<p>There was a family wedding for which we (and several others) were, apparently, intended to be invited to the reception, but not to the ceremony. The invitation wasn’t really clear, and the results were a bit embarrassing.</p>
<p>Years ago inviting to the ceremony and not the reception was not unheard of, however it’s considered quite rude and inconsiderate today. Reception only is a completely different story and is frequently done - lots of times couples have only a small ceremony or perhaps it took place out of town or earlier. </p>
<p>You are correct, younghoss, that OP did reference a reception invitation. I am not clear if it was separate, but it really doesn’t matter. People frequently do a separate reception insert, but the rules for determining who was invited remain the same either way. </p>
<p>The monkey wrench, of course, is the very unfortunate phrase “Adult Reception” which is not supposed to be there in the first place. It’s redundant since one is not supposed to bring uninvited guests. It’s inhospitable since an invitation is supposed to invite, not exclude people ( especially people you’ve just invited by way of their name on the envelope). But since it IS there, it needs to be cleared up.</p>
<p>Fendergirl, I agree with CTTC unless the friends were all hosting the reception. One is supposed to have the wedding one can afford, even if it’s just cake and punch.</p>
<p>And that’s why I say you don’t know what’s going on because there is a whole other family on the groom’s side. </p>
<p>For all we know, the groom’s side just had a wedding recently that was made miserable by many poorly managed children who squalled through the ceremony, tripped the waitstaff at the reception, stepped on the bride’s dress hem during the dancing with muddy feet. Perhaps his family is the clueless kind that needs a 2x4 phrase hit squarely between their eyes to take notice of any guidance. The groom, taking a measure of his family, told the bride and to protect her, together they came up with this unfortunate phrase.</p>
<p>If I had that kind of situation, I might also write “Adult Reception… grrr!” on the invitation, just to be sure it didn’t happen twice. </p>
<p>When in doubt, I say: blame the other family for whatever etiquette breaches trouble you. It’s so much easier.</p>
<p>The last wedding I went to was my cousin’s. They invited family and extremely close friends only to the wedding. My cousin-in-law wanted to get married in the same church that her parents did and the church was very, VERY tiny. It was an old, small church in a once-rural Minnesota town. There were probably a few hundred people at the reception. They wrote this all in a note with the reception invitation and I felt that the way that they did it was in very good taste. The wedding was literally less than a half hour long and everything else was done at the reception. </p>
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<p>This made me LOL.</p>
<p>If your invitation does not specifically include your D, she is not invited. It should be addressed to Mr and Mrs. John Doe and Miss/Ms. Sally Doe if she is invited. Don’t be surprised when you leave your D home (if you decide to attend) and all these other people show up with kids. My nephew excluded all of his first cousins under the age of eighteen and since it was an out of town wedding, we opted not to attend. Other siblings who went, said there were kids and even babies there who weren’t even related!!! This really upset my brother and I, since our kids are well behaved, and blood cousins and our family is very close. Guess who got the flack about not attending??? My brother and I !!! Even though it meant leaving our kids home alone and travelling out of town without them. And even the siblings who attended were excluded from the rehearsal dinner, including the sibling that flew in with my very elderly mother, and then the bridal party didn’t even arrange for transportation to get her to the rehearsal dinner or from the airport …and my sister had to drop mom off and then leave! (not invited) How tacky! This wedding cost at least 100k…so money was not the issue! And then my brother and wife blamed it all on the in-laws!!! Our family was the never the same after that fiasco!</p>
<p>100K? I know this happens, but I simply cannot fathom why anyone would want to do this.</p>
<p>Marybee, I really wonder if we are related</p>
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If you have the money, why not?</p>
<p>We figured DW’s cousin’s wedding easily cost $250K, and there was only 200 people there. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever been to.</p>
<p>4 bands. 6 ft tall centerpieces covered from top to bottom in roses. 2 dedicated servers per table. A team of 6 people parking cars. Open bar, endless wine on the table. They did it in the bride’s father’s backyard. At the last minute, the weather turned awful, so they tented the entire back yard with 4 tents - the main tent, the pre-dinner text, the kitchen tent, and the bathroom tent, with connecting passages. The bathroom tent had portable toilets that were nicer than what I have in my house. Etc.</p>
<p>It was incredible. :D</p>
<p>fendergirl, I have not been to a wedding like you describe but it sounds terrific. So much less stress for everyone. I like this idea a lot.</p>
<p>I didn’t mean to sound snarky. I just can’t imagine spending that much on a wedding. I don’t know anyone in our area (and certainly not my family) who could spend that much on a wedding, or would if they could. Then again, we’re very very far from “cover your plate” land. I have no idea what venues/food/bands cost on the east coast…and probably don’t want to know 
Booze is expensive everywhere!</p>
<p>My niece’s wedding was six figures. It was a unique and special event in that it was all about the visual impression it left, rather than the experience. It was like the bride was stage managing her own reality show where it was all staged and choreographed. It was, however, miserably uncomfortable, a fact commented upon even by people who were happy to be there. I have been to very lavish weddings at which the hosts pulled out all stops to ensure their guests’ comfort and enjoyment. Of course, I have been to weddings that were not lavish but whose hosts were sensitive to their guests’ enjoyment and comfort. Class shows no matter how much is spent.</p>
<p>Wondering what could have been “miserably uncomfortable” about such a lavish affair?</p>
<p>As I’m in the middle of a whirlwind planning of our own, I’m intensely interested in all these different kinds of wedding. We’re hoping to keep our D’s in the low 5 figures (as close to not more than 10 as possible) which seems really a lot to me (certainly more than the lovely lowkey weddings some people have described), but when I hear of these 6 figure ones, well, whew!</p>
<p>I’m taking mental notes of everything that bothers/gladdens folks, as we work toward making a smallish but hopefully gracious, pretty, and comfortable experience for all who share it with us. Oh, and as fun as humanly possible!</p>
<p>My DHs cousins wedding was well over $250k almost ten years ago. It was black tie and it was adult only. DH and i happily engaged my mom to watch our three kids for the weekend and had a wonderful time. His sister refused to leave her kids at home with ‘that much family together at once’ and brought them anyway. The only other child was the brides stepsister…5yo. Yes, the man paying for the $250k wedding gets to bring his other daughter (second marriage). The bride & groom had so many personal touches that they had personally done we thought made it really special. This may be more common now but I’d never seen the guests light sparklers during the champagne toast…so fun!</p>
<p>Abasket, I hope it works out well. You mentioned there is bad blood in the family. Perhaps its not that bad since they invited you all to the wedding 
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<p>LOL - I eloped. $1500 covered the preacher in the park on the river, the photographer, the roll of film, the video tape, the dress, the veil and bouquet (I made them), and the honeymoon. It was glorious. And there was no stress.</p>
<p>Got married in my mom’s living room. 1000 covered the food the drink the flowers my dress and everything else. But that was 30 years ago.</p>
<p>CTTC - “Does this happen now? The response card has a number already on it? I thought that was supposed to be filled in by the invitee (not to add add’l attendees, but to specify if all invitees could not come)?”</p>
<p>I put a “__ seats have been reserved in your honor” on my response cards, in addition to the “__ guests will be attending” at the bottom. I also specifically wrote the name of every person invited on the inner envelope. This is because my fiance’s father is known for showing up with uninvited guests. This way, the invitations will be abundantly clear about who is invited (not like the invitations that inspired this thread). We suspect that his father will attempt to bring his second wife’s family even though my fiance has only met them once and his father remarried when he was in college (so they didn’t play a role in his upbringing). </p>
<p>UCDAlum82 - The wedding forum you are alluding to is the same one I often allude to. :)</p>
<p>Garland, ours was 16 years ago. I think I could do the same thing for under $2500 today easily.</p>
<p>I don’t understand and can’t relate to paying 6 figures for a wedding…or even over $20,000 really. I don’t think I could bring myself to do it.</p>
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Again, that pesky word “should.” The invitation in this case reads “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and family,” as I recall from the first post. Obviously, that means somebody other than Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. There’s no doubt in my mind that all the Ds are invited to the wedding–the only issue is whether the 16-year-old is also invited to the reception.</p>