The bride likes the expensive, “real” kind of cowboy boots, and my friends were trying to find something more reasonably priced. Bride wants her new SIL to borrow boots from one of bride’s friends, but my friend’s D has large and wide feet and doesn’t want to have her feet hurt in someone else’s boots. (And she’s also grossed out by the idea of wearing someone else’s boots!)
^^^Lots of young women wear “real” cowboy boots in Texas, and they aren’t always expensive. I think that bride is kind of nervy.
D2 goes to a big public U in Texas and it is the style to wear cute dresses with cowboy boots to the football games. Too bad she doesn’t have big feet or I’d offer to buy them from you!
I agree about these strapless gowns. If they work for the bride, great. The style can be beautiful. But when it doesn’t, ugh. I attended a relative’s wedding recently, and she spent the ceremony constantly pulling her dress up. Very uncool.
My D’s wedding was last March and I am so thankful that she was NOT anything like a Bridezilla! She found a line of dresses that included quite a few different styles, and each bridesmaid was able to select the style that was most flattering to them. She told them to wear their hair however they wanted and to select whatever shoes they wanted…I think she asked that they pick shoes that were not backless so they had not problems walking in them.
Our biggest wedding issue was beyond anyone’s control…the groom became VERY ill at the rehearsal and spent the night before the wedding very sick. He’s a doctor and probably picked up something from a patient. It was so sad that he missed the lovely rehearsal dinner and celebration that his family had planned, and of course my D was so worried about him! And HE was worried that SHE would think his issues were from nerves or something.
It all worked out fine, though. He made it to the wedding and they are happily married!
@bookiemom, that sounds like a sticky situation. Maybe friend’s D can ask her new SIL for shopping assistance and your friend can strongly suggest to her son to subsidize little sis’ authentic boots purchase? I always thought the bride pays for the bridesmaid/matron’s dress and shoes, especially if they are specific and expensive.
One advantage of NOT buying a strapless wedding dress - when you go to the bridal stores you only have a tiny selection of dresses to look at. So, you can very quickly see if they have what you are looking for!
My daughter and DIL did not want a strapless dress nor they did not want a strapless dress that could be altered to have sleeves/straps. So shopping went rather quickly, which was a bonus. At the shop where my DIL found The Dress, they only had one dress for her to try. My daughter found Her Dress at a store that only had a small number of dresses with straps.
Current thinking seems to be that the bridesmaids pay for dress/shoes/etc. That is part of the issue for some folks – being in a wedding is darned expensive. I paid for my BM dresses – they could wear whatever shoes they wanted. Not sure what DIL did re: attendants. One was her sister, another a good friend of both her and S1. They didn’t wear matching shoes, that I do know. Would not be surprised if DIL paid for both, since her sister was in the UK and DIL ordered the dress at a store in CA.
DIL wore a strapless for the civil ceremony and the celebration. She was able to pull it off very well, but she is used to dressing for her chest and knows what kind of tailoring needs to be done.
My bridesmaids are paying for their dresses, but I chose a color that had LOTS of options. I don’t care what shoes they wear- or if they wear shoes. (I am not wearing shoes for the ceremony unless the sand is wet).
I just thought if the bride wanted a very specific look or outfit, then she would pay to get that look. I remember reading about a medieval theme wedding where the bride made the gowns for her bridal party.
I disagree. The primary fault lies with the bride and groom as the note should have never been issued in the first place. IMO, the groom should have “forgot” to convey the note to the best man and let the chips fall where they may.
By failing to do so, it was the bride and the groom who involved the best man in what is essentially control freakish behavior on the bride’s part.
This behavior is even more unconscionable if the bride had little/no prior established relationship with the best man in her own right. Just like the groom would be wrong to make demands on how the bride’s friends he has little/no prior established relationship should groom themselves, the same applies to the bride regarding groom’s friends.
In that context, the bride’s behavior is about as classy as a new acquaintance/friend one has only known for a short time starting to ask for a substantial financial loan or making similar onerous demands “as a friend”. Sorry, such requests should only be made after one has established a solid friendship…of at least a few years in duration.
romani,
There’s a major difference between beards/facial hair and tattoos. Unfortunately, tattoos have had a long history, rightly or wrongly, of being associated in upper/upper-middle class Anglo-American and other cultures with the rough elements of society.
It’s one reason why many, especially those from such backgrounds are still uncomfortable with them as shown by bans on having them show in some environments where such SES norms are prevalent…such as some high profile corporate offices/big law firms even though there is a slow trend to loosening such norms.
As an aside, tattoos in some cultures, especially in upper/upper-middle class norms are still taboo. For instance, in Japan tattoos are widely associated with criminality and the Yakuza(Japanese mafia).
Consequently, hotels and landlords would refuse to rent to folks with tattoos and many upper/upper-middle class families would refuse to associate with anyone who had tattoos…or even associated with parts of the world where they’re accepted. A reason why some Japanese friends with them for artistic reasons are living in NYC and rarely go back to visit their home countries.
^ Completely disagree with your first paragraph. Conveniently “forgetting” to do something your soon-to-be spouse asked is not a good way to start off a marriage. If you have an issue with something, bring it up with your partner- don’t be passive aggressive about it.
“The wedding is in a barn wedding facility, and the bride is wearing cowgirl boots and all the bridesmaids are required to as well. Their boots have to be approved by the bride! My friend and her daughter have purchased two pairs so far and both were rejected as “not authentic enough.” The daughter does not like cowgirl boots and would never choose to wear them.”
I know some people like cowboy boots, and more power to them, but I hate them for myself and would resent every penny! I could kind of see it if the bride was having her attendants wear jeans and a flannel shirt because that’s at least a look, but it would really annoy me to have to buy and wear them with a formal dress that it clearly doesn’t go with, except ironically!
The forgetting part is very plausible considering how stressful weddings can be for the bride, groom, and their respective families.
The other thing the groom could have done is to clarify, negotiate, and argue the unreasonable note with the bride and only after there was reasonable clarification or she drops the request does the groom communicate the result or in the latter case…let sleeping dogs lie so everyone can focus on preparing for a hopefully positive memorable wedding. The last bit is best so no blowups or even hard feelings need to develop.
My main issue with the bride’s request here is not only the control-freakish nature of it, but also it doesn’t sound like she has known the groom’s best friend long enough in her own right to make such a request in the first place.
My girls have always paid for their own dresses when they were bridesmaids.
I’d borrow a large pair of cowboy boots to walk down aisle, then ditch them. Who wants to spend $200 on boots one would never wear again?
I paid for my own dress in 2 of the 4 weddings I was a wedding attendant. Two were family and two were my best friends. I believe I paid for the gowns and hats of my sisters, who were my attendants. I tried to pay for my gowns for all the weddings.
The bride is being ridiculous. One can find perfectly serviceable women’s cowboy boots for $50 or $60. A lot of bridesmaid wear is never worn again, but $200 is a lot of money for one item, and as stated, is not something the average woman is going to use again even if she were to purchase “authentic” looking ones. For that matter, if a bride asked me to buy $200 black pumps I’d think it was unreasonable, even though those are something most women would wear again. It’s just really disrespectful of the budget for the typical young person.
Forcing people to be something they’re not for a wedding seems wrong, although it might be tempting. In this case I think everyone is behaving really badly.
My major problem with strapless–and sleeveless–dresses is that a LOT of women do not have the arms for it.
In my experience, bridesmaids pay for their own attire. Which is one reason why I and all of my friends went to great lengths to find something that people really could and would wear again, and just agreed on general shoe type and color, such as “light sandals.”
Or the backs.
One of my college friends was maid of honor in the wedding of another classmate. My friend was, by the time of the wedding, already significantly overweight. She joked that the (very skinny) bride chose backless dresses just to make her and the other bridesmaids look bad.