<p>As I enter my mid-20s, the wedding invites have begun to arrive–not in droves, but not the lone wolf like it has been for the past few years. I work full-time, but I’ve only been out in the workforce for <2 years and am still really trying to make sure my feet are underneath me financially, so flying back to my home state/other states to attend all of these weddings is definitely not feasible. That being said, I also can’t afford to send a large gift to all of them, but I don’t want to send nothing, since that seems rather rude. What’s the etiquette for this? </p>
<p>As a point of reference, the weddings vary from people my own age/slightly younger (23-25) to older family members who are in their 30s.</p>
<p>The etiquette is to do what you can afford and what you want to do-- really I think the onus is on the one sending the invitation not to expect anything more from you, that’s where “etiquette” and good manners come in here in my opinion. It has nothing to do with you, you get to do whatever you want and are comfortable with. I don’t think there are any rules for you.</p>
<p>I am 24 and just sent out my save the dates. We have quite a few friends our age who are now living out of state. The ones I have had a chance to speak to about the wedding, I made it a point to tell them that they were more than welcome but I COMPLETELY understand if they aren’t able to make the trip-- based on those conversations some people ended up not getting invited at all because they took that opportunity to tell me they couldn’t make it, others will play it by ear and I won’t be disappointed if they can’t make it. It’s on me to make this comfortable for everybody, not them. The thought of gifts hasn’t even really occurred to me, if they don’t send anything I won’t notice, if they send something small or a nice card I will be grateful. I am getting married, I am so happy, any way that anyone shares in that happiness with me is extremely exciting and touching, I don’t care what it is.</p>
<p>I’m not inviting people because I want something out of them. Either your friends are the same and will be happy with whatever you can do, or they aren’t and they don’t deserve your concern anyway. There are TONS of inexpensive gifts you can buy, or gift cards, or a small check, or just a card with a nice note, if these people are your friends they shouldn’t bat an eye. And if they aren’t your friends, well, don’t worry about it. You have to choose your battles in life. My impression is that most people understand that we are young and just getting started in life, and the expectations are not high-- just do what you can and what you feel comfortable with.</p>
<p>The etiquette is to send a congratulatory note, handwritten on good quality paper. Congratulations-on-your-wedding cards are acceptable too.</p>
<p>If you feel so moved, and you can afford to do so, then it is appropriate to send a gift. But you aren’t obliged to shell out for every wedding of every friend/relative/colleague/neighbor. Gifts I remember giving when I was your age included incredibly cheap (but wonderful) thrift-shop finds, clearance sale housewares, and a sheet of first class postage stamps for the Thank-you note writing.</p>
<p>If you don’t attend the wedding, a nice handwritten note is really very appropriate. If you want to send a small gift, that is OK too, but not essential.</p>
<p>If you attend the wedding, you should (in my opinion) get a gift for,the couple. But this does not have to be an expensive gift. DD and DS, both in their 20’s, have attended weddings of family and friends. I will say, for family, we included them in OUR gift. For friends, they have gotten something that they hoped the couple would use. Gifts have ranged from nice coffee mugs to picture frames to everyday wine glasses and wine, to small pieces of the couple’s china. Both have also gone in with friends to buy something more pricey.</p>
<p>DS is coming to a very good friend’s wedding this summer…from across the country. The friend told him…his presence at the wedding would be considered DS’s gift. DS will likely get them inexpensive everyday wine glasses, and a nice bottle of wine. OR a new French press, a pound of really nice coffee, and two nice mugs.</p>
<p>S1 and DIL told folks upfront that their presence was far more valued than their presents, and if it was too much $ to travel, they would not be in the least bit offended. S & DIL put up a few folks on their own dime, too.</p>
<p>The biggest gifts they got were donations to various charities they had chosen (and those gifts tended to be from the older generation). They got some handmade gifts from friends. Not everyone brought gifts. S & DIL chose not to sign up for a registry – it felt presumptuous since they have fabulous jobs and many of their friends are still in grad school/looking for work. </p>
<p>The best gifts are from the heart. Don’t go into debt trying to cover all the bases on the wedding invites you receive – your friends invited you to share their happiness and that they value your friendship, and if you can’t afford the trip or an expensive gift, the real friends will totally get it and love you anyway.</p>
<p>When DH and I were married 30 years ago, we were a year out of college and put up/fed lots of friends in our apartment so they could attend. It was a great time. We had sixteen people staying at our house the week of S1 and DIL’s wedding. They were a tremendous help with preparing food (we self-catered) and it was a blast to have so many friends and family finally meet one another after so many years of hearing about the others.</p>
<p>My friends and I also married in our 20’s so in one year, there were 5 weddings alone I’m our group. We didn’t expect lavish gifts knowing we were all just starting out.</p>
<p>This is what it did: For one couple, I chose a practical gift on their registry. It didn’t cost more than $25. For another, a closer friend, I cross stitched a wedding quote and framed it myself (cost no more than $10). I was pleasantly surprised to see it displayed in her home office 28 years later.</p>
<p>A nice frame, pretty hand towels (we always struggled to find non-ratty guest towels when we were young and newly married!) a “red plate” for special occasions (we had one and the birthday person got to eat off of it on their special day. Or if the kids got a good report card, or if they said/did something especially nice for their siblings…you get the picture). I actually painted mine at a pottery/paint place. It brings back good memories…the words “you are special today and always” were written around the rim.</p>
<p>I would think this all depends on what stage of life your friends are in and how close you are with them. People in their 30s would most likely have a lot of essentials for their house, so probably wouldn’t need another $25 bowl. I don’t there is a norm on how much or what to give. If it’s your college friend, your crowd may have a “norm” you may want to follow. Ask them what they plan on doing. You may all want to get together and get one nice thing.</p>
<p>At our wedding our grad student friends gave us a lot of nice dish towels and placemats. I still use them. A few (who were no longer students) gave us things like bud vases or small pottery bowls (cereal bowl sized but good for serving). We didn’t actually have much stuff since we’d lived in a group houses that was well stocked. The nice thing about towels is they are easy to mail.</p>
<p>We got married in our 20’s. The gifts I still have around from friends who couldn’t afford a lot? Unusual (but not weird) art items – a small decorative box, a great vase, an interesting bowl. I know who gave me each item and still think of them each time I see it. A small set of red dessert glasses with plates–who could ever part with those?
Antique items are great as wedding gifts also.</p>
<p>*I am 24 and just sent out my save the dates. *</p>
<p>Im not familiar with this term, except as the host of a charity auction that I wanted people to buy tickets for. Is this what invitations are being called?</p>
<p>EK–no, it’s something sent out some months ahead of time, just to let people know that a date has been set. A head’s up, for planning’s sake.</p>
<p>My D got married last summer. Her friends are in late 20s to early 30s, and many do not have much money. Some gave small presents, or small amounts of money; some gave nothing–just traveling to the event was all they could afford (their crew had three weddings in a span of just over a month.) She was happy for their presence, and expected nothing more.</p>
<p>I think it’s not customary to send invites out that early. Partly because times, locations, etc, not might all be set yet. And just, again, custom. Invites generally go out a couple months to six weeks before a wedding. At that point, you’re asking for people to rsvp with a commitment or regrets; at an earlier time, people aren’t in a position to do so.</p>
<p>I was trying to recall what I gave friends back then…in one case, where I was a bridesmaid, I bought the dress (nice but inexpensive and I wore it for years thanks to my friend the bargain hunter bride), flew there, and gave them a Le Creuset piece with cover, which she is still using, 35 years later! (Her groom strongly hinted that they wanted money, which was unheard of in her family or mine. Although she still has my pot, she no longer has him! :D) I gave another friend a small Waterford dish right out of college. That was when I was really penniless. I really did not experience a flood of weddings in my 20s.</p>
<p>I think the advice you’ve gotten here is sound. Pick something nice but within your budget from their registry, if they have one. (With china, do note that it is actually much more useful to give someone several dinner plates than a “place setting,” and may be cheaper.) Use your imagination and your knowledge of them if you don’t. (I love the idea of a french press with a pound of good coffee.)</p>
<p>I sent my save the dates closer to 5 months out so by that point I was pushing my luck, but they were really cute engagement photos that our family and friends loved and it was a fun way to share them. I told people about our date when we booked it in August but this was a nice reminder that if they haven’t already they might want to start thinking about travel arrangements, August was a long time ago. And some friends I am inviting who might not have assumed they were invited now know and if they want to come wont have to make last minute arrangements. </p>
<p>They’re not necessary, they’re just fun. When we get them we keep them on the fridge until the wedding, as will our family and close friends I expect. The last time I was at a friends house I noticed she had a few up.</p>
<p>Daughter’s first friend from college got married last year. She loved vintage items so my daughter found lovely vintage candlestick holders. They were about $25.</p>