wanna proofread my essay... anyone?

<p>Tell us about yourself in such a way that we will have a good sense of who you are.
“We see the world as ‘we’ are, not as ‘it’ is; because it is the ‘I’ behind the ‘eye’ that does the seeing.” - Anais Nin.
I have always wanted to see the world for what it really is, to separate reality from perception bias. I believe that my most valuable quality is my open-mindedness to people, ideas, and learning. At the same time, I strive to critically analyze any information that I am presented with. The ability to look at different facts and ideas and interpret them objectively has been one of my most valued virtues for as long as I can remember. I believe that the most dangerous human ailment is self-delusion. Just as our eyes are susceptible to various optical illusions, our reasoning ability is equally fallible against logic flaws when we try to evaluate arguments from a limited perspective. Too often I have seen people, even my teachers, commit serious mistakes in reasoning that lead them to erroneous outcomes in logic. Such incidents cause communication problems among us and result in unnecessary hostility between even some of the most intelligent individuals. This observation alerted me to the true importance of objectivity and critical thinking. While it is obviously useful to be able to take into account others’ individual perspectives to better understand those around you by recognizing their opinions and motives, I think that it is ultimately more important to try to search for the truth behind any claims.</p>

<p>My academic interests are concentrated mostly around the area of social sciences. After I graduate, I plan to incorporate my interests in economics, law, and international relations to find an engaging career that would always keep me excited about my job. Pursuing a law career has been an ambition of mine ever since I participated in the Law Enrichment during sophomore year. One of my deepest aspirations is to someday share the responsibility of upholding our principles by practicing law at my own firm. In addition, I plan to draw on my economics background, as well as my fluent command of the Russian language and four years of studying the Spanish language through the IB curriculum to specialize my interests in the area of international business.</p>

<p>Give me some advice please. The second paragraph of the essay does not really go together with the first one but I thought it would help to show another side of myself. Should I instead keep closer to the word limit and perhaps substitute the second paragraph with an example that would illustrate the points made in the first one?</p>

<p>Thank you all.</p>

<p>It doesn’t tell me anything about your personality to be honest… the best essays I’ve read are like, excerpts from your life that seem to portray your traits best.</p>

<p>Ahhh I can’t take this! Applications
reminds me of stuff i have to do </p>

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<p>hmmmmm… sounds more like a philosophy article than a college essay. Perhaps you should try to make it sound more personal</p>

<p>hmm i can kinda see what you’re saying but their topics seem to be pretty open ended… is it really that off-topic?</p>

<p>I think the topic really gives you room to explore, so really talk about yourself and let your personality shine through! It’s always hard to talk about yourself through something else, so try to have more personal statements.</p>

<p>I agree that you should have your voice shine through so it’s easier to see a more personal side to you</p>

<p>it might be a good idea to use your second paragraph as examples that support the first b/c then the overall essay seems more complete, more “together”</p>

<p>You may have heard this already but I’ve always thought about this piece of advice:–the aim of college essays is to “show, not tell”. So you might want to avoid directly stating some things and present a better picture through examples and details.</p>

<p>thank you all for helpful suggestions</p>

<p>Good luck =)</p>