<p>I like the link. I had a number in mind, and I was within $5 from the calculator.</p>
<p>It’s just dawned on me that many people gave us $50-$100 for our wedding…25 years ago. These were cousins of my parents, etc. We had some more generous gifts as well.</p>
<p>This suggests to me that $100 would not be the right amount for me to be giving as a wedding gift any longer. Will need to revise.</p>
<p>I think for a nephew (our siblings’ son), I would give double of what I would normally give to others (at a minimum).</p>
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<p>H had an aunt and uncle with 4 kids, who were all married by the time H and I got married. H was the last of his siblings to get married, so the family had a history of receiving wedding gifts from this family. There would be one gift from all of them…5 couples/10 people. (And yes, all attended the wedding and reception, and ate and drank their fill.) H’s family couldn’t wait to hear what they got us, just to laugh about how cheap they were. </p>
<p>We received a set of towels - two bath towels, two hand towels, two wash cloths…In today’s dollars, the set would probably cost $50 from a department store or maybe $35 at a place like TJ Maxx…or between $7 - $10 per couple. I really didn’t mind, because one can always use fluffy new beige towels, but H’s parents thought it was a travesty. LOL, worth it to H and I for the story.</p>
<p>[Note: the story is funny because these folks were well off. I would never criticize any gift from someone who was financially strapped.]</p>
<p>When we got married on the East Coast nearly 29 years ago, the gifts from my family in the Midwest were very practical, along the lines of Missypie’s gifts while the East Coast folks gave much more expensive gifts. Part of it was social class, but not all.</p>
<p>We too have been under giving. Oops. We are attending a wedding in June for the child of a college classmate of my husband’s. I have met the bride twice and the college friend two or three times. The envelope link suggested a gift in the hundreds; I was shocked.</p>
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<p>We are attending a wedding on Saturday for someone in the category of “casual acquaintance.” I, too, was shocked at the amount suggested. But that prompted me to go the web site of the place the bride was registered and send her the cereal bowls from her every day china.</p>
<p>Interesting. The calculator said I should give $220 for the wedding for which we gave $300. That’s fine with me. Gotta go back and check what we should give for a wedding that we will not be attending in July. Ok, it’s half of that - $110. That works.</p>
<p>Northeast +traditional = no cash, unless the family is Italian or Jewish, or some other ethnicity with that tradition. (Mostly Eastern European or Mediterranean, in my experience.)</p>
<p>I would suggest something nice from the registry.</p>
<p>For the wedding we are attending, the bride and groom live in a NYC apartment and have registered for gift cards in varying amounts at about three different stores. Guess we will go toward the higher end in the gift card.</p>
<p>Very timely thread. My brother’s step daughter is getting married in September. It will be a very over-the-top wedding, rivaling Will & Kate. H&I will be invited, along with our 2 adult children and their significant others. According to the calculator, we/kids should be giving over $1,000 in total. There is no way either kid can afford their share and I just swallowed hard when I saw our contribution. In addition, we will need 3 hotel rooms, probably some new clothes, and other travel costs. It will be a very expensive weekend for us.</p>
<p>I might be able to justify this expense except for our relationship with the bride-to-be is a little distant. Her mother married my brother when she was 4. She never really liked any of the “cousins”, although they’re very close in age and tried to do things with her over the years. At her engagement party, we drove 4 hours and gave a nice gift. She never said a word to us at the party and we’re still waiting for a thank you note. Most of her registry has already been purchased.</p>
<p>Mansfield, you don’t HAVE to go. Just send a nice gift. If they have registered for a china or silver pattern, you can always give an additional serving piece for which they haven’t registered. Or you and your spouse could go, but the adult children and SOs could decline and send a gift.</p>
<p>We’ve discussed this before, but I am struggling with one. I sent a wedding gift to the child of a friend. The wedding is in August. We haven’t seen these friends much in the past several years due to schedules and such (and they live on the other side of town) and we are not invited to the wedding. But we have known therm a long time. I sent a gift from their registry, but on the registry I used, there wasnt much left and I feel like I didnt spend enough. They are registered on another site and I could send another gift, but that feels weird. Should I leave it alone?</p>
<p>jym626 I’d leave it alone. The second gift feels a little odd. You aren’t going to the wedding, so I think it’s lovely that you sent a gift.</p>
<p>Thanks, Mom2M. I am still considering, as if I order today the items will arrive within a day of each other and I can order from the same registry. I guess if I had to choose I’d rather be considered odd than cheap :)</p>
<p>If they will arrive that close together, then it just looks like you went to both stores–nothing odd about that. I guess I thought there was more time in between. Go ahead and place the order, it sounds like it’s something you want to do. And that’s the best gift–from the heart.</p>
<p>Thanks, Mom2M. I am going with my gut on this which tells me I’ll regret it if I dont send another part to the gift. I think its ok to say I wanted to send them separately, and I can order on line. I dont have to go into the store 
Let my fingers do the shopping :)</p>
<p>Appreciate the feedback. Thanks again.</p>
<p>I have found that in our group of friends we go to the registry. I will combine a shower/wedding gift. If the gift is “just” from husband and me I’ll spend $250 ish (but I use sale/coupons so the gift is “worth” 400 or so). If the “kids” are invited I’ll go out of pocket $400 to $500.</p>
<p>DD is going to the wedding of a teammate (a casual friend) this weekend. Bride is in college, groom just graduated. Midwestern rural style wedding. More than 500 miles roundtrip. Not bringing a +one.</p>
<p>Just for giggles, I used the link provided above to see if her gift fell within their guidelines ($100, from her summer earnings of around $4k). When I put in that she was unemployed (she’s a college student), it came back with a gift value of $-65. When I put in Income range of $15-25,000 (lowest bracket), it came back with $-55. In fact, it wasn’t until the $45-$55K income level that I even got a positive number. WTH? I put in our family income, and I can tell you we would never give that much to a casual friend.</p>
<p>I guess I’m wondering just what the underlying assumptions are in the calculations. I would not take the site’s results as definitive.</p>
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<p>Yes. When I got married, lots of people didn’t buy gifts off the registry. I was thrilled to receive anything for which I had registered - I was certainly more pleased to receive a $15 pair of salad tongs for which I had registered than a $100 crystal ice bucket for which I had not.</p>
<p>Thank you, Jym, for sending the gift ahead as etiquette dictates. For a family member getting married in a few weeks, there have been TWO gifts so far. Apparently everyone else will bring them to the wedding. So much for the bride getting out the thank you notes a little each day as gifts trickle in ;)</p>