<p>As some of you know, I’m getting married in a few months here…I’m now in the heat of pleasing people (grrr…)! I was hoping the wise and intouch parents of CC could be of some assistance to me in my time of need :).</p>
<p>My fiance’s mother is bugging me to find a place for guests to stay and secure a group rate. Is this the norm? I’ve only been to one wedding (fiance was in the wedding party and they didn’t do this for us) and my parents were married in a courthouse (no help there). The wedding is going to be quite small, we are restricted to 30 guests by the location, so it’s not like we are going to be having a lot of people (though it is out of town for everyone except us, the couple). Is it normal to secure group rates at a hotel for such a small wedding?</p>
<p>The other thing I’ve been working on is securing a location for a reception. We are looking for very low-key, again 30 guests max, cash bar, my mom was thinking $20/person max. Is this reasonable? I’m seriously unsure of going rates and from what I’ve seen online, it can get very expensive very fast. </p>
<p>One last thing I’m worrying about now is the cost of a photographer. Does anyone know what range of prices to expect?</p>
<p>Gah! I thought having a small wedding would take some pain off of me to plan it. So far all we have ironed out completely is the location of the service. We may have got lucky on finding a clergyperson to marry us (we are getting married the day before Easter, not an easy time to find a pastor), the wife of a student in my department is an associate pastor, so I think we finally have that covered.</p>
<p>It’s so hard since I’m a novice at weddings and none of my family can be of any help :(.</p>
<p>Thanks in advance for any advice you may have for me!</p>
<p>Haha, I’m just jealous that you’re not planning a wedding at Boston prices. I don’t even want to tell you what the going rates are for receptions and photographers here, because I’m sure they have no relation to what you’ll be seeing. At least I hope so.</p>
<p>The hotel group rate shouldn’t be too much of a hassle, although a lot of hotels I’ve contacted aren’t giving me better rates than what guests can find themselves on travel websites. I think it can just be convenient for you to have all of your guests at the same place.</p>
<p>It’s a nice gesture to your guests–and a lot more fun–if you get a group rate. Go by the nearest hotel during a weekday and ask to see a room. If it’s okay, ask what the group rate would be for your weekend. Then include a note about that in your wedding invitations or your phone calls to people. The whole thing should take about 10 minutes. Group rates are appropriate any time you have more than two rooms.</p>
<p>You will deal with your future MIL for a LONG LONG time; doing a few things that don’t take much time is the least you can expect.</p>
<p>If you don’t want to pay a photographer, don’t. You can ask a friend to take pictures, leave cameras around, whatever you want. </p>
<p>Keeping any event under $20/person is difficult. (I just went to a $16.50/person Christmas party at Billy McHales, a dreadful local rib place.) Having a cash bar is tacky (IMO), but it’s perfectly reasonable to just serve a reasonably priced champagne/sparkling wine. There are some nice ones at around $15/bottle (seriously) and with 30 guests, you’d only need about 10 bottles (which would allow 2 glasses/person). If you want really low-key and low-cost, see if there’s a nice reception room at the church that you can rent, and have your cake and champagne there. Or see if there’s a restaurant with a private room near the church.</p>
<p>Don’t let anyone bully you into spending more than you can afford; starting a marriage with debt is not a great beginning.</p>
<p>LOL, yeah I know! My parents could never afford a Boston wedding. I’ve been amazed at what your parents are able to do for you!</p>
<p>dmd77:</p>
<p>Thanks, that makes me feel a bit better. I’ll probably check some places out over winter break. Do you know if they typically require you to reserve a certain number of rooms, or do you give a party name for them to reserve the rooms at their own leisure?</p>
<p>Also, I really wanted an open bar for at least an hour, but my parents needed to cut the budget and that’s what goes first! They are even hesitant to pay for a toast, but I’m going to try to sweet talk them into it. If worst comes to worst, I’ll pay for it (for a long time, but I’ll do it).</p>
<p>We did the cameras on the table thing for my sweet 16 party, it worked out great. I was thinking about doing the same, but I’d like something at least semi-professional for the formal pictures. Maybe I’ll talk to the graphic artist in the department, she may have some ideas.</p>
<p>I hope not to go into debt for the wedding, my parents are paying for most of it and his parents for a bit of it as well. This is part of the reason we are going so small.</p>
<p>I’ll weigh in as a former hotel manager and hotel sales person who has done tons of these events…
Photographer: is there a photography school or university with a graphic arts department where you might find a struggling student willing to do some pics for cheap? </p>
<p>Open Bar:
Bag it! With a small wedding, it will be nicer if people stay sober enough to remember it. I would do a toast, but do not have bottles left on the tables. Just pay for the servers to pour enough bubbly for each person to have enough in their glass for the toast itself, then take the bottles away! They will do it if you ask. Otherwise, they will leave on the table and charge you for each bottle. </p>
<p>Hotel rooms:
You should be able to find a hotel to reserve a small amount of rooms under your name and the grooms. Don’t forget to give them both names. They should be willing to hold them up to 30 days prior to the ceremony with everyone calling in with their own credit card. Do not book rooms that you have to hold or guarantee with your own card. </p>
<p>Music:
You didnt’ ask, but if you need music, check out graduate students in the music department at your university.</p>
<p>ebeeeee has some good suggestions. A couple of my own, gleaned from planning one wedding and two bar mitzvahs.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>I do think that out-of-town guests deserve a little bit of extra special attention (but a little, not a lot). Once you’ve given them the info on the hotels, do they need directions from hotel to the wedding location, reception, etc? That is best provided in written format before the wedding. Beg off any requests for you to set up their transportation. Also, we didn’t have a rehearsal dinner, but invited all out-of-town guests to our house the evening before the wedding for dessert.</p></li>
<li><p>Ask a friend to be the contact for other people and any logistics the day of the wedding. Even with a small group, there will be people who have last minute needs.</p></li>
<li><p>FYI. Buffets are more expensive than served meals. </p></li>
<li><p>In our area, the public parks have the most reasonably priced locations for weddings and events. Contact the parks and recreation office.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>And finally, kudos to you for having a small wedding in this day of extravagance and excess</p>
<p>It is a nice gesture to have hotel rooms reserved at a moderately priced hotel fairly near the service & reception. As has been said, most hotels are happy to work with you to hold rooms in your & groom’s name at no charge to you that guests can guarantee with their credit card. </p>
<p>Churches and schools and community centers & Ys often have low cost meeting or function rooms where you can hold a small reception. Not sure what the weather is like around that time of year for an outdoor reception, but suspect it might be dicey (they’re somewhat popular in HI). Sometimes restaurants will let you rent the place (or a private room) for a light lunch or dessert. For example, we’ve had parties of 30 or so in a small room of a restaurant for about $20/person (including tax & tip) for lunch, so it can be done. This makes it easy because they serve food, set things up & clean up for you. Some even allow you to bring your own drinks at no extra charge.</p>
<p>NYC weddings are ridiculous. I echo the congratulatory sentiments you received about doing your wedding your way.</p>
<p>I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a cash bar as long as the guests know about it in advance so they can bring $. Agree with reserving a block of rooms for out of town guests. Also remember that oftentimes the OOT guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner (my niece’s had about 40 people last June) and that can get quite expensive.</p>
<p>In this digital age where you can see the photos instantly, I personally would cut back on that expense. Niece had a family friend do hers and they were just fine. Wedding pictures can easily cost thousands of dollars, and how many do you really need anyway? Let your money follow your heart, and good luck to you. Congratulations!</p>
<p>Add HI to the list of outrageous wedding destinations. It’s not unusual to spend $50-100+/guest, with 300-750 guests. At my wedding in the 80s, it was HUGE & most of the guests were friends of our parents + the firm I worked at & folks who had invited hubby to their wedding, plus our extended families, of course.
It is good to budget & have a wedding that makes YOU & hubby happy. In our case, we kept our parents happy & were happy enough as well (allowed everyone to pay the expenses for guests they invited).</p>
<p>My wedding was out of town for nearly everyone as we had it at West Point a year after H’s graduation. I had just graduated from Carnegie Mellon 3 weeks earlier. The majority of both of our families are from Greater Boston. I can’t remember if rooms were reserved.</p>
<p>Because of all the risk management and liability issues we had been taught in my sorority, I was very much against any cash or open bar at all at the reception. There was champagne served for the toast and that was it. I think the Hotel Thayer (the hotel on post) had a bar down the hall available to all guests and that it happened to be open during the hours of the reception. So those who were “desperate” for a drink could get one.</p>
<p>I remember going to a college friend’s wedding years ago. Her parents were not well off, and money was very tight. They rented an historic hall in the old part of the city, and served champagne for the toast, and had two elderly aunts serving the punch which was a great honor for them. There were little pastries like petits fours and cheese and crackers and simple foods like that that were laid out on a side table. They had some sort of combo play who were students at the local college, and the whole thing was charming and “classy”. ( I hate that word, but it fits here. ) It showed me at a young age that money doesn’t equal class. I’ll never forget that wedding.</p>
<p>Sounds like a lovely, tasteful and very memorable affair. I remember one in the family’s backyard that sounds a lot like the one you describe. I also remember one that was held in a community center that was also inexpensive, very informal & intimate. Both created many loving memories & a good time was had by all.</p>
<p>You certainly couldn’t do $20 a person here, but I don’t know Wisconsin. Read Miss Manners on weddings. She’ll tell you if you can’t afford dinner to do tea or appetizers. I agree that enough champagne for a toast would be nice. We found reasonably prices by being current students at Caltech when we got married. The social hall of our religious organization only costs a couple of hundred to rent out and has a kitchen where caterers can warm up things - I imagine you can find similar deals where you are. Senior center is very reasonable in our town, rowing club a little less so.</p>
<p>Yeah, I think I’ll check the art department, possibly ask for them to put an add in their weekly newsletter (if they do email-distributed newletters, my department surely does) for photography. We may have a friend do some stuff who is into media arts, but he’ll be the best man, so someone else will have to take care of the ceremony. Maybe my uncle has a knack for photography, he is a working artist (murals) in Nantucket.</p>
<p>Now, my fiance said that his family could pick up some slack if my family can’t afford to do the entire reception. I’m not so sure my father would be keen on this, as it would hurt his ‘masculinity’ and he would probably go over the top (though they can’t afford it). Suggestions as to how to deal with this?</p>
<p>Too bad I’m not having it back home or else I’d have lots of contacts through my parents (though they are the ones who were insistant I have it here). Also, I have been focusing on sit-down places, as I don’t think we have enough to make a buffet worthwhile (and the wedding I went to had a buffet and I found it kind of odd).</p>
<p>I guess my fiance and I should start visiting prospective resturants and eat some of their food when we can afford to, as we haven’t gotten to get much of anywhere since we’ve only lived here 4 months.</p>
<p>Sometimes private caterers can have really good prices for food. Maybe some culinary arts students could do the catering? When we lived in the Midwest, the best food to be had then was by the students at the Hotel & Restaurant Management School.</p>
<p>Another way to cut costs may be to have a lovely brunch or breakfast type of meal instead of a lunch or dinner type of reception. You may be able to get closer to your targeted per person price that way, although I don’t know how reasonable your expectations are at that price point in your area. A side benefit would be that people will expect much less alcohol at this time of day. IMO having a cash bar is an etiquette no-no, since these are your invited guests (who are not supposed to have to pay for themselves). Yes, there are people who do it today anyway, but you are virtually guaranteed to have some people be critical if you do. If it were me, I’d provide what I could afford. Just be aware that at some venues, they won’t permit you to bring in your own champagne or wine, since they make big profits on the drinks. </p>
<p>As far as reserving rooms, this is really just done as a convenience for your guests and there should be no problem with doing so at most places. At most hotels you are not obligated and should not have to put down any kind of deposit or guarantee, as ebeeeee mentioned. You can set aside any number of rooms until a given date, by which the guests must book to receive that rate. Again, you should not have to make up the difference if there are not a certain number of rooms booked. </p>
<p>Good luck with all your planning. Hope it is an easy, fun and stress free time for you. Best wishes!!</p>
<p>Yes, breakfast/brunch is often less expensive & has some very nice options. The food cooked by our local Community College Food Service students is also outstanding & considered fine dining. I don’t know if they cater, but they do run several nice dining rooms in our town.</p>
<p>I have heard of the groom’s family paying for one specific part of the reception. I have been to a reception where the groom’s family paid the bar bill and another one where the grooms family paid for the band.</p>
<p>Oh, both sets of families are paying for our wedding – makes it half as expensive for anybody. My mom really doesn’t like it (“it’s not done”), but I got all it’s my day and told her that each family would be paying approximately half. As my MIL says, it’s his day too! :)</p>
<p>For our wedding, as the bride & groom, we paid for the wedding expenses & rehearsal dinner & honeymoon. We let each person pay for the guests they invited (my folks, his folks, & us). No one grumbled about it & it worked out fine. I believe that’s how things worked with all the weddings in our family, but I’m not POSITIVE (never discussed it). Probably it depends a lot on everyone’s finances–hubby & I had quite a bit saved & both sets of parents wanted to invite literally hundreds of friends.</p>
I don’t even want to tell you what the going rates are for receptions and photographers here, because I’m sure they have no relation to what you’ll be seeing. At least I hope so.</p>