<p>Clueless: I think there’s a real difference between how (most) women and (most) men approach relationships. Men DO things together; women FEEL things together.</p>
<p>Yes. Have you noticed too, that (most) (I like how you put that in so I’m copying you ;)) men don’t view silence as awkward? They could sit there saying nothing to each other without feeling that they have to fill the silence with words like (most) women do. I think the difference between men and women is an interesting topic.</p>
<p>Perhaps we need to start a new thread? And not a bashing thread-just truly differences in men and women and their perception of things??</p>
<p>Good idea! You start. :)</p>
<p>I also like Paying3Tuitions response. I think you should take this as a compliment…I think there are people I’ve known that I remember very fondly, who might barely remember me. And if I had the nerve, I might invite them to something, just to see them again.</p>
<p>Now if you go to the wedding and there are a thousand people there, you’ll have to let us all know that we were wrong!</p>
<p>My thought was “aww how nice, after all these years.” And if I could not go or didn’t care to, I would have dropped a note and said thanks, but we we can’t, etc. I would not have looked upon the mailing of such an invitation as rude, or someone ust looking for a gift. Guess I am naive. Would I have sent one under the same circumstances, probably not as I would have felt guilty that I had made no effort to stay in touch all those years. But if an invitation came after that length of time, I would be grateful for a chance to reestablish communication.</p>
<p>Years ago a colleague of DH’s got married (much younger than we are!). I had met the groom once and the bride never. I really didn’t want to attend. DH insisted. We ended up sitting with a couple in their 80s who had just hiked all over Yosemite. They were a hoot, to say the least.<br>
One of the most fun weddings I had ever attended. Obviously the groom wanted to instill a more close relationship with my DH.<br>
I have also noticed as I get older (ahem) that we are often invited to events where we don’t know the honorees (weddings/bridal showers/etc). We are the “friends of the XX’s parents”.<br>
Sometimes I/we go. Sometimes we don’t. Depends on what else we are doing that weekend and how good the food might be…</p>
<p>Thanks ebeeee-I suspect that we will see more of this type of invite! We’ll take your attitude with regard to attendance. Yes, I realize now that we are getting older-and perhaps , staying in touch is not as easy as it used to be esp when kids were together in school, activities, etc.</p>
<p>A good friend’s son recently got married. We live in different parts of the state so I never got to know her son. And the invitation came at the last minute–after the RSVP date–so I knew I was being added on because someone else said no. But I didn’t feel offended because I knew they had to control costs and that the first list would have people who were close to the couple getting married. I went to the wedding, had a wonderful time and renewed a friendship with someone I’d inadvertently offended years ago.</p>
<p>The obvious love and devotion of this young couple also renewed my faith in humankind. In a world with so many bad things going on, witnessing the commitment of two young people to each other, the combining of multiple cultures in the extended families and the loving support that surrounded this new family was a warm and uplifting experience.</p>
<p>I think wedding customs vary a lot. (Reminds me of the discussions about graduation invitations.) And I’m not sure I really have a handle on the “rules.” When I got married (many, many years ago), the concern was not to offend someone by leaving them off. So I’m sure we sent out plenty of invites that probably got reactions such as, “Why are they inviting ME?” I sincerely hope no one thought it was a request for a gift. I didn’t even register anywhere, because that alone felt too much like I was expecting gifts. I truly wanted people to come.</p>
<p>However, recently I’ve noticed a trend toward expensive weddings with pared down guest lists. I personally don’t get this. Why is it so much more important to have just this exact dress, or flower, or caterer, rather than every possible friend or relative? To me, people are more important. But “dream wedding” means something different to different people.</p>
<p>This has happened a couple of times recently. One example: An old acquaintance (family went to our church, I taught her in kindergarten Sunday School, S2 sang in community choir with her and we carpooled, S1 took her to the HS prom, etc) came through Germany while we lived there. I took the train to Munich, met up with her, and spent the day showing her around. We had a lot of fun. We emailed back and forth. When we got back to the US, she and her mom came, and she showed me her brand new engagement ring, and told me all about her wedding plans. Her fiance was supposed to come that day so I could meet him, but had to cancel. So 4 months later I was wondering why I never got an invite, and asked a mutual friend if the wedding was still on. Yes, it was, I was told, but they had to pare down the invites because everything was so expensive, and they were hoping people would be understanding.</p>
<p>No, I wasn’t a close friend. But it still hurt. This wasn’t a “tiny” relatives only wedding or anything like that. It was obvious the mutual friend was invited and involved, and I wasn’t. I was apparently on the other side of the cut-off line.</p>
<p>I will probably be offending all sorts of people by inviting them when my kids get married, but to me that is better than offending them by NOT inviting them. If I offended them because they don’t consider themselves friends, then I haven’t lost much except the price of a card. If I offend them by NOT inviting them, I have lost something potentially much greater. If they care, I want them to be there. If they don’t, that’s what the reply card is for.</p>
<p>Binx, I had similar experience, where we were rather surprised to be excluded from an event. It hurt. We also had an experience where we were invited to a wedding and I had not seen or spoken with the bride for eight years. I did not invite her to my wedding! She was a close friend, but we lost touch for eight years when we moved to different parts of the country. She picked up the phone out of the blue, eight years after our last conversation to let me know she was getting married. She wanted to invite me to her wedding, and wanted to tell me that she was getting married by telling me over the phone, rather than just sending an invitation. I had to let her know that I had gotten married a year earlier. I felt terrible because I did not invite her to my wedding (afterall, we had not spoken in 7 years, at the time I was married). Binx, I agree with your feelings on the subject. BTW, this friend and I are still in touch 2 decades later. I will say that we did go to a wedding where “everyone” was invited, but the reception was done on a budget, and I sadly heard a lot of negative comments.</p>
<p>I was the flippant one in the beginning. Maybe I was off base.
I love this observation and agree with the OP that maybe it’s time for a separate thread on this topic. We recently bought a second home for winters/eventual retirement. DH can’t <em>wait</em> to abandon ship where we are and move there full-time. It’s economically more sensible, blah blah blah. I am NOT READY for that. Why? Because I have such strong attachment to my friends here and want to keep the physical connection, and want to have stronger friendships there before spending more time there. DH already has a friendship group in the new area that suffices for him. I sum it up this way “A six-pack of buddies is a six-pack of buddies” for him. They are interchangeable - he has guys to play golf with, watch sports with, go out to dinner as couples with in both places and they are… effectively… interchangeable. Mars vs. Venus, I guess.</p>
<p>jmmom</p>
<p>If you’re moving to better weather and have a guest room, you could be seeing plenty of your current friends in the new location.</p>
<p>The wedding I was invited to at the last minute was lovely, but not lavish. In VT, it is popular to get married in the hay loft of barns, for example, usually renovated barns not actively housing animals (but it’s even more fun if there ARE animals on the ground floor!). They had little strawberry shortcakes instead of a <em>cake</em>, had a friend doing the photos, wild flowers, etc. Another wedding I attended in CT 10 years ago was unbelievably lavish and the marriage was over in 2 years.</p>
<p>Well…I have to say, the section that caught MY eye was that this was not a “close friend” of the husband. I have to say…I don’t think my husband has any close friends (unless they are the spouses of wives where we know both the husband and wife). He does, however, have a couple of college buddies and I know he would be delighted to hear from them…and be invited to a wedding of any of their children. And he hasn’t seen them in a long time.</p>