Was it all worth it?

Applying to College
1

I’ve had a lot on my mind recently and I really need a space to let it all out, without the opinions of my parents and family…on the other hand, i really need to know if all this stress was worth it. I’m new here, so please feel free to let me know if this is the wrong place to post this and send me over to a more appropriate forum category.

I’m a Chinese-Canadian high school student currently in Grade 12, and I’m interested in going into astrophysics in post-secondary. My parents have pressured me to get into a top-tier American school literally my entire life, and younger me actually believed them that I could. Now that I’ve finished all my applications, I feel horribly empty inside, because I feel no motivation or true passion to actually go to these schools. Don’t get me wrong here - I would absolutely LOVE to study at these amazing institutions, and I recognize that being pushed to try my best for a great university is not always a bad thing. Unfortunately, the whole application process has left me with a bad taste in my mouth, and I really just want to fall apart.

My parents mean well, I know they do, and I’ve had these dreams too. But really, I’d rather just stay in Canada. My parents seem to be pushing for an American school just for the sake of going to an American school, regardless of which one it is or what I actually want. I tried to force myself to believe in applying as well, by telling myself ‘there’s nothing wrong with trying!’ or even ‘if you don’t do this you’ll be a disgrace to the family’ but I have yet to feel motivated by this process, even though it’s finally done.

The thing is, the reason my parents have such high expectations for me is because I’ve always been that ‘smart’ kid, and honestly, this is one of the only reasons I have a (horribly small) hope for these applications. I’m graduating at 16 years old, having attending a variety of special programs for nearly my entire educational career. I skipped Grade 1, attended higher level math classes throughout elementary, transferred to a 3-year (Gr. 5 ~ Gr. 7) gifted education program, enrolled in a accelerated program where I completed Gr. 8~10 in 2 years, and finally am now in the IB program for my last two years of high school. It seems like a lot, I know. But honestly, I feel like anyone could have done the same. I wasn’t particularly special, I was just lucky enough to get these opportunities. I’m definitely not doing spectacular in school either - all the time I’ve spent on university applications meant putting off school and IB, and my grades have dropped as a result.

Another thing I’ve got going for me is high SAT scores, but again, I don’t feel that it sets me apart. I got 1570 (M: 790, R/W: 780) on my first try, and then 800 on Math II (1st try) and 800 on Physics (2nd try). These scores definitely encouraged me for my chances, but I still don’t know if it even matters…

In terms of ECs, I am the co-president of the SPCA Club at my school, where my twin sister and I have singlehandedly organized several fundraisers in the community, including a public Halloween pet costume contest (over $400 in prizes!). I am very proud of my achievements in the club, but other than this club, I have nothing really worth noting. I am part of several other clubs in the school (but no leadership positions) and in terms of volunteering, I personally organize solo piano performances at a local senior home, and regularly participate in helping with grad events including our winter dance and a grad BBQ.

Now for the actual schools…I’ve applied to UBC and U of T for the Canadian schools, and for the American schools I applied to Berkeley, CalTech, and MIT. My dad thinks I’ve applied to a bunch more, but these schools are the ones I actually really want to get into.

I’m very sorry for the longwinded post, but I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest and get some input on whether I have any chances. I really really want these next couple of months to be over so I can just go somewhere because I honestly hate the whole elitism around schools. I think its infinitely more important to do well with the school you end up going to than whatever school you’re actually at. I feel so embarassed that my parents call schools like UBC and U of T “lame” and “NOT GOOD ENOUGH” for me and I just want to scream. What do you guys think? Do I actually have a chance for the American schools? Are my parents in the right here? Any comments or anything at all are welcome, I just really want to talk to anybody about this.

TL;DR: Burned-out Canadian high school student pressured by parents to go to American school, he doesn’t think its worth it; tips/comments/chances?

2

Another thing I forgot to mention is the insane tuition for American schools, and my family can’t possible afford it without scholarships and financial aid. I feel horrible that they’re willing to sacrifice their well-being while I’m in college just so they can pay my tuition. I’ve been trying to convince them to look at the situation realistically but they insist that I’ll be able to get a scholarship and I don’t want to let them down by giving up now.

3

I’m going through the college application process myself, so I’m not sure how qualified my answer is… but based on what I’ve learned, you’ve applied to some pretty selective American schools as an international, which means your chances are slim–but def not impossible! As an international though, unless you’re very low income, try not to apply for financial aid as that’s a common reason they reject qualified international applicants :neutral:

On the other hand, your stats are really good and you’ve done a lot with your life so far, even graduating early (and that’s impressive! Super cool) but just keep in mind that these schools are a reach for everyone, even domestic applicants with similarly impressive achievements. And no matter what happens, I can tell that everything you’ve done has prepared you for a bright future, so yes, it was worth it :slight_smile:

4

I’m so sorry your parents have put so much pressure on you. It’s not the first post like this I’ve seen here, and I always feel terrible for so much pressure being placed on the student. I know it comes from good intentions but it’s still so tough to be imposing things like this on children.

FYI, you will not get a scholarship to Berkeley as an out of state student, so that’s out. MIT is need blind/meets need for internationals so if you get in there you should be fine, funding wise; then it’s just deciding if you actually want to go. ( I don’t know about caltech funding.) If you end up in the situation of being accepted to a school like MIT and getting funding but would still prefer a Canadian school - is there another trusted adult, maybe an aunt or uncle or older cousin, who could be a mediator between you and your parents?

Also, if you do get in (or wherever you get in), if you are feeling burnt out it may be an idea to defer for a year and take a gap year to do something that is exciting and enriching but not the kind of stress/pressure/performance you’ve been under during high school.

5

I’m sorry you’re feeling such pressure. It sounds as if you’ve done a good job of keeping your options open. In all reality, the situation may become self-limiting as your parents realize that your US schools aren’t affordable. The amount of scholarship funding available for international students is really quite limited. And if your grades have sagged a bit, that may spare you the decision of whether to pay the unaffordable price of attending.

UBC and Toronto are top-tier schools! It sounds as if there may be a touch of “familiarity breeds contempt” going on with your parents. Wouldn’t it make more sense to get the top-notch Canadian education they’ve already been paying for with their taxes, and then apply to grad programs at the US schools they’ve been dreaming of? In a field like astrophysics, your undergrad school it not likely to be the last one you attend.

At any rate, you made it through the submission of applications, and now you get a breather before finding out what your options will be. In the meantime, you really might consider doing some research on gap year programs. You are not only burned out, but also quite young to start college. How would you feel about doing a postgraduate year abroad with a program like AFS? You could improve your fluency in a foreign language, take some additional AP-level courses, and have an amazing growth experience as well as a complete change of scene. A cursory check shows that U of Toronto does allow accepted students to defer their attendance for a year as long as they’re not attending another college. Might be worth looking into.

6

I second or third the idea of taking a gap year no matter where you get in. I went to college at 17 and frankly it wasn’t the best idea. I was totally burnt out from highschool and I was a young 17 and could have used some more maturity.

I’m so sorry your parents aren’t listening to you. I wish you all the best and hope some realization washes over them.

7

I also attended a highly ranked (and stressful) university in the US starting at age 17. I think that it would have been better if I had been a year older. Of course this only works if you come up with something reasonable to do during your gap year. I also feel that I might have been better off doing undergrad in Canada closer to home and then attending graduate school in the US.

UBC and the U of Toronto are great universities. I used to know a couple of people who did undergrad at U. of T and did graduate school in the US (at Stanford and Princeton). The top graduate schools in the US definitely know how strong the top Canadian schools are. This might be a very reasonable option in the very likely case that the US schools are not affordable. My understanding is that astrophysics is an area where graduate school is going to make sense (which is one reason to avoid debt for undergrad).

MIT is very stressful. The courses go fast and this does not let up for four years. I can’t imagine that Caltech would be much different. On the other hand, Toronto is not going to be easy either.

I am wondering whether attending UBC would give you any advantage with this:
https://www.triumf.ca/undergraduate-student-program

I suppose that astrophysics is not the same thing as nuclear physics.

8

Thanks for all the replies everyone! I really appreciate you took the time to respond and give some advice. I feel much better so thank you all for your support and guidance!

@Lyrinia thank you for the encouragement! Of course the hope is always there, but I definitely realize that these schools are very selective. I’ll consider the financial aid tip but my twin sister is also applying to schools this year, so my parents will definitely need the help supporting both of us simultaneously…

@SJ2727 thank you for the advice! I’ve visited MIT and I really loved the environment there, so if I do get in (very slim chance but if i do!), with the need-blind financial aid, hopefully everything works out. I don’t think I’d pass up a chance to go there even if I could ^~^. I did not know about Berkeley so I’ll keep that in mind now. Hopefully my parents will understand where I end up choosing, I know they’re trying their best for my future and I hope they’ll support me wherever I choose to go.

@aquapt that’s what i was thinking! I feel like my parents having heard so much about these canadian schools is what got them to disdain them so much. I’ve definitely considered transferring over to a graduate program at an American school too, it seems like a great idea to me. I agree, UBC and U of T are great schools and I would be happy to go to either, though I would prefer not staying near home actually (I live in the greater Vancouver area). I think it’s clear I’m getting a bit tired of being near my parents and I have always wanted to experience a new environment so getting out of the area is a preference for sure.

@one1ofeach it’s nice to hear of someone else who’s experienced the same thing! I actually had the opportunity to continue in the Gr. 8~10 program to finish 5 years of high school (Gr.8 all the way to 12) in just 3 years, but I left for the IB program, thinking I was underprepared for university at a mere 15 years old (what in the world). I know several students who continued through that path who are now in university at 15 and even 14 years old, and while they may be mature enough to handle university, I am glad I made the decision to leave. I have considered taking a gap year, but at the moment I feel quite confident that I would be able to adapt to a university environment well enough, though I definitely will revisit the option, seeing as most of you agree.

@DadTwoGirls It’s interesting that your situation was so similar! The worry of wasting away a gap year is definitely one of the reasons I haven’t considered taking a gap year - I feel like I’d have nothing to do! I will definitely take a look at the options above, however, if I find something that interests me. It’s also great to hear that American schools value the top Canadian schools, I feel a lot better if I do go and end up transferring for graduate school. And yes, I definitely will be planning on going to grad school, so this sounds like a great option for me. I have heard of the TRIUMF program but I haven’t considered it yet, so I’ll look into it too.

9

I’m actually another veteran of early matriculation - I started college (at MIT in fact) at 17. My hindsight perspective on it is this: it wasn’t that I couldn’t handle college. I could and did, at least for a while. The issue for me (and this is wholly individual - OP’s life is undoubtedly very different from mine in a host of ways) was that my world before college was so small and so focused on getting TO college, that I had kicked a lot of developmental cans down the road. (“A young 17” was an understatement in my case!) I had desperately looked forward to getting to college so that my life could start. And it did… but so did some very challenging and time-consuming academics… and I found myself in a constant battle between the demands of school, and the demands of my own socio-emotional development. School won out at first, because I was so afraid to fail that I forced myself to do the work. But I couldn’t keep it up, and I ended up taking time off after my sophomore year, reworking my whole plan, and transferring into a completely different major path at a different school. It worked out in the end, but then again MIT didn’t cost 70K+/year in those days!! The tuition I wasted would be very very costly today. (Of course, the modern-day equivalent of me wouldn’t come even close to being accepted to MIT, so there’s that too, lol.)

I guess my point is… it isn’t just whether you can handle college. It’s also, what do you need in terms of life experiences and time to process them, and will college meet those needs while you’re handling it? Are there any other experiences that might be valuable in a way that could be worth waiting a year for college? Because, college isn’t going anywhere but your youth is! One of my best college friends had done an AFS year in Japan between high school and college, and she couldn’t say enough good things about her experience. It’s not the sort of thing that’s easy to do later - you can study abroad, but not as a 17y/o experiencing high school with others your own age and making the kind of life-long friendships that can result. It can be a pretty special thing and can confer a lot of perspective on where you’ve come from and where you want to go.