Was it an irresponsible decision from my parents' POV to expect me to get full-ride scholarship?

Paying for College
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Just wanted to ask for an outside opinion of the folks here.

My parents moved to US on business investor visa and opened small business, and I was put into US HS 10th grade right away as a dependent of the business investor.

I wasn’t prepared by any means and hardly had any idea what was going on, my parents also weren’t doing that good with their small business so they didn’t have any money to support me if I would go to college in US. By "no money’ I mean anything above $500 was out of question.

It was only in the late 10th grade that I’ve figured out that my parents weren’t able to financially support me and had to figure our how the entire application process works, so I’ve only started preparing to apply in late 10th grade.

This was regular public school in US. Local funding level… I would say, “okay”. Lots of working class folks and plenty of people who had to support their families during high school via part-time jobs.

Smartest folks in the graduating class (maybe 10-15 people at most) went to Emory, Pomona, Rice, WashU - just to give you an estimate of the student body. Valedictorian going to T-20 was a big deal as far as I remember.

My parents had 0 idea what was happening, and I guess have just assumed that I would be able to get full-ride scholarship just because even if I was not even PR but just dependent on business investor visa.

Nonetheless, in the end I’ve obtained full-ride scholarship in T-30 school and it sort of worked out (with an untreated ADHD), but now that I look back, it sounds very crazy.

It’s very irresponsible and put a huge amount of pressure on me mentally. I’ve had to find well-paying summer jobs during college and send a lot of money to my parents.

So, not only was I not asking for any money, I was in fact sending them money in significant amounts from my summer internship jobs or scholarship leftover money (I’m talking about tens of thousands of dollars).

It is my suspicion that expecting an unprepared child to get a full-ride scholarship in US was a truly crazy idea and just because it worked out it was not “because of God” or anything, it was a very bad idea from the start.

I hope folks here can tell me that my feelings are justified, I would be very grateful.

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You’ve admitted they had no other choice. The other option may have been for you not to go to college, to go to a community college (in some states those are tuition free), to delay until you’d earned enough to support yourself, etc.

As for the sending money home, I think that is more a cultural thing. Many cultures do expect their children to support the elders, whether the children are 15 or 75. You can feel justified, but I don’t think it will change how your parents feel.

Many immigrants think everyone in the US get full ride scholarships and that everyone goes to Harvard. Many (MANY) parents think their 4.0/1600 kids will get a full ride and that doesn’t always happen. Many top schools don’t give merit scholarships and parents are unaware of that.

Your parents can only learn as they go along. Help them understand.

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It sounds like it all worked out for you. So…I’m not sure exactly what you want to know here.

There are plenty of students who have parents who don’t understand the college costs, admissions, etc.

I don’t think your parents were irresponsible at all. There is a difference between irresponsible and just not understanding the system.

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Sounds like your parents did the best they could and thankfully things worked out.

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there are millions of parents that can’t afford to help their kids with college.
Earning a scholarship like you did, is the only way such kids can attend a 4-year Uni, as opposed to attending a community college.

Sorry about the pressure, but sometimes facts are cold and hard.

Congrats to you for your accomplishments and good luck on your journey.

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It was maybe unreasonable but it’s unfair to say irresponsible and you did it.

What’s the issue or point ?

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It doesn’t sound like they had other alternatives yet chose this one. It is what it is. Fortunately, it worked out, and for the rest of your life, your education belongs to you.

Please don’t be a grievance collector. It’s quite possible they didn’t understand what the odds were. Or maybe they did and had enormous faith in your ability. That sure beats having parents who don’t believe in you!

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Sounds like it worked out for you, what would your life be like right now if your parents do not move to the us when you were in 10th grade ? Did they move to the US hoping to give you a better opportunities? What did they sacrifice to make the move?

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This reads like they were not capable of supporting you financially, not unwilling.

I teach in a Texas high school. More of the graduates from our campus go to community college than 4-year college mainly because of the cost. Those who go to 4-year college are on various scholarships including full ride. The common understanding is that the students are responsible for finding the funding for high education if they want one. There are many immigrant students whose parents know nothing about college and cannot pay anything towards even community college. The parents brought the children to the U.S. and that’s considered a big achievement - putting their children in an environment more desirable than where they are from. When the children reach 18, they can decide if they want to stay in the US. I’ve heard of some who have moved back but I believe most chose to stay.

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Immigrating to the US and starting a small business is inherently very risky. However, this is something that has the potential to work out very well if everything (or at least enough things) goes well. I do not know where your parents came from or what economic opportunities they had there. However, I do understand that sometimes taking a risk such as this is worthwhile. Often you will not know whether it will turn out to have been worthwhile for many years.

Congratulations! I expect that a great deal of this is due to your own very hard work. You have earned the opportunity to attend a very good university. There are by the way hundreds of very good universities and colleges in the US. Attending a “top 30” university is going to be a lot of work (which I expect that you have already found out), but is a great opportunity. You summer internships most likely will also help you quite a bit.

It sounds like this worked out well for you. I hope that your parent’s business also works out well in the end.

We each do our best, and try to take advantage of the opportunities that we get. I cannot judge what opportunities you or your parents would have had elsewhere.

I am myself an immigrant to the US. I know quite a few other immigrants, including some neighbors and coworkers and friends, and some of the health care professionals who help me to stay healthy. It has worked out well for most of us also, but this is something that is not guaranteed in advance.

I wish you the best, and I definitely want to congratulate you on your acceptance to a great university and on your scholarship / financial aid and on your internships.

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Sorry, no. I get that this is a stressful position for you - those feelings are absolutely justified. But calling your parents “irresponsible” is not. From your description, they’ve been doing the best they can. They didn’t strike it rich with their business, but the vast majority of people don’t. They sound like they are working hard and struggling like - guess what - thousands and thousands of other people are, too. That’s life. It has nothing to do with being irresponsible. You too clearly worked very hard and probably had some luck, too. That’s great! If it hadn’t worked out, you likely would have had to go to community college to start out. Lots of people need to do that for financial reasons. Many, many families can’t afford college tuition and living expenses at a 4 year university. There is nothing irresponsible about these parents. That’s just the way it is sometimes. Most people are doing their best.

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My father’s grandparents were immigrants. His parents not only didn’t understand higher education, but they didn’t value education much in the first place. My dad chose to attend the best high school in his city, and he had to take the bus across town to get there - sometimes, he didn’t have the fare & he had to hitchhike (that was much more common back then). He graduated near the top of his class at his very competitive high school. His parents didn’t bother to come to his graduation. He joined the army after high school because he couldn’t afford college. He began college on the GI bill afterwards, but he dropped out because his family expected him to support them. He only got out from under that when he married my mom. He never got the opportunity to finish college. The point of sharing his story? Your parents were not irresponsible. They did what they could to put you in a position to be able to go to college, and I assume that they have supported your education in non financial ways (you know, like being proud & going to your graduation … and not telling you that you need to stop going to school so you can support them).

You are fortunate, and clearly you are smart & hardworking. If you have children, you may choose to go about things differently, and that’s okay. But please try to recognize that your parents did what they felt was best for their situation.

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America gave you opportunities that you probably would not have had if your parents did not take that risk to move for a better life. You feel like you were taken advantage of. If you do not want to help your parents out, that’s your business. How else would you have gone to a 4 year college? I understand your frustration but seeking validation now is not going to change the past. Look at the glass as half-full and move on.

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Please read through your questions then give your parents a call and tell them you love them.

They did a fantastic job raising you. You learned to be responsible, apply for schools and scholarship and made so much money you could help them out. That is a pretty awesome kid that you are!!!

Did expecting you to do all of this unreasonable. Probably. Lol.

At 9 year’s old I told my single parent mother with 4 kid’s on public aid and food stamps that I wanted to be a doctor. She said then study hard and you will be. I told her we have no money. She said we will figure out a way. Yes, I am a doctor that went on financial aid and scholarship to school and I worked kinda full time to put myself through school. Also started working at 9. Yes, 9 and was paying water bills and car bills at 16. Any money we all made went to help her with bills. She worked 6-7 days a week like over 10 hours each day.

I don’t regret one bit of it. My kids went OOS at good universities and didn’t have to go through what I did but they have the determination to make things happen for themselves. Just like you.

You will most likely continue to help your parent’s. We all did.

You are well educated. That is the best gift they can help you get or you gave to yourself. You will be a successful person in life due to your parents.

Thank them. :wink:

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