<p>Daughter, waitlisted at first-choice college, has decided to attend second-choice college. She is ready to remove name from #1’s waitlist. However, mom wants D to stay on list in case she changes her mind.</p>
<p>Complicating factors: (1) Mom knows #1’s president. President asked mom re D’s status; mom said waitlist; president e-mailed that he’d “flagged” D’s waitlisted application. (2) Not sure we can really afford #1. We are ineligible for need-based aid, but still can’t afford #1 without incurring substantial debt. #2 offered a generous scholarship.</p>
<p>Ethics: Is there an argument to be made that lingering on a waitlist for purposes of procrastination deprives another waitlisted applicant of a meaningful opportunity? Or that an uncertain applicant should yield her spot to others more certain? Or that the college itself should be given the chance to offer its last few spots to those most likely to accept, if only to ease the college’s administrative burden?</p>
<p>Practicalities: (1) Shouldn’t we let #1’s president know ASAP that D no longer seeks admission? If he has somehow weighed in on her behalf, won’t it be more embarrassing to him to have her reject in the end (should a spot be offered) then to hear it now? (I should add that mom has already let prez know that finances are a consideration.) (2) Given my goal of continuing to live with D’s mom (my wife) well beyond the day she learns of any interventions I make in D’s stead, what is my prudent course of action?</p>
<p>1) What does D want to do? Somehow you neglected to mention that…</p>
<p>2)OMG! Your wife knows the President of her #1 school personally and she was waitlisted??? interesting…</p>
<p>3) IMO if your daughter is accepted off the wl of school #1, the President is undoubtedly expecting her to attend if he “flagged” her app…difficult and awkward position for your wife to be in; gets back to my 1st Q</p>
<p>Ann Arbor dad - I am with Rodney here - where is your daughter in all of this.
this is her responsibility. If you can’t afford to send her to #1 then you need to level with your daughter.</p>
<p>This is your daughter’s situation and you can and should do nothing.</p>
<p>If your daughter is certain she will not attend S#1 then she should remove herself from the waitlist.
If she wants to see if money will be forthcoming and wait - she may. If she refuses her spot then the college will make an offer to another student.</p>
<p>Dad - are you wanting to intervene to alleviate a financial situation? Are you concerned that your wife and daughter will talk you into sending her to a school that you can’t (or aren’t willing) to afford?</p>
<p>One more practicality - if your d is happy with School #2, extending the college admissions season can be psychically painful for her. If she likes #2, forget #1 and let her get excited about where she’s going to go.</p>
<p>Your prudent course of action is to let your daughter do what your daughter wants to do. That’s the same prudent course of action for d’s mom. I suggest that you both keep hands off, mouths firmly duct-taped, and tell d whether to stay on the waitlist is her sole decision.</p>
<p>I didn’t think I’d neglected to mention my daughter’s wishes. She told me she’s made up her mind to attend college #2 and sees no reason to keep her name on #1’s waitlist. That’s why I wrote that she’s ready to remove her name.</p>
<p>That said, I don’t think she’ll take affirmative steps to notify the college unless I suggest it, thereby violating Chedva’s sensible advice and angering my wife.</p>
<p>Rodney, we didn’t ask the president to intervene in the admissions decision and I have to assume he didn’t–as I indicated, he learned of the waitlist decision from my wife. He’s never met our daughter. I don’t view the waitlist decision as anything other than his admissions office’s honest, uninfluenced assessment of my D’s application.</p>
<p>That being the case, AAD, I’d suggest you simply do nothing. If she gets off the waitlist and says no, it’s your wife’s relationship with the president that may suffer, and so it’s your wife’s problem. Since it’s her impetus that d stay on the waitlist, she’s obviously willing to deal with any repercussions.</p>
<p>However, I have the feeling that if d does get off the waitlist to School #1, your wife will not be happy if d says no (or if you decide you can’t afford it). Right now, you don’t have to do anything; status quo is just fine. I’d be more concerned about your wife deciding where d will go to college.</p>
<p>(Posting on my S’s account)</p>
<p>I don’t think there’s anything unethical about remaining on a waitlist as a way to keep your options open. Unlike regular admission, students don’t have a month to sit on acceptances … if admitted off students will probably have ~24 hours to make a decision (one might even be required on the spot). So if #1 calls to accept, your D can simply say no and they will move on to the next on the list. </p>
<p>Remaining on #1’s waitlist has its dangers though. You might want to consider the consequences of an acceptance from #1. Your D might be suppressing her interest in #1 to protect herself from eventual disappointment … a sudden, unexpected acceptance from #1 might hurt her resolve to attend #2.</p>
<p>Thanks for the good advice, everyone.</p>