<p>riverrunner, it depends. In some areas, gifts are not given for the wedding. The gifts on the registry are given for the shower and checks or cash in that amount would be given at the wedding.</p>
<p>I usually stay around fifty but it varies. If it’s me and a guest then it would be more. Haven’t been to a wedding in a few years but I have three this fall.</p>
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<p>Most of these dollar amounts sound high for our section of the country. When DD married, within the past couple years, gift amounts were mostly in the $60 to $120 range, with close relatives higher - and of course they incurred many expenses for travel and events surrounding the big day. We in NO way judged people by the amount they gave, because we knew people’s private situations vary so much and you can’t really know what else they’re juggling.</p>
<p>I don’t give money, have never given money, and probably never will. So it is pretty much irrelevant. We certainly have discussed this many times, though, so there are a range of opinions available if you look back a bit! :)</p>
<p>Julie, not obnoxious in the least. Actually, I’ve been wondering how your planning was going. Tempted to revive your thread! :D</p>
<p>zooser, so if I’m invited to a shower (which I won’t be able to go to because it will be far away) it would be good to send a $100 gift and then a check at the wedding for the balance?</p>
<p>Just reread your post and it sounds like shower gifts are in addition to the wedding check. While this is affordable for us, it’s also a somewhat outrageous amount. Just trying to understand our culture. And I’m a native.</p>
<p>I generally send a 5-piece place setting of the fine china the couple registered for, which is generally around $150 to $200, sometimes less if there is a sale. Once in a while, if I am very close to the bride or groom, I’ll send two place settings, but the maximum I’ll spend, even for someone very close, is about $300. If the couple registered for extremely expensive china, I might just send a plate or two. I think this is pretty standard. A place setting of china seems to be a standard wedding-gift unit in my social circle.</p>
<p>I’m not a big fan of the registries. I like to give a personally chosen gift (with receipt) and a check. This is because I so enjoy many of the gifts I received at my wedding. For the most recent wedding DH and I attended, I sent the couple a Waterford Christmas ornament and the check was $200 or $250. Don’t remember exactly.</p>
<p>
This is specific (I think) to where I live. Here, it is very common to have an engagement party in a hall ($100 gift), bridal shower(s) (gift from the registry), wedding (cover the plate +), baby shower in a hall (gift from the registry), first birthday party in a hall (cover the plate+) and Sweet 16 parties that are larger and more expensive than many weddings.</p>
<p>My daughter’s boyfriend’s brother is getting married in the summer in another state. My D (first year teacher) went to the engagement party and gave a gift, will be expected to go to at least one shower and provide a gift, travel to Key West, FL for the bachelorette party (we are in NYC) and go to the wedding and more than cover the plate because her boyfriend is the best man.</p>
<p>The Envelope calculator is, IMHO, way off. At least in my world, wedding gifts and costs associated with going to weddings are extras, not something that takes precedence over the normal budget (including savings, emergency fund, and 401(k)). The calculator seems to suggest that my entire yearly slush fund go to a cousin’s wedding. Nothing against my cousins, but it only makes sense if you assume that I’m being rude by not raiding my meagre retirement fund for a wedding gift.</p>
<p>This may be a stupid question… But a male friend of bf and I is getting married. The guys are pretty good friends. They play golf or play tennis once a week when the weather permits so it’s not like they’re the kind of friends who rarely see each other. I work with the guy so were more like work friends. We double date with them occasionally but I’ve only ever met the girl five or six times. The guy is not inviting people from work because he didn’t know where to draw the line and we work for a huge company. Needless to say, bf got an invite and I’m the plus one… Which groom said was fine.</p>
<p>I’m assuming that would mean I don’t attend the bridal shower, since I wasn’t technically invited? I don’t really know her that well. I’m guessing there will be some kind of bachelor party for the guys. I don’t believe there is an engagement party.</p>
<p>What would an appropriate gift be for something like this? I’m so used to going to weddings for my friends where I’m not the plus one! Should I give more of a gift if not attending a shower??</p>
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<p>…and call me crazy, but if hell were to freeze over and I were to get married, I would NOT want my friends and families buying me multiple presents for several rounds of gift-giving occasions. If people want to buy me oven mitts for a small family engagement brunch, fine, but no one would be flying anywhere for a bachelorette party, nor would any young person starting out be expected to shell out plate + for a gift. It’s not anyone’s job to make me feel like a pampered princess; it’s their job to celebrate with me and, if they have the resources, get something well within their budgets. My friends shouldn’t be sweating over bills so I can have china plates. </p>
<p>/rant</p>
<p>(Maybe this is why I’m still single.)</p>
<p>ariesathena, I agree with you. Completely.</p>
<p>Fendergirl, the plus one often gives a small gift, while the actual invitee gives the larger gift. Or you don’t have to give anything at all.</p>
<p>Definitely no to the shower.</p>
<p>Fender girl-- Were you invited to the shower? If so, go if you want to go. As for a present, I think it would be appropriate for you and your boyfriend to send a joint gift if you want to. Or for him to sign your name on the card accompanying his gift. </p>
<p>I think it was thoughtless of the bride to put “plus one” on your boyfriend’s invitation when she knows you are a couple. At the very least, your name should have been included on his invitation.</p>
<p>ariesathena - I couldn’t agree more. Some people even have the audacity to suggest that if you can’t afford to cover plate cost at a wedding, you shouldn’t even go. I don’t get that mentality. We are inviting people to our wedding because they have played a significant role in our lives, either individually or as a couple, not because they will open their wallets to us. I guess it depends on the circle you run in but I couldn’t imagine asking someone to shell out $1000 for a bachelorette trip, $200+ for a dress, etc., but it seems in some circles this is the norm. If I was supposed to be in the bridal party for someone with those kinds of expectations I would kindly step down.</p>
<p>
Oh so you’ve met my niece? The thing that amuses me about this is that my niece looks down on me and mine becuase she runs is more affluent circles, but she clearly had financial concerns about her wedding.</p>
<p>My D, thank God, hopes for a very small wedding someday. As in like 20 people.</p>
<p>I also agree with you, ariesathena. Among my friends and family, it is pretty common for people to give “joint” gifts with the only financial contribution coming from the one who could afford it. So, for example, when my sister was in grad school, I’d often add her name to my gift. I hope people are not buying gifts they can’t afford!</p>
<p>In some circles, if the bride and groom suspect that you can’t give the desired gift, they just don’t invite you even if you are very close to them.</p>
<p>I am not sure if the invite had my name or not. He handled it. I know the save the date had him plus one… I was assuming it was listed like that because they were not technically inviting people from work. Plus I had only met her like once or twice at that point of when he got the save the date. It was kind of funny when he got it… he gave it to me because he didn’t understand why he got an invitation in the form of a post card that didn’t have a place to reply. I had to educate him on what a save the date is and that the actual invitation will come later. 
</p>
<p>We’ve seen them more recently for a few board game nights and I’ve gotten to know her a little better. I have not heard anything on a shower and the wedding is this summer. I’m assuming not invited and that’s fine by me. 
saves me money!!</p>
<p>I figured we would do a joint gift. I’ll let him figure it out but I’m sure he’s going to ask what an appropriate gift is. :)</p>
<p>Julie, the last wedding I was in set me back at least a thousand between the dress and the bachelorette party. I made then a painting for their house as a gift because I couldn’t justify anything extra in terms of cash. </p>
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<p>What’s even more amusing is that this trend has gotten worse as couples have gotten married later, and presumably been less in need of wedding presents to stock their homes. They already have two homes full of stuff to use, but want us to pay for upgrades? Please.</p>
<p>–</p>
<p>My sister is engaged. I tried to beg off being the MOH - the subtext being that (a) I’m not good at girly stuff, and she wants that, and (b) she lives in a different part of the country, and I simply cannot afford to fly there multiple times and host several events. She called and said that she local friends can throw the parties, and all she wants is for me to stand up next to her as she says her vows. Awwww!</p>
<p>Aries, if I could like your post, I would!</p>
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