<p>We are at the tail end of our first Christmas break with a college student in the house, and I’d like to hear from all of you how you handle your nocturnal college kid.</p>
<p>I had decided before break that I’d just let him be. If he wanted to sleep til one and eat breakfast at three in the afternoon, then so be it. He’s is naturally a night owl–and I relate to that because I’m one too. It’s not like he’s usually out socializing. Most nights he’s had friends over and they’re in the basement watching movies. He’s not out–he’s just up! His friends aren’t loud and I think make an effort not to disturb us when coming and going. That said, we live in a 3 bedroom ranch on a basement, so it isn’t like my bedroom is tucked away upstairs somewhere. I still hear movement and I’m not used to noise at night anymore so it does wake me sometimes. </p>
<p>So, here’s my real thing. I think it’s made for a fairly unsatisfying visit on my end. He’s rarely ready to be doing anything before 2 in the afternoon, by which point his little brothers’ day is half over. He gets really fun and interesting about the time the rest of us head off to bed. I think it’s probably working fine for him, but I’m on week three of it and it’s driving me nuts.</p>
<p>I have a friend who tells her college boys they can stay up as late as they like, but she’ll be waking them at noon every day. She says the older ones have actually thanked her for it because it keeps them from getting too far off the regular routine. </p>
<p>So let’s hear your philosophy! To wake, or not to wake? That is the question. My other question is if my son can spend spring break at your house.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>I think they need to catch up from being away at school.</p></li>
<li><p>It’s the natural way a teen’s body is.</p></li>
<li><p>They’re adults for goodness sake. Nobody better be telling me when to sleep and when not to sleep.</p></li>
<li><p>It’s just not worth arguing about.</p></li>
<li><p>They need to learn to set their own limits.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I agree with letting them sleep. They’re adults.
I don’t want people to wake me up when I decide to sleep late. I give my son the same courtesy.
What’s funny is that once he got up at noon and then I heard him telling a friend who’d called that he would have gotten up earlier if I had awoken him.
After that, however, he relied on an alarm clock to get up earlier – just as he does when he’s in school.</p>
<p>D was pretty good about keeping her bedtime around midnight. Waking up was a different issue, since she seemed to be able to sleep past noon. My solution was to open her door room and throw the cat onto her bed. It was up to her to wake up or not. :)</p>
<p>I let him sleep the whole time he was home, with the exception of Christmas Eve (we needed to leave at 3 for mass and I wanted him to appear to be awake) and Christmas Day (family came over and I wanted him showered before they arrived at 3).
He did tell me that anytime after 10 am to wake him if needed was acceptable. Other than those 2 times, I did not have a need to do it.</p>
<p>I let my S sleep has long as he wanted on most days but there were times we made plans to do things all together and so on those days he was expected to be up and participating. It is important for them to relax and feel at home but it is also important that they keep their bond with the rest of the family…in your case especially with your 2 younger boys. It is very easy at college age to be somewhat self-involved but there is nothing wrong in being reminded that they also have a responsibility towards others.</p>
<p>I have let mine sleep. He has kept late hours with friends the whole break( thankfully not at our house) but is great about slipping in quietly without waking us. It’s not unusual for him to roll in anytime between midnight and 2 a.m. He generally wakes up between twelve and one. The house is empty. DH and I are at work. He might as well sleep while he can.</p>
<p>My D is a night owl. I also thought of this question before she arrived home for the Christmas break, so H and I decided to let her sleep. But I can totally relate to feeling that when they finally get up its late in the day and we are winding down while she is winding up. Husband and I work so we are out anyway. The only part that I do feel uncomfortable is that she is not engaged in the dynamics of the house. She eats, watches tv,sleeps and goes out with her friends. She hasn’t done any of her laundry that she schlepped home. I am trying to keep my feelings to myself and realize that she is 18 and has to reconcile her life for herself. Not easy.</p>
<p>I let my college kids sleep in. They never really get a good night’s sleep at school, with roomies, neighbors, and general lifestyle. Time soon enough to wake up to an alarm, shower, dress & get to a job.</p>
<p>If we have family plans, I let them know the night before, and its up to them to get to bed earlier so that they can wake up with a smile.</p>
<p>Mine sleep, but if they want to make plans with me I make them early. I can not start my day at 2:00 in the afternoon, so if my daughter wants a shopping trip, she has to be ready to leave by 10AM. My son isn’t a big sleeper, but my daughter could sleep until 1:00 if no one wakes her.</p>
<p>I (the emphasis on I/me) also let mine sleep in. However, since there are 5 of them and they each had friends here for the holidays (7+ additional at any time) it was pretty much them waking each other up. In particular oldest son who is at a service academy where he is now very used to little to no sleep with any early get-up and a daily heavy exercise routine. So if he is up early inevitably others were also wakened, not deliberately but he doesn’t have the lightest footfall.</p>
<p>They went to bed at all hours, anywhere from midnight to 5 am. But again, if oldest was up at 6am-7am others also ended up awake. By the end of their visits (only 2 now remaining-1 leaves in the morning) they all started heading to bed earlier. Past 2 nights they stayed up later…older bro’s leave expired, he had to report back at the academy.</p>
<p>He did call and told them all to go to bed!!!</p>
<p>My house is a disaster area, I went through tons of food, linens, towels and laundry detergent! But it was fantastic having them all home. We all know son’s military commitments will keep him far from home very shortly so all his siblings and friends from the other coast made a huge effort to be here for the holidays.</p>
<p>Seems like each year there are more and more here (that’s because there is!) and it is even more enjoyable then I hope for!</p>
<p>Son says they can all sleep when they are dead! (such a nice guy!!) They did all go to the gym everyday, and then for their daily run…some slower than others…but it just made them all hungrier later! And lots of stinky laundry.</p>
<p>I already miss all of them. Summer can’t get here soon enough.</p>
<p>Okay! I’d say that’s a 100 percent response for letting them sleep. </p>
<p>I did say to him tonight at dinner,
“You know, this is an unsatisfying way to visit. We’re all ready to wind down just when you’re starting to be awake.” </p>
<p>He said with a smile,
“Well, you all just need to get on my schedule.”</p>
<p>The terrible thing is that I WAS on that schedule for years and years, so I know he comes by it honestly. :)</p>
<p>I believe Natmicstef got to the heart of what the problem is by mentioning that at this age, kids can be very self-involved. I find it hard to know when it’s appropriate to say,“Hey! Pay attention to us!” and when he should be left alone. My aunt’s philosophy is that we’re done–we’ve taught him all of it before–and now we let him be. </p>
<p>I believe someone else mentioned keeping connected to the family and not being really involved in any of the family routines. That’s why I think this is getting on my nerves at this point. I’m sure trying not to say it, but sometimes I hear a faint echo in my head of,“This isn’t a hotel!” I’m glad he’s home and having a good break, but it gets a little tiresome facilitating somebody else’s lifestyle. </p>
<p>I generally agree with letting them sleep, but it makes for cranky kids on those days when they really do have to get up in the morning – which usually happens several times during Winter Break at my house. </p>
<p>My daughter had several medical and dental appointments during this break, some of which were in the morning, and tomorrow she’s leaving the house early in the morning to go to a job fair to apply for summer internships. To do these things, she has to get up several hours earlier than usual, which is difficult and puts her in a bad mood by the end of the day.</p>
<p>I usually suggest to my kids that they try to transition to a somewhat earlier schedule a few days before an appointment, but they don’t really want to do that. I think that one of the reasons is that their friends are online late at night, so they want to be awake then.</p>
<p>Katwikittens–I’m glad to hear your story, because I’ve been feeling a little put-upon today because I’ve had a house full of his friends all through break, and tomorrow he’s bringing a girl here to stay for three days. A girl!!! A girl requires a whole other level of cleaning up. Call me sexist, but those boys in my basement would happily sleep on a bed of crushed doritos and empty pop cans. A girl?! Yikes!</p>
<p>So, since my younger ones headed back to school today this would normally be a time of winding down and relaxing for me and I was a little peeved about the house guest–though also pleased he invited someone and trusts us not to embarass him. </p>
<p>Your post really puts in perspective for me. I don’t imagine I’ll be washing her workout clothes. Although, you could probably feed your crew anything and they’d be happy to see it. I have been informed that friend who is a girl is a “picky” eater. I already have three picky eaters! For Pete’s Sake!</p>
<p>Marian, I sheduled a dental appointment at 11am for him, and was expecting some complaining. Nope. No complaining, because he’s not going. He’s going to pick up his friend who happens to be a girl instead. Hmmmm. Little brother gets to inherit the appointment instead…</p>
<p>Well, I like this thread-a lot! Spouse and I have had this discussion numerous times since OS has been off at college. This particular break he has 3 full weeks of being home. About 1 week before Christmas and 1 Week after Christmas (which encompasses New Year’s), he has pretty much slept and stayed up as late as he has wanted. Now that he is in the home stretch of heading back to school in a few days, he has been waking up more like the 10-11 AM schedule. I guess he figures it will help a little with regards to that 8:30 class coming up. I have been more than happy to let him sleep as well as be the short order cook, and assist with laundry. He will not be home much this summer and since he is our only, I have truly enjoyed every minute of it! It is not forever and we do see the light at the end of the tunnel for this break, so to speak! I just hope that when I am old and have to bother him in the night, take naps, need laundry done or a meal fixed, he will remember these years!!</p>
<p>This is a little hard for me to relate to because my college aged daughter always insists that if she’s not up that we wake her up by 10am cause she hates to waste the day - no matter how late she is up - which I would say she usually is to bed by 1am. My son who is a junior in HS is the same - really doesn’t want to sleep past 10am.</p>
<p>I’m just wondering - how about if you have some motivation for him to get up? Maybe a couple of days have something planned - going out for a family breakfast brunch at a favorite restaurant or plan some other local trip. Maybe there’s just no real good reason for him to wake up. He might just figure you’ll all be there and waiting whenever he decides to roll out of bed…</p>
<p>My daughter dutifully sets her alarm for seven am every morning…then gets up around 9:30. She says the two hours after her alarm goes off are the best sleep she gets because she doesn’t have to feel guilty about not getting up! Of course, by the time she eats, exercises, showers and communicates with every friend on the computer, it’s usually 2 pm anyway.</p>