<p>I chose to do the common app essay for a place where you are content. I did a very creative essay on walmart, and how I like it because you’re not being judged, and how there is so much judging and competitiveness in high school. I want to stand out in my applications, but am wondering if this is too out there… What do you think?</p>
<p>Uhm… I don’t know where you’re from, but Wal-Mart is where people get judged all the time. I think it might come off good, but I’d watch the whiny “ohhh, my high school’s so competitive” tone.</p>
<p>Really? In California everyone wears pajamas to Walmart because they know they won’t be judged. And yeah, I wasn’t really whining about the competitive thing, just stated it how it is.</p>
<p>I would not say the topic is “out there” at all, and it might be different enough to stand out. It all depends on the execution, of course.</p>
<p>And don’t worry whether your perceptions of Walmart match Newdle’s or anyone else’s. In the first place, I suspect Newdle is discussing something different from the point you are making. Second, no two Walmart’s or communities with a Walmart are alike. (But it might be worthwhile to clarify that you are referring to a specific Walmart.)</p>
<p>@WasatchWriter thanks a lot! Yeah it’s honestly one of the best narratives I think I’ve written, and I really want to use it. I’m just worried about the risk factor. I can send it to you if you want.</p>
<p>I just don’t see a risk factor. Writing about your neo-Nazi values has a risk factor. Writing about your five suicide attempts has a risk factor. I think the “special place” topic cries out for something original. How many essays do you think they read about “my room” or “the beach”?</p>
<p>Ugh - wearing pajamas in public?</p>
<p>I agree that unless you are REALLY out there, like a very controversial topic such as “my racist upbringing” or “how I changed my life after I got out of juvie”, I would not worry.</p>
<p>@WasatchWriter that’s a great point! Thanks a lot</p>
<p>Anyone want to read it?</p>
<p>Sure! Sounds interesting :)</p>
<p>Nothing wrong with this essay! Send it in.</p>
<p>Well… I must say that’s an interesting topic choice! </p>
<p>While I’m not going to discourage you from writing this essay, I will say that unless you’re a really good writer it’s hard to pull off something like that… In my opinion, the small chance that your essay may sound “unique” does not outweigh the equally likely chance that your essay could seem petty and insignificant when compared to other, more serious essay topics. </p>
<p>Now, of course, none of us on this thread could accurately give you a definite “yes” or “no” answer because we don’t know how well you write or specifically what angle you plan on taking. So, if you could give us a little more information as to what exactly you plan on doing in this essay of yours, we can more accurately answer your questions. </p>
<p>In any case, regardless of what you choose to do, I wish you good luck and hope that everything works out for you!</p>
<p>Seems like a good subject.</p>
<p>It’s all in the execution, but that’s always the case. If you can do humor, I think it could work out very well.</p>
<p>
If OP is not a good writer, then it won’t matter what he/she writes.</p>
<p>@WasatchWriter @ThereAreLlamas @obsessedcornell1 @nhoff7349 what do you think?</p>
<p>You know, I like it. This certainly isn’t a final draft but it shows great promise. There’s a good mixture of humor, description, and insight. </p>
<p>I’m not really sure about the survival necessities paragraph, though. The general idea of Walmart being your basic necessities store is good, but they also carry iPhones along with countless other luxuries. If I were you, I would take your “everyone at walmart has a similar goal” sentence and run with it, deleting everything in that paragraph that came before it. If you could describe the sense of community that you find when shopping at Walmart, that would more strongly support your thesis. </p>
<p>One more thing: you describe both the college application process and being in Walmart as stressful, which doesn’t do a very good job of proving your point. I would not mention whether being in Walmart is stressful- stress and contentment do not tend to go together very well. </p>
<p>Overall, though, I thought it was a great start! Just make sure you know your thesis and stick to it, not being afraid to delete and restructure large portions of your essay. </p>
<p>Thanks for the advice!</p>
<p>I like the idea, and most of the things you write about Walmart. I am concerned that you contextualize it more than you need to. The first paragraph is way too long; it takes 212 words just to see where the essay is going. (And I would especially drop references to the stress of applying to college; just ignore it.) Likewise the first few sentences of Paragraph 3. By this point, I don’t care about school; I want to focus only on Walmart.</p>
<p>I also worry about Paragraph 2. This is MORE contextualizing, but of a different kind, so it’s confusing. Either juxtapose your content-at-Walmart feeling against the stress of being a teenager, OR juxtapose it against the stressful side of Walmart, but NOT BOTH.</p>
<p>Note: when you revise this do not post it directly on CC. Offer to PM it to people instead. Whenever you post something in an open forum, there is a chance some creep will plagiarize, and also a chance that college admissions people will run it through a service like Turnitin, which will report it as possible plagiarism of work you cannot prove is yours.</p>
<p>In fact, I think you should flag Post #14 and beg a moderator to remove the essay. </p>
<p>@WasatchWriter Thanks for the advice! How do you flag? Think you could do it for me?</p>
<p>Flagged that for you.</p>