In our case, fortunately we are and were at the time of sis’ wedding all of close to average weight, so we all looked as good in the strapless dress chosen. It’s just that none of us are into wearing strapless dresses but we wanted our sis the bride to be happy and honestly the non-strapless bridesmaids dresses we saw at the bridal shops looked very frumpy or “mother of the bride or groom-ish.”.
I did donate the dress to the local HS who makes formal gowns available to people who want low/no cost prom dresses. I also donated a formal gown that my sis gave me which she wore to a ball and never again.
I had a big youthful wedding with lots of bridesmaids and all that, but at this point I’m beginning to think that the idea of several adult women all standing around in matching attire is kind of dumb in retrospect. Why do we do this? What is the point? We all know we will never wear these dresses again, and that it’s impossible to find a cut or color that is flattering on every body type or complexion. I loved my bridesmaids’ dresses at the time, but now I look at them and think, “couch upholstery/ Country Curtains fabric” (they were floral Laura Ashley-type dresses).
A friend of mine had a lovely second wedding in which she asked the wedding party (mixed gender) to wear what they wanted (women in a nice dress, men in a a nice suit). Each person was given a corsage or boutonniere in the wedding color scheme (we were told what this was) to mark his or her status. The six of us stood up by the couple as they were wed. It was so nice and dignified. And frankly, we looked better than a lot of wedding parties wearing uncomfortable awkward bridal fantasy clothes (strapless gowns, morning coats).
NJSue, I think the traditions haven’t kept up with reality. People are getting married later in life. While the idea of a bunch of 22yos dressed alike and standing up with their friends in ornate outfits seems cute, a large wedding party of 40-somethings in matching dresses and shoes seems silly. IMHO I would think that if people aren’t getting married until late 30s or 40s, they’d be over the whole big wedding in white thing. My best male friend didn’t get married until he was 39. He got married in a backyard ceremony. The bride’s dress was lovely but not ornate and with a long train or anything. It all seemed wonderful and age-appropriate.
My sis was in her 40s when she got married and she looked lovely in her long white gown. We were fine with wearing the dresses she chose and none of us has any regrets. I do think that if designers came up with attractive outfits for attendants that are in their 40s and 50s that aren’t frumpy (or strapless), there is a market for them.
@Youdon’tsay, I agree on the mismatch between tradition and reality. I also wonder how old and traditional the “bridesmaid era” really is. My mother had bridesmaids in 1959, but her mother had only a maid of honor. My great grandmother got married in her parents’ parlor in a brown velvet dress. The wedding guests and the gifts were listed in the local newspaper. I think we forget how many of these wedding “traditions” we take for granted are really pretty recent.
