car, than forget to turn the car off.
Blame it on the interconnections between brain hemispheres that seems to be tied to sexual differentaion some how.</p>

<p>( ogod, I just realized that this could then be used as an excuse to not do their share of the parenting- sorry honey I am just not capable!)</p>

3

<p>It happens all over the country, and it could happen to anyone. One very basic strategy is to ALWAYS put the baby diaper bag in the front seat as a visual reminder. My heart goes out to all parents suffering through this tragic loss.</p>

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<p>Heartbreaking stories. I do not think the stories in the newspaper article were criminal acts. There was absolutely no intent to do harm. Perhaps civil negligence, but this is not criminal. However, I think that if a person is drunk or under the influence, then it would be perhaps negligent homicide or similar. I can understand how you can drive on autopilot so to speak. I do not talk on the cellphone while driving for just that reason - even less attention paid to driving. I can understand that you could be upset, driving, distracted by troubles, that the baby fell asleep, and one omission becomes a tragedy. How will sending someone like that to jail help the person or society. Making him or her an example probably will not prevent another similar death. </p>

<p>Some kind of car device to prevent this would be helpful. Any ideas out there engineers?</p>

5

<p>I know of a 16 yr old, driving to school, probably in a hurry, who killed a bicylist in an accident. We don’t really have bike lanes, I dont’ know if the bicyclist had lights or was following traffic laws, or how much attention a 16 year old was paying.
No matter how attentive the teen was- they jsut don’t have much experience driving.
( she was charged with vehicular homicide- I don’t remember what the sentence was)</p>

<p>*I have compassion for these parents. I can’t imagine that putting them in jail could possibly be a greater punishment than the suffering they’ll go through every minute for the rest of their lives. *</p>

<p>The father in the article forgot about his son for nine hours- you now think he is going to think about him every minute? </p>

<p>An adult, I presume, has experience at life, and should be able to manage more than one thing at a time. Forgetting a diaper bag or going home first and not picking up your child at day care, has happened to many people. But not forgetting about your kid for 9 hours.
I think we need to charge them- but it is up to a judge/jury to administer what sentence is appropriate.</p>

6

<p>Wow - what an article.</p>

<p>Well, it couldn’t have happened to us because our kid was so hyper, vocal, etc. and almost never slept in the car. But some other sort of accident could easily have happened. I had to watch that kid like a hawk.</p>

<p>Do you ever wonder how many horror stories there are from the pioneer days, like kids falling into the fire, farming accidents, etc., that no one ever heard about because of the great distances between homesteads?</p>

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<p>Well what good would jail do to a parent who obviously has remorse for what he had done? It would probably just be more tax money wasted on a man who has already had enough punishment, essentially.</p>

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<p>I think these are horrible accidents. I don’t see what possible good it does to charge the parents. Yes, it was the father’s fault. But do we really think society is going to be protected by punishing him. Usually when these accidents occur, it is when someone’s routine is changed. That is why the diaper bag on the seat is a great sight clue. Not everyone, unfortunately, thinks the same way. I, too, can have many minor details balanced in my mind; but my husband is much tighter focused. I am sure that is why he is so good at what he does and I am so good at what I do. </p>

<p>I always wonder, why don’t the day care centers ever call to see where the child is? At school, we have to call and check on every absence. I always think it is a great way to know where all the little ones are. Sometimes, we find one that missed the bus and the parents (who are already at work) are unaware of it.</p>

<p>Anyhow, I guess I just feel so bad for these families that there is no way I could ever condemn them.</p>

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<p>Well we still have lots of hunting accidents.</p>

<p>Now these parents I don’t know about.
Two kids died when they slept with their parents?</p>

<p>We slept with both our kids- even when our first was a premie and she weighed less than 4 lbs when she came home from the hospital.</p>

<p>( I didn’t start out sleeping with her- but when she came home, I slept in a twin bed that was in her room, she slept in a cradle next to it. However I did not get any sleep at all, because I kept having to check to see if she was still breathing. I finally decided after a week or so, that if she laid on my chest, it would be easier to check her. However- because the night shift at the hospital played with the babies- it took a while before I convinced her that night time was for sleeping)</p>

<p>This article says babies are supposed to be on their backs, but didn’t they used to say they should be on their stomachs?
[Utah</a> Parents Charged with Murder for Co-Sleeping with their Infant](<a href=“http://www.parentsbehavingbadly.com/2008/02/17/utah-parents-charged-with-murder-for-co-sleeping-with-their-infant/]Utah”>http://www.parentsbehavingbadly.com/2008/02/17/utah-parents-charged-with-murder-for-co-sleeping-with-their-infant/)</p>

<p>I agree that it takes a village to watch some kids- it is a miracle that most of them reach puberty.</p>

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<p>ek, yes, they used to tell us our kids would die if we let them sleep on their backs. It was torture to get my son to sleep face-down… he hated it and had to be fully comatose asleep before I could quit rocking and lay him down…
Now they say kids will die if they don’t sleep face up… those who exhibit a prefered head angle when face up get a skull molding that requires a special helmet to correct.
I’m pretty glad I don’t have to worry about what’s going to be bad for babies this week…</p>

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<p>I agree that what he has to live with is horrible, and we don’t seem to have standards of how we apply the laws.
If parents don’t secure a weapon so a child can’t access it, and a child accidentally kills someone , then those parents as possibly the child as well are usually charged.</p>

<p>That is sloppy parenting, but still not completely predictable.</p>

<p>I just cannot see how a parent can forget all day that they originally placed their child in their vehicle and didn’t take them out.</p>

<p>If something isn’t premeditated, a death results and they are sorry, then we should just let them walk?
That doesn’t seem to be applied too often elsewhere.</p>

12

<p>Didn’t mean to hijack the thread, with another different and important message.</p>

<p>There are many instances where being distracted means your baby or young child dies - around water, around cars, around fire. Yes, it is something many people can identify with but it’s still a crime. Worth taxpayers paying for them being in jail - no. I guess I favor some massive community service instead.</p>

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<p>The author has talked several times about this story before it appeared, without revealing what it was about until it was published, about how hard it was for him to write, that it was the hardest story he’s written.</p>

<p>Those who think it couldn’t happen to you… need to think differently. I’m sorry, but I think this really could happen to anyone. The story makes that point pretty well, actually. </p>

<p>This story left me shaky for hours after I’d read it. I also read the chat transcript; some people posted that they hadn’t made it through the whole article – it was too upsetting.</p>

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<p>This story in 2004 got a lot of publicity in New Jersey. Also a father…</p>

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<p>I know this is an unpopular position but, no, I do not believe that I would ever forget a child in the car. I’ve been a nanny and a mom. When I’m “on duty”, I am tuned into those kids. I just cannot imagine the disconnect between parent and child. It’s completely foreign to me.</p>

<p>As for those accidents that can happen in a split second, of course, everyone is at risk of those. I have a friend who co-slept with her two older children for years but smothered her infant accidently while co-sleeping. That was an accident. But forgetting that you are responsible for the life of another human being during the course of driving from Point A to Point B? </p>

<p>I really don’t know what the punishment should be but I’m not completely swayed by the “they’ve suffered enough” line of thought. A child died because an adult was careless with their most important responsibility. I just don’t know.</p>

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<p>How the hell do you miss A CHILD when exiting a car?</p>

<p>I’ll first put the CHILD in the passenger seat than a diaper bag. I think there was that woman that locked herself out of her car with her kids in it, and then borrowed a club from someone to break into her car to rescue the kids. I think these accidents are pretty common, and we need to be thinking about ways to prevent these types of tragedies rather than locking up the father.</p>

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<p>H once helped a panicking neighbor to unlock his car. The neighbor managed to lock his keys and his toddler in the car, and realized that the kid was missing only when he could not find the keys. Luckily, the windows were lowered just a bit (which made the unlocking much easier), the temperature outside was 65 degrees, and the child was peacefully asleep in the back seat through the entire ordeal. This neighbor was a very devoted father; it just happened that his wife was out of town, and he was overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities that he usually shared with his wife.</p>

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<p>I agree that prison is not the answer. But I don’t think that embracing the idea that this could happen to any parent so all cars should have alarms installed in the backseat is the answer either. </p>

<p>Why not a public health campaign that focuses on things like putting the diaper bag upfront but also on the behaviors that have lead to this? Not all of these stories but a disturbingly high percentage of them involve distractions with the person’s work. People are so stressed out that they apparently need to be reminded that it’s okay to not focus on work and/or accept calls from work during the morning drive. Or at least not until your child is safely dropped off.</p>

<p>I’m just not as interested in convincing the public that this could happen to anyone (which, as I’ve said, I don’t believe) as I am in preventing it. Frankly, I think the parents who this has happened to are not good canidates to do that work. They have an emotional investment in the idea that nothing could have been done differently. Okay, they need to believe that to get through the day and I do not want to take that from them. But comforting these parents is not the same as taking constructive steps to stop it from happening again.</p>

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<p>Society has to say this is wrong, and the law has to punish those who do something like this. If not, would Susan Smith just have “accidentally” left her two boys in the sweltering South Carolina heat rather than push them into strapped car seats into a lake? Oops, my bad. Yes it is tragic for those who unintenionally do it (although I cannot fathom how that would happen), but to not charge them criminally would open up a whole can of worms for child killers. Why “shake your baby to death” when you can just leave them in a hot car and say oops. Why drown your kids, put them in the car to bake! NO, there has to be consequences for these actions, even “if” it was a mistake.</p>

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<p>When I think of all the “almosts” in my life as a parent, I am quite willing to forgive those hapless parents whose mistake cost them the life of their child. I remember the time that my h started to close the garage door on the baby’s bassinet… the time that he forgot to drop her off at camp and didn’t remember that she was in the car until they were almost across the GG Bridge and she spoke up… the several times that my son started to dart across the street and I just barely caught him… the time that I lost my d at the mall… Any of those times could have resulted in the child’s death if they had played out just a little differently. I like to believe that it I would never forget and leave my kid in the car, but in my heart I know that I am quite capable of doing something like that. Luckily I never did.</p>

<p>I read once that being a parent is the most stressful job we can do. The risk of making a mistake is high, and the consequences can be catastrophic. Maybe it was easier when we lived communally in caves and there were more eyes (and less driving around)?</p>