Wedding gift etiquette

It has been a while since I’ve been invited to a shower & a wedding. Does one send a gift for both? On the gift registry for the shower many items are in the $200 range. If I chose one of those, am I also expected to send a wedding gift? If so, then I’ll pick items more in the $100 range.
Thx for opinions and advice.

Here is what I do…

For close friends and relatives…if I am invited to the shower and wedding, I send a gift for each one (a separate gift). Usually from on the registry, but if I know the couple very well, sometimes not.

For others…I get a shower gift only if I am able to attend the shower. I usually send a wedding gift regardless of whether I attend or not.


I agree with @thumper1 , which is what I do. With the caveat that under no circumstances (excepting maybe skibro) am I spending $200 on a shower gift. If nothing on the registry is below $100, then they will be getting a very nice Hamilton Beach blender. :joy:


Also agree with Thumper. And that $200 for a shower gift is over the top!


Gift for both if attending both, registry for shower (not $200), and check for the wedding (no one gives gifts here).

I give a gift for each if invited whether I can attend or not. This is what my mom always did and I was surprised at our wedding to find that some didn’t even send a card if not attending. We did not have a large wedding and kept the list to people we really knew, not friends/coworkers of parents, etc. I just thought everyone at least sent a card to acknowledge that they had been invited.

I almost always give a gift from the registry if I attend a bridal shower/engagement party. I will sometimes buy a gift for a shower/engagement party if I am particularly close to someone even if i can’t go. BUT I don’t spend $200. If $200 is the lowest priced registry item I’d look elsewhere-- perhaps a nice bottle of champagne and two champagne flutes or something along those lines. Or see if you know someone who is wiling to split the cost of a registry gift with you.

IMO the bride and groom should act thoughtfully and create a registry with gifts at different price points so people can spend whatever they are comfortable with. My D’s registry had items ranging from $15 through $425.

I always give a check for the wedding regardless of if I attend or not (although I give more for a function I do attend). Although I will add that some of my friends got my D and SIL an expensive gift from their registry as a wedding present so that is more common that I thought (and is totally fine).


I wouldn’t give a $200 shower gift, even for loved ones. That’s just greedy and over the top, imho.

I have given gifts along the lines of what is in a registry. I usually give a gift for the shower and a check with card for wedding or sometimes a gift for wedding, depending.

We usually only give a $200 wedding gift for very close friends and family.

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You have all been the best possible help. So, my friend’s dog’s name is Martini, and on the list from C&B were martini glasses. I ordered the quantity the couple wanted, and that was less than $100. This led to a cute (I think) note. So now I feel better about the wedding registry.

I only include the name of the dog because I know these people would never ever be on CC

I believe I posted cuz I first looked at the Bloomies registry, and was surprised by the almost all high end items. My GF is paying for the wedding, shower, and brunch, etc., for these kids in their 30’s. It may sound terrible, but I would have given them a budget and then plan a lovely affair.


If registry items are too pricey, one option is to give a gift card for the store. That way the couple can pool gift cards to purchase the top priority item(s).


I think of shower gifts as no more than $100 bucks or so, and less is really fine. If it’s someone I barely know and get invited I might not send gift, but usually I’d send at least a token gift.
For wedding we do more, either cash or gift from registry.


I usually make a shower gift a subset of giving for wedding. So if I would allocate $150 for the couple, if invited to shower I might spend $30 on shower gift and then$120 on wedding gift. If for some reason I wanted to spend a lot for a shower, that would be the only wedding gift, but seems that lots are showers are geared to kitchen and small stuff.

Agree that GC is good idea to a store they are registered at. My D has a few large things that she will likely not get from anyone. She is looking forward to applying GC and cash to those things.

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I normally choose a lower cost item from the registry for the shower and a higher cost one for the wedding and have it delivered to whatever address they have on file with the registry.

I was taught that a registry should have a good mix of price points because people spend less on shower gifts than on wedding gifts and there will be people of various economic backgrounds invited and we don’t want anyone to stay away because of the cost of a gift.

Also, it is common in my group of family and friends for the aunties to go together and buy one of the higher priced items from 4-6 people. This may be more common at baby showers where several will go together to buy the stroller or changing table or something.


I have seen some registries recently that are so small in quantity of item choices!

I think it’s interesting what thought goes into selecting a shower/wedding actual gift item from a registry. For instance one of the last things I’d ever choose to buy for a couple is towels or similar linens. Don’t know why but that seems like such an unexciting gift! Maybe it’s the gift I’d least like to receive, I don’t know!

I’m a fan of getting kitchen items like a small appliance (crockpot, toaster oven) from the registry or something that is maybe not needed as much but WANTED. Our Godchild had Ugg Blankets on her registry. I found it so pleasing to buy one for her and one for her husband. Not a NEEDED item but felt like a splurge (it was on their registry) and would be so enjoyed. How much can you enjoy a towel?!!! :wink:


I don’t know. I guess I kind of enjoy having a towel handy when I get out of the shower. :grin:

They are boring, though needed items.


Lots of wedding registries lately are all different funds—honeymoon fund, house fund and no items.

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FWIW my D recently got married and she and SIL bought a house. They were thrilled to get the towels (and other seemingly boring items) from their registry. It gave me a new perspective.


My daughter was recently in a wedding and even she thought the items on the registry were strange. A snow shovel, a cat scratching tower, a table, a power pack to charge electronics. They did have a wide range of prices.

So many couples don’t really need anything so the registry is not cohesive, like china or bedding (or my favorite, towels!). Many years ago a co-worker got married and every single item on her registry had already been purchased. She really didn’t need more than that because she lived in an apartment and couldn’t fit any more into it. We all chipped in and got her all the serving dishes to the set she registered for.

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LOL… maybe that’s because couples can easily get china from downsizing parents or overloaded thriftshops. But that’s a topic for the BagAweek thread :wink:


Excellent registry list! :+1: