<p>My son is a college freshman and I was very involved with some of his high school ECs. I couldn’t imagine not maintaining some connection, going to plays, competitions, etc. Well I went to the Fall musical and didn’t think it was that great and I went to a competition tonight and was mostly bored. I think I’m moving on. Sigh. It’s appropriate and I’ll find other things to do. But still.</p>
<p>While I still have 2 kids behind D who is a college freshman, I can relate. But I think what I’ve found is that maybe I was more connected with the PEOPLE associated with the activities instead of the activities themselves! Whether the “people” were parents or students - that’s who I miss…</p>
<p>But a group of moms from my D’s class - our kids are mixed, some guys, some girls have been getting together every other month to talk kids, college, plus other stuff. We just went out last night - we pick a dinner spot each time and take a couple of hours to share, sympathize, compare notes etc. on our lives and our kids. Guess what?! We still enjoy each other when the kids are not around!</p>
<p>This has helped me not be so sad about “losing” that high school connection. My 2nd child is a high school sophomore, same school, but is a boy, so my connections are different - sports, etc.</p>
<p>My youngest is now a sophomore in college, and we still socialize with many of the parents of his high school friends. Our son played basketball in high school and the parents of his team mates were a very congenial group. We socialized as a group, both parents and kids, during high school, and now that they are all off at various schools we still socialize at vacation breaks. It has been very hard for me to get away from high school sporting events, but now at least I don’t feel the need to travel to the geographically undesirable events!</p>
<p>When D was in 9th grade, a bunch of us got together and started a book club just for parents of kids in that class. We continued it all through high school, and when they graduated (2006) we decided to keep it going. We meet once a month, and it’s been a wonderful way to keep in touch with other parents and find out how all the kids are doing.</p>
<p>We do still see the parents–it’s the teachers and coaches we’re saying goodbye to. I know it’s time.</p>
<p>My mother is chair of the board of trustees at the school I went to for thirteen years. My three older siblings went there as well. I think my mom will give up the chair soon. She will continue as a lifelong member of the board, I believe, but I’m not sure how active she will be. I suspect that at first she will stay away in order to let the new chair grow into the position, but I hope she continues to stay involved. The school was a major part of our lives. Right now I can’t see a time when it will feel “right” to move on from that school. I feel good about that. The school served me very well in numerous ways, and I hope that I can pay some of that back by staying involved in whatever ways I can. </p>
<p>One of the reasons that I feel differently than some of you, I’m guessing, is because I’m not devoted to my school’s activities or even teachers; I’m committed to the school itself. I’d probably feel a little differently if there were a headmaster I had never met and all new teachers–I’d probably feel like an outsider, at least at first–but I still think I would feel devoted to the school as an institution. I’ve watched this school grow, and it made up my life for over a decade. I don’t think that’s something you ever give up completely.</p>
<p>corranged the reason you feel different is because you are a student! You’ve moved on to College with new adventures. We parents are generally in the same place and it’s much tougher to reinvent ourselves when everyone knows the old us. I cried on my youngest son’s last day of elementary school. I had spent so much time there volunteering and socializing, it was sad to think that that chapter was over. I felt pretty silly because it seemed very selfish. My son was very ready to move on. </p>
<p>That son is now a freshman in High School. Like some of the other’s I’ve also kept in touch with other Mom’s by getting together every couple of months and just talking. I got a job when he started middle school and now that he’s in HS, I’m back into helping with the band. I am not looking forward to his HS graduation.</p>
<p>Bethie, </p>
<p>I can relate, though am further out of HS than you with my kids. Like you, we were very involved in our kids’ many EC endeavors both affiliated with school and outside of school. Basically, our lives revolved around these activities. We were at events or else driving to a practice, etc. daily and in many directions and several things per evening and weekend, between the two kids. And you know, in VT, things are spread out!! We really did enjoy seeing everything they were in. And of course, we’d see the same parents day in day out for years depending on which activity or interest area. </p>
<p>So, when the kids graduated, for one thing, our entire lives changed as we no longer were ruled by their schedules. We no longer had all these things to go to (we even have dinner at dinner time! LOl). We no longer see many of the other parents or not with regularity. There are some things we kept going to. Like I have gone to every musical since my kids left. And our family has attended the annual dance shows for our dance studio since they graduated. Also, since we knew kids a little younger than ours, we enjoyed seeing those kids, except now that my kids are a few years out, the remaining kids are not any peers of theirs and i have a bit less interest in that way. </p>
<p>However, my husband can’t seem to give it up hardly at all. For the first three years D was out of HS, he tried to catch the girls’ HS soccer games. To this day, he goes to every school concert (both our kids were very involved in the music program and various groups). I don’t desire to go to the music concerts even though they are very good. I enjoyed seeing my own kids in it and that was the thrill for me at the time. Even last night, my husband went to catch the fall drama at the HS. I may have considered that, though again, the kids are now beyond my kids’ peer group, and in this case, I had too much work to go last night. He just doesn’t want to miss a thing and occasionally attends the elementary school shows too. I like going back for the HS musical as I like to support it and also my youngest is not that far out and would likely enjoy a report about it. However, when I went last year, I thought it was just so so (also wasn’t a musical I enjoyed too much). I began to wonder…were the shows like that when my kid was in them and we just thought those were great?? LOL or were these just not as good? I actually don’t think it was as good. The school puts on good shows but being a small school, the talent runs in spurts. It was good and I enjoy the efforts but just didn’t seem up to par with the grouping my D was in. I’m sure some bias is in my assessment. I enjoy going back to the dance shows as my girls were at that studio for ten years. I imagine my interest will wane the more years they are out and the kids involved are not ones we know. However, my husband is a die hard and I think he can’t let go of the past and so keeps going to many school events. I thought I would miss it but it is more that I miss it WITH my kids. </p>
<p>However, now with both in college, we go to their events for college. The issue is…we have to travel way further to do so! In fact, as I write this, I am half way to NYC to see D as the lead in a musical at her college in NYC! So, we’re still doing the parent - school activity thing but driving six hours each way to do so. :D</p>
<p>Kathiep, I believe you misunderstood my post. Bethievt said that she felt it was the right time to move on and leave the high school behind. I said that I can’t see myself ever really moving on from my high school (which was also my middle and elementary school), and I can’t see my mother really “moving on” either. It’s not appropriate given our years of commitment to the school. Further, my commitment is to the school itself–not specifically any activities or teachers. Everyone could leave, and I would still be devoted to this school. As I’ve said, I watched my school grow and develop, and I spent thirteen years in those hallways. If I won the lottery, that is where my money would go. I haven’t “moved on,” and I don’t think I need to.</p>
<p>Corranged: How about if the new board chair kicked out your mother? That’s close to what happened to me. It severed my strong emotional connection with my 5-12 school almost instantly. I have gone back a few times since the offending guy was himself given the boot, but it’s never been the same.</p>
<p>I’ve already started the process of this detachment. I’s been going on since D started driving… I found myself attending fewer and fewer of her events because of that. At first, it felt really weird, but I soon found that I can fill that newfound time with other meaningful activities.</p>
<p>This year, HS sports for some reason were not D’s top priority, and I did not go to every game like I used to. Did not feel too guilty about it. D, however, was pretty appreciative of my cheering (used to be, “Mom, you think that was great? Come on, we totally sucked!” - eye roll).</p>
<p>Its fine to stay with a school for decades I suppose, that is what can keep it strong, but there is nothing wrong with moving on -taking what you have learned and using that knowledge to help another institution</p>
<p>and corranged, it is wonderful that you love your school and your loyalty lies there, but don’t be surprised about that shifting a bit when you go to college, when you are working and when you have your own kids…and don’t be surprised if your school isn’t right for one of your kids, that happens quite a lot</p>
<p>for me, I have already started doing things more and more that don’t involve the school…and it feels really cool actually!!!</p>
<p>
At this point, I see this as unlikely. My mother has been quite successful, and she was the one who recently approached the headmaster and mentioned that he should be on the look-out for new heads. She’s pretty non-controversial, and she gets along with everyone (which is the opposite of my father). Since she’s been chair, the school has raised money for and built several new buildings as well as entered in a new headmaster. Anyway, I still think that I would feel a commitment to the school, and I think she would too. She is extraordinarily level-headed–I am not, but I still care very much about the school. It’s not perfect, and it has a long way to go, but its the best for its area and has a lot of potential. I’ve worked in non-profits for a couple of years now, so I know pretty well how internal politics often work. But when it comes to these organizations, even if someone is forced out, the issue and the ultimate mission remain the same as they were the day before. I wouldn’t discard four children’s educations, my own thirteen years, and the people there for internal politics; this school has potential that reaches far further than these relatively petty matters–this school has the (proven) potential to influence and change lives. If my mother is a member of the board but some member has forced her out, well, that is a problem within the board. It’s not necessarily a problem with the organization itself. I’ve seen almost complete board changes; they are hard to witness, but the mission remains.</p>
<p>CGM, I’m currently in my second year of college, so I’m not really fresh from high school. In fact, I’ve “dropped” most of my high school friends and formed closer relationships with friends from college. But it’s impossible to turn on so many years of life, and I don’t think you should. I am utterly convinced that my school has pure missions, so I support it fully. I hold many members of the administration and faculty close to my heart, but most of all I value the education granted to me by a school devoted to intellectual and personal development, care of students, and the strive for excellence and achievement. </p>
<p>I don’t intend for this school to be right for my kids. Though I hope to have kids, they may not be in my future, and I do doubt my (rather limited) hometown would be in their future. I do hope, though, that if I have children they can go to a school where they are cared for, appreciated, and most of all respected–as human beings, as children and teenagers, and as scholars. Any institution that does that has my respect. My school did, which is why they get a yearly donation from me for their annual fund. </p>
<p>I hope, CGM, that I do not forget my past. I spent more time in those hallways than anywhere else, and the school deserves more than for me to let those hallways fade away in my memory. I hope that one day I do have money to donate to those causes about which I care the most, including the school I grew up in and several other groups, which will likely change over time. This non-profit worked itself into my heart years ago; I hope this school, a prime example of what an educational institution should be, never “shifts” from my priorities.</p>
<p>Um… and when reading my post please remember that it’s a Friday night…</p>
<p>I was thinking about this so much last night, as I watched the second to last night of our high school musical, which has been such an integral part of all of our lives over the past four years. I have never been one to feel maudlin or teary about “passages”…when other parents cried at kindergarten drop off, or when their kids started middle school, etc., I didn’t get it. I reveled in each new exciting opportunity for me kids. </p>
<p>And I do on this one too…kind of. However, I have loved every single musical performance, and it is a part of my life too, not just my son’s. I have loved getting to know the other music parents, and sharing our joy in our kids’ accomplishments. I would be lying to say that this doesn’t feel bittersweet to me, because while I am thrilled for the next opportunities for him, I cannot deny the loss that I will feel, in not being a part of those performances, if only by virtue of being the mother. I can still attend, but then I am just another community member, with less invested in the whole process.</p>
<p>So, I hear you completely, BethieVt. I still have the performances of this year, but at each one, I feel myself saying, “it’s the last fall concert”, “the last musical”, the last whatever. It really is part of the process of letting them go, and moving on with whatever is next, but no one said it would be easy.</p>
<p>Soozie</p>
<p>That’s EXACTLY how I feel! The musical was good this year with a few stand-out performers, but it didn’t have the sense of cohesive excellence that it has had the last four years. And though I’m a very biased parent, I don’t think that’s the whole story, because my son has never had the starring roles–though of course his presence in the cast probably added a level of sparkle in my eyes. I think the groups of talent do come in waves. I’ll probably keep going to the plays but of course it won’t feel the same.</p>
<p>Bunsen Burner</p>
<p>I was very aware of how the car started weaning me from my son, because I no longer saw the rehearsals of things, just the performances and some activities I had no connection with at all. Just as well, I know, because I had to start the process sometime.</p>
<p>I was on the school board of my son’s K-12 school–a great school with wonderful teachers–but the minute my son left for HS, my heart had moved down the road. I saw most of his teachers at a party recently and that was nice, but I realized that I was feeling some closure happening.</p>
<p>Corranged, it’s nice that you feel that attachment to your school. I’ll always feel some sort of bond to our local schools and some gratitude, but the torch has been passed to a new generation of parents. As it should be.</p>
<p>Allmusic</p>
<p>I used to go to every single dress rehearsal and performance and loved every minute. I wish I could see every college thing, but he’s a 20 hour drive or 2 flights away. It does feel like a loss. It’s just not the same watching other people’s kids perform.</p>
<p>Wow, I was just having some of these same thoughts this week. </p>
<p>S1, a college jr. played football fresh.and soph.year but didn’t continue after that and was not super involved in other high sch. activities. He was very involved with his part-time job and friends and once he started driving was always out with friends or working…neither activity requiring my presence or too much attention. When he left for college , I felt no disconnect because S2, three years younger was still at same high sch.</p>
<p>Now, the hard part…S2 is now a senior. He started playing football at 11, was a starter all 4 years of high school…so much of our life has revolved around football. He played his final game last Friday night…his team lost in the state playoffs by one TD. They were driving for the winning TD when time ran out. They finished the season with the best record in school history. It was a magical ride for everyone involved. </p>
<p>It’s just all been so special but now it’s over. Even though he still has almost 3 quarters of his senior year left, I have already have a feeling of disconnect. H reminds me that we can still go to games next year but somehow I can’t imagine myself being very interested knowing that S2 won’t be running out on the field. I’m sure we’ll go but it won’t be the same.</p>
<p>Yeah, exactly. I never thought my life was flat and boring before my son was born, but as soon as he was, he became the most interesting thing in my life. I have other interests and activities and relationships, but nothing is quite like this one. Is this what grandchildren are for?</p>
<p>Packmom, my son had just a triumphant senior year also–one great thing after another, including a state championship. I thought I was doing so well with his leaving, but I’m starting to realize how much has left along with him.</p>
<p>Packmom- DD had the same type of finale- spring sport, 11th & 2th grade, varsity, starter, captain, MVP, yadayada, won the state champs BOTH years, was the MVP at the tourneys AND ended up playing on several all star teams along the way culminating in playing for the USA junior national team…can you say withdrawel when she left for college!!!</p>
<p>Luckily for me, she played her freshman year at college (got all american too!!) and I only saw some of the games as she is far away. By the time she had surgery and took time off, I was more accustomed to living without the adrenaline, but there is not much that compares to the head rush experienced when your child makes the winning play in the state champs.</p>
<p>Her younger sister is not really an athlete, did a little bit of HS sports, but no passion for it and it took a while to learn to be satisfied without my fix of sports glory, but we’ve learned to cherish the different aspects of life with youngests interests…and now she will head off to college next fall.</p>
<p>Giving up high level sports, or I suppose any high level EC passion does make a hole in your week. We did continue to support the school team in Ds sport as long as we knew kids on the team, but no longer go to games as they have all graduated now.</p>
<p>somemom, you are so right. I can’t even describe the anticipation of the “Friday night lights”. A local photographer followed our team this year and took great shots of the games. I spent this weekend printing out the pics so I can put together a football album of S’s senior year. It’s a weird feeling knowing it’s over. </p>
<p>S got letters of interest for football at some small schools but he’s not interested in playing college football. He will be a fan from now on.</p>
<p>I’m sure I’ll go to some of the high sch. games next year when he’s gone. He was the only senior on the D-line this year so I’ll have to keep tabs on the other guys for him…it just won’t be the same though.</p>
<p>I wonder, if your student didn’t do the sports thing- with their ECs for the Parents not so time consuming to watch- is the transition easier?</p>
<p>I don’t see myself going back to watch the schools drama, sports, or much of anything- maybe some of the mom’s/alumni family stuff</p>
<p>I have a friend whose son has been sort of the center of the family’s attention for pretty much ever because of his sports involvement- every weekend it was all about him</p>
<p>Their D, well, she was often an after thought, though no one really thought of it that way</p>
<p>NOW, the son is playing sports in college and once again, many weekends are all about him- no just hanging with the D, doing what interests her</p>
<p>For instance, this weekend there was a fashion show and her mom didn’t want to miss one of her son’s games, and though her D wanted to see the fashion show, D wanted to be with her mom, so off to the brother’s sports event</p>
<p>What harm to do for the D and miss a game?</p>
<p>For me, i will help out my Ds HS, but my interests will be a bit focused at that point on volunteering etc in a different arena</p>