Watch out - there's another freight train coming

Parent Cafe
1

<p>On a more somber note, I unfortunately discovered something more painful than delivering them to college as freshmen, then returning home and counting the days till Thanksgiving. </p>

<p>It’s at the end of year four, when they’ve made wonderful, life-long friends, that they dearly love, people that they met as just-out-of-high-school 18 year olds and grew up with over the course of four years, people you know they will know forever, people that you know will be in their lives for future weddings, babies, career and professional support and connections, etc. And those friends are getting on planes and returning to home states or even their native countries, or other distance destinations, and there’s this process of saying goodbye.</p>

<p>When you deliver them to college, you’re sad, but you’re cool with being sad because they’re very happy and excited. But this is “ouchy” - because on this leg of the journey THEY hurt, while you’re excited because they’re done or almost done with school, and moving into the world, etc. </p>

<p>There should be a book for parents on this part, as well.</p>

2

<p>I’m already dreading that very situation for my rising junior daughter. She was actually sad to finish her sophomore year, expressing great remorse that she is “halfway through” with the most wonderful experience of her life thus far.</p>

3

<p>It’s taken a good two years for my D to feel as at home in the world as she did at her school, but she’s done tremendous growth in those two years! Graduating, though, was very tough for her; she truly loved her school world, and it was such a great experience.</p>

4

<p>Garland, please say is there anything that helps? Or do they sort of have to work through it on their own, is there anything you did, or that you recommend doing, or, is it a bad idea to turn into a helecopter, or ???</p>

5

<p>I have 2 who both graduated last year. </p>

<p>For me I was truly sad they had to enter the real working world, and that’s where they’ll be forever, just like all us old people…it’s the true end of their last extension of childhood and now they’re REALLY grown up. </p>

<p>2 differences between them and us: 1) I hardly have any college pictures. Thanks to digital cameras they have hundreds. 2) IM makes it so easy to stay in touch.</p>

<p>In S’s case very few stayed in Pgh after college—his friends seem to be bunched in NYC (incl S) or DC. The NYC people are still his best friends and he sees them often.</p>

<p>Thankfully both are happy and enjoy their work, that’s all I can hope for.</p>

6

<p>This might be the advantage for kids who stay close to home for college.</p>

7

<p>My college roommates are still among my closest friends, although only one lives within 2 hours. We are all still in contact with each other (and this is 25 years+ later). Some of us lived together for the first few years after college (grad school for some/bank training programs for others), but even as we scattered all over the country, the deep bonds formed at college survived. My husband will tell you that when the phone rings in our home, he can tell immediately if it’s one of my college roommates on the phone just by my voice/reaction. And it makes my day when I log on in the morning and find an email from one of them. These friendships don’t disappear - reassure your kids of this.</p>

8

<p>I am so grateful for email–it’s the main way I stay in touch with a few good friends from college, and I graduated over 25 years ago! Somehow we were too lazy (OK, busy with families and life) to pick up a pen for years and barely stayed in contact via the occasional visit or annual card; now we share news, photos & jokes all the time.</p>

<p>And as clk pointed out, this generation already has the electronic media thing down pat.</p>

9

<p>i absolutely hated college graduation. i stayed up the entire night before just walking around town with my friends, laying out on the grass, etc. i was quite possibly the most miserable person on graduation day… i got snippy with everyone. College was the best experience ever and i really miss it a lot.</p>

10

<p>Wow, LTS, a poignant post, as we say.</p>

11

<p>D, who just finished her sophomore year, spent the last couple of days of finals and a couple of days afterwards just being with close friends. Her school doesn’t use freshman dorms but has all four years living together in the same House, which I think on balance is a great thing, but it does mean that she’s saying “goodbye” every year to people that she’s gotten very close to. The fact that 2/3 of the juniors spend a year abroad intensifies the phenomenon because it means there are many people that you are together with for only one year. I think she’s making lifelong friends by the busload…but the sadness of parting is undeniable. Even as I type, she’s in “chat” with one of them.</p>

12

<p>I’ll find out this Sunday at his grad. His friends and roommates are all scattering. TD, it will be odd that I will be wearing Oregon spring clothes to Pittsburgh this weekend (high 60/low 50 and wet). Outdoor commencement ceremony.</p>

13

<p>S2 is sad this year, end of his sophomore year, because many of his closest friends were grad students now leaving. The music world is small, though, and I expect he’ll see them again. </p>

<p>When S1 graduated last year, though, it wasn’t hard at all for him. He left Philly for DC, and immediately became part of a close group of Penn grads in the DC area. He has also traveled back to Penn several times this year. His good-byes are being strung out, and that makes it easier somehow. Having something to look forward to also tempers it. In his case, a new job, new independence, an exciting future.</p>

<p>Concerning roommates, my H was out of town when S2 was born (early), and my college roommate, who was visiting for the weekend, coached me through labor and delivery! She is also a nurse, and was 4 months pregnant herself. Rather a bonding experience, I would say.</p>

<p>I don’t think it ever stops - the saying goodbye part. If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that saying goodbye often preceeds saying hello to a new experience or friend. We get to do that this summer. When we moved here 3 years ago, we told our friends back home, “See you in 3 years.” When we leave here this summer, we will tell our new friends, “We hope we will see you again someday.” Very different, and much harder. I think it will also be very hard on D.</p>

14

<p>LTS: for her, it was mostly a time thing; she just needed to see that there are ways to make a great life when you’re not living 24/7 with your best friends. She worried a lot ahead of time about how you meet people and have a social life when they’re not so readily available like in college. I thnk she worried less about keeping in touch with college friends because they have so many ways to communicate that we don’t. Her post-college time has had two, going on three, sections so far:</p>

<p>1) Living at home to begin with; unsuccessfully looking for work in NYC. Very depressed at first, but then got a job which she loved in our area (doesn’t require a degree, but challenging, rewarding, and decent money). Made a lot of friends with people at the job, did a lot of traveling, saved a boatload of money.</p>

<p>2)After a year, went through with original plan to get apartment in Brooklyn with college best friends–wonderful neighborhood, loads of fun as half the LAC world seemed to be at her doorstop, adored the whole NY life. However, couldn’t find a job that paid enough to support herself or that she liked as much as the NJ job, ended up going through some of her savings to make ends meet.</p>

<p>Now, on to, part three–moving back to NJ, just found apartment in town where old job is, has been working there, living half in Brooklyn, half home or with friends, will be coming back to job full time and new apartment in June. </p>

<p>Still a little ambivalent because she loves her college friends, but the job, the bf she met there, and her innate love of Jersey are outweighing it. Think she’ll probably end up at grad school eventually, but she needs to do it on her own pace.</p>

<p>My role? Unpaid counselor, LOL. spent a lot of time just listening, reframing and redirecting “catastrophic thinking” (“I’ll never meet new people” “Ilm running out of money”–not a problem, she’s the world’s best saver, etc etc). Promised over and over that great new stuff still happens, new people are out there to meet, new opportunities are waiting. Has gotten better at doing this for herself now; no longer sees things as either/or, understands that doors can always be opened if she tries hard enough, much less catastrophic thinking. these days, I am more of a spectator/cheerleader, much less of a coach.</p>

15

<p>Wow, when I read the thread title was wondering what was up with the economy this time.</p>

<p>Sunday graduation will be a very bittersweet moment…</p>

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<p>For me graduation and my friends moving on was a celebration of our new lives. There a couple reasons for that. One we all knew we were headed disparite directions after graduation and virtually all were moving on to the next step in their dream and, perhaps more importantly, my friends were always mixed across all classes (frosh, soph, jr, sr) so my senior year was my fourth year of very close special friends moving on.</p>

<p>It was after I left college that I realized what a special and unique time college was for me … as I fit into the work world I started to miss my college friends more as it was harder developing a network of friends as special as I found in college. Since we moved in many vaired directions I seldom see some of my best friends from college … but 25 years later about 2 minutes into a phone call it feels like we’re sitting in the hall sharing a midnight pizza shooting the breeze … special friends are few but they certainly are for life also!</p>

17

<p>I do not view this as either sad or poignant, but exciting. He has been coddled(in the best sense), nurtured, matures and been educated for 21 years. Now it is time for him to step out onto his stage and take on the challenges and take advantages of the opportunities he has been given.</p>

<p>nothing could be more exciting for this parent!</p>