We moved to ours when our children were very young. At that time, most neighbors were primarily retirees. We had to drive to other neighborhoods for our children’s activities and friends. I met some wonderful people, but most were much older, and are no longer with us.
We are now the old ones. Tons of families have moved in. They have a great network – among themselves, but don’t seem to be interested in the long-timers (which are now very few). We do have a few neighborhood gatherings, but it is so obvious, to me, that the older ones who attend seem invisible to the young families. Plus, I believe their lives are so much more complicated, with little time outside of their jobs and children’s activities.
I’m not sure how you find (or create) neighborhoods with “just the right mix”.
@kjofkw you bring up a good point. We had our fingers crossed when we moved into our last house with 2 young children. Most of the other people had kids and we ended up making close friends with several neighbors. We just got lucky.
The street I live on now is very quiet. Not many young families, a lot of older people. You would think we would have instant friends but that hasn’t been the case. Everyone is pleasant and polite, but they have been here for years and have little interest in new friends. Fortunately I have connected with a bunch of women through a neighborhood group on social media.
Neighborhoods turn over. When we bought our last house in 1988 we were the youngest on the block. When we sold it in 2023 we were among the oldest. Somewhere in the middle, when my daughter was young, the block was packed with kids. We had block parties with tons of kids riding around on their bikes.
Our neighborhood has turned over too (we were original owners in new construction development 24 yrs ago). It’s so fun to see the little kids and get to know the young couples a bit (I went running with a few young moms for a while which was delightful - if tiring, lol).
My good friends however, are those in the same life stage - those who have shared raising our kids and are know wrestling with empty nest/open door challenges and decisions.
I’ve lived in my house for 36 years and while I know a few neighbors to say hello we have no communication with them. We have a beach that when our kids were young we formed an informal beach community but that ended as the kids moved away. OTOH my daughter lives close by (10 minutes from me)and has a close neighbors network. They have a neighborhood group chat where they share info. They also have a group neighborhood party once a year. They consider moving to another neighborhood where they could get a bigger home for their family and the only thing holding them back is they love their neighbors and the surrounding walkable neighborhood.
I’m torn as I love my house and the physical beauty of my neighborhood. The lots are large which doesn’t lend itself to knowing neighbors and we have to drive to do anything aside from a pleasure walk. I also love that when I babysit my grandkids I can walk to coffee, the bank, post office, market and bookstore from their house.
Something I have observed is that experiences can be very different just a block or two away. Our block is quiet but the block behind us is very lively with block parties, lots going on at Halloween , etc. Same when I lived in DC suburbs. Then we lived on a friendly street, others in our neighborhood were very different.
Our neighborhood is not walkable to anything except the lake.
BUT we only have 14 houses in our street association. We adults are within about 10 years of age…except for one family who sold their house to their kid…and there are now two younger kids also on the street again.
We have a few annual events…Memorial Day, July 4 and Labor Day picnics at our beach. Happy hour every Friday on the street (people bring stuff to share). A Halloween party that really is fun. Some years we gather to sing Christmas carols.
Everyone is helpful to everyone else. Just this morning, a neighbor borrowed our snowblower which was absolutely fine. Ours is a little more powerful and we were happy to help.
It’s a great neighborhood, and has been for the whole 30 years we have lived here.
This is very true. In my experience it often comes down to one person/family who manages the neighborhood social life. Our neighborhood has a family that started throwing huge 4th of July parties and NYE parties about 20 years ago.Pretty soon everyone was trying to reciprocate and we have a pretty full calendar. It’s fading a bit now that the kids have all left (mine were among the youngest).
I think it often just takes someone to invite everyone else over.
When we moved to the last community we lived in we hosted a block party. We were one of the first families moved in (new construction) so we made flyers and passed them out to everyone who lived there as well as to people whose houses were under construction. We just walked down the block every evening and on weekends to try to catch as many as possible. Almost everyone showed up and not only did we meet them, our kids made friends and everyone got to know each other. One of the best things I ever did.
We moved to AZ when our son was two into a very family-oriented community. As we got to casually know the neighbors around us, we started a Friday night pot-luck at our house that soon morphed into a five-family rotation where the hosting family provided the main meal item (usually something on the grill) and beverages, and everyone else brought sides/dessert. The kids played in the pool (every house had one) while the adults sipped, talked, and relaxed. This setup meant that everyone could look forward to a month of Friday parties free from cooking/cleanup and, when it was your turn, you were basically just throwing something on the grill and opening up your bar. We were also the house that hosted the Halloween driveway candy handout, and our other neighbors took on the 4th of July, NYE, Cinco de Mayo, SuperBowl, etc. It was a very tight community and wonderful while it lasted. Alas, the kids grew up and many of us retired and moved away, but we still go up to the old neighborhood every Halloween to pass out candy in the driveway of the neighbor who took over the duty from us. And we all catch up with our annual Christmas cards. Two of those neighbors have even spent time with us at the cabin in Maine. Those ties aren’t easily broken.