<p>And I bet he felt SO good to finally get to know those poor people…ugh</p>
<p>we all have ADD so we often ( especially me) put things in teh strangest places- even thinking at the time- " I am never going to remember that" but doing it anyway
I now have to wear my keys on a lanyard- that I stick in my pocket- and have trained myself to put them in the same place when I get home.
money I am fairly good with- but that is because I rely on my debit card not cash- if I have a lot of cash- it takes up too much room and I put it in pockets
( I was really bad in canada- it didn’t look like real money- just play money- they don’t have dollar bills , their $1 and even the $2 are coins- * my husband didn’t notice there was a difference*- so I dropped $130 at LUSH without even feeling guilty )
an odd story
my college daughter left her stuff in the common room of her dorm quite a bit- mostly shoes and books. One pair of shoes she left in there so long that they were gone when she went to look for them.
Oh well natural consequences right?
The next year she was in a different dorm and at the end of the year, when she went to look in the dorms lost and found to see if anything was hers- there were her shoes that she had lost the last year!
We often seem to have really good karma on losing things
I lost my wallet a number of times when my daughter was small and I was stressed, usually at the grocery store I would put it down.
I came home at least 3 times to find it in my mailbox- someone had just picked it up and returned it- everything intact.
My daughters black north face jacket is hard to keep track of- everyone has one- but it always makes its way home eventually.
Even yesterday taking the bus downtown- I freaked because I thought I dropped my cell phone because it wasn’t in my purse and almost got off the bus to look- but I found it in my pocket at the last minute.
So I can’t really get mad at anyone for losing things- because I am the one who is usually doing the losing ;)</p>
<p>Thanks for that leanid. How old are you? Not old enought o know that many businesses and institutions use contracted firms to do nightly maintenance. </p>
<p>Other than appearing at 10 pm, he wouldhave had no other chance to meet ‘those people’. I wouldn’t recognize the people who clean our office if I passed them on the street for the same reason. The company comes in after hours and does the cleaning.</p>
<p>Big ‘ugh’ back to you. The feeling is mutual.</p>
<p>I think you did the right thing. Here’s why:</p>
<p>As parents, none of us will ever be “perfect”–just think, sometimes we’re perfect for one child, and never for the other. We are human, so are future college professors and bosses. From your comment about learning from your H, it’s obvious to me that you are not in the habit of flying off the handle and imposing unreasonable punishments. </p>
<p>Of course there is a lesson in the carelessness, but there is also a lesson in that our kids will have to learn to deal with all kinds of personalities, with all kinds of “hot-button” issues. You reacted naturally–it is reflective of you. I’ve seen people get lambasted for much less of an infraction, and the real test is how they react to that.</p>
<p>If it were my D, I would explain to her why I reacted as I did (even if you think she knows why, and with no discussion). As a week or two goes by, I would find out how she deals with consequences that some people might say are unfair. Does she accept the situation, or whine and pout continually? If she can chalk it up to experience, and not complain, she would find an extra envelope under the tree with my check for the registration and a note saying how proud of her I am.</p>
<p>Just my opinion.</p>
<p>You did the right thing, SplashMom. ;)</p>
<p>When she got home from school today, she immediately apologized for her attitude this morning and told me she understood why I had reacted the way I did. I apologized for sending her to school in tears. She insists on paying the stop payment fee and wants to pay for her Model UN conference, too. I will let her pay the bank fee, but I plan to deposit the money for the conference back into her checking account. She really is a good girl … I think I’ll keep her. 
Thanks again, all, for the wonderful words of wisdom.</p>
<p>SplashMom~Awwwwwwwwww, you are a GREAT mom!! Your sweet daughter is VERY lucky, and SO ARE YOU!!! ~berurah</p>
<p>Time for hugs and ice-cream! :)</p>
<p>Another take: I set up a joint checking account with my daughter when she was 16. This is her account, and is separate from my personal accounts. She has the checkbook.</p>
<p>However, because it is a joint account, it is also “linked” to my accounts in a way that I can easily transfer money and I can see her balance on line or at the ATM – but she can’t see my other accounts. But she can see the joint account together with her own separate savings account when she uses her ATM – it turns out to be a pretty good system with the bank.</p>
<p>Anyway, I fund the joint account with an allowance sufficient to cover reasonable expenses and expect my daughter to take care of any expenses either from that account, or by using her credit card. If she charges something that it is agreed or understood that I will pay for, then I pay for it when the bill comes – if it is a personal purchase, she pays for it. </p>
<p>The advantage of this system is simply that I never really have to deal with supplying or writing checks. While I can easily monitor what is going on, my daughter also sees the statements and of course would be the one to bear the expense of various bank fees incurred. </p>
<p>Anyway, this system works very well for us and I think we will keep it in place when she goes off to college.</p>
<p>Life is really, really short.</p>
<p>Tears are for dogs that get hit by cars, broken ankles and shattered elbows, absent parents, rainbows so pretty they hurt, babies snoring and mom’s missing their college students!</p>
<p>Yes financial accountability is important but to the point of tears…</p>
<p>Note: tears are hard to come by at our house (walk-it-off jocks are plentiful here)…</p>
<p>However my tears where in great supply this afternoon while I was trying to pick out the best pumpkins for jack-o-laterns and realized my best carvers were all away at school…3 kittens gone…</p>
<p>There I was sniffling amongst all the squash.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>calmom,</p>
<p>That is exactly what we do for our kids. Both of the kids also have an Amex with their names on it from our account; items we pay for go on that credit card and items they need to pay for go on their Visa. There are items we will pay for that the kids can’t use the AMEX for- copays at some doctor’s office, where they get their haircut, and a few extra places. When that happens they just let us know when they get their bill and we transfer the money to their checking account. Of course when the AMEX bill comes home I always check it to find a few charges on there that shouldn’t be there-movie tickets, fast food, etc. places I know that take Visa! Quess what? The transfer of funds works both ways; we just pull the money from their account :-)</p>
<p>That is exactly what we spoke of yesterday afternoon … having DD write checks or use her credit card for all purchases she makes and we will then reimburse for the expenditures DH and I have agreed to cover. We should have been doing that all along. We’re back on track and life is good. Thanks all!</p>
<p>I agree with what you did. We had similar situations with DS (although not with checks). For example, he went on a HS trip to Florida in March. WE bought him fairly expensive sandals which he “left on the beach”. When he asked for a second pair when summer came…I politely told him…“I bought the first pair…you can buy the replacements”. He freaked out…because of course it was the beginning of summer and sandals were hard to find. AND to top it all off, I had used a very good coupon when I bought the original pair. It was a $75 dollar (yep…I told you they were expensive) lesson for him. BUT he hasn’t lost any clothing since then. He never lost a check, but he did misplace money (smaller amounts). We NEVER gave him “replacement” money.</p>
<p>Cheer up Cheers, I was only poking fun for that tone of condescension (sp). I suppose “ugh” could have been omitted…</p>
<p>I think you were the only one who saw any tone of condescension there.</p>
<p>Well, I think I have had another banner day. On my way out of work, where I have been since 7:00 am, my middle school daughter phoned to tell me that she cannot remember where she left her musical instrument! It’s not in the house or car, and the kids had a long weekend. SOOO, I’m hoping she finds it at school on Tuesday. Of course, we own it rather than rent it. ARGH!!!</p>
<p>* think you were the only one who saw any tone of condescension there*</p>
<p>Ya I had to go back and reread.
I know that sometimes it is hard to distinquish tone from posts- but I didn’t understand the comment about “poor” people
Do you mean maintenance staff ?
When I was in elementary school- I didn’t know really any maintenace staff but in junior high we did very well. They were the ones who would let us in out of the build after hours as well as have talks with us about missing the bus/getting home safely.
At my daughters K-12 school- I knew the maintence staff fairly well as the chair of PTA I often had to communicate with them about various functions and they were also included in all school functions for staffing. Really interesting people, most were immigrants and had very different jobs in their home country. THe school community held drives of clothing & household items for the staff to give to new immigrants through their church.
I also would quibble with calling someone who is employed through school district “poor” I don’t consider a maintenance job to be a poor job- it certainly is steady work, and while not all appreciated as much as it should be, they certainly are critical to building operations!</p>
<p>Back to the original topic…Splashmom…accept my commiseration (is that a word?)…If misery loves company,…</p>
<p>In the last 24 hours, one of my daughters (the usually organized one) has done the following: 1) forgotten her dance clothes in her locker at school–which is locked on the weekends–which were needed for a competition today (retrieved courtesy the principal yesterday at 5 p.m.); 2) lost her student body cards (both of them), one in the car and one in her room–causing her to be late for a dance last night and 3) locked her key in her bedroom (the spare, she had already lost the main one), resulting in an early morning visit this morning from the locksmith at a hefty price. Because, of course, the recently-retrieved-from-the-locker dance clothes, needed for the competition today, were IN THE LOCKED BEDROOM.</p>
<p>Sigh. As upset as I am after that 24 hours, I have to remind myself that I “lost” my purse out of my UNLOCKED car last week so I can hardly throw stones. It just makes me think that we are all too busy and over-committed to think straight these days. But, yes, the locksmith’s fee DID come out of her savings.</p>
<p>How about reimbursing her Model UN fees for Christmas or an upcoming birthday - or even Thanksgiving (right before Black Friday)? She apologized sua sponte - if you are inclined to reimburse, you could tie it to something. The “usually responsible” part is, IMO, the part to focus on.</p>
<p>CalMom & Pokey:
Same here, we opened a joint account which I can track online. At the beginning, I can make sure they are properly paying bills, etc. once the kids are up & running on their own, I can transfer $ in (or out!) as the situation arises. Very handy, what with the vagaries of figuring out your own banking, internet not always available, etc.</p>