I have to take my mil to the shower and so can’t even really get a hotel for us to spend any time together
Another vote for your D not attending. I might suggest that she send a gift along with a nice, personalized note explaining how sorry she was that she could not come.
4 hours is kind of an awkward distance. Tough to go both ways in one day. Are you and your MIL going to stay there overnight? Could you coordinate with your sister, somehow, or is she 3 hrs on the far side, so to speak?
Definitely, your D should not even consider attempting to go–unless your sister is willing to gift her the airfare, LOL!
No, it isn’t a faux pas for her not to attend. Expecting someone to attend a shower ten hours away, or even four really, is unreasonable. It’s likely that invitations to people who live far away are a courtesy and it is not expected that the invitees will attend. I wouldn’t be attending a shower that far away even if it was my son getting married, nor would I be flying somewhere for a shower. This shower is likely for local guests. I don’t understand why your sister is getting involved?
The usual, and respectful, thing to have done would be to let you know in advance about the shower and graciously said that they knew it would be unlikely that you could could attend but that they didn’t want to leave you out. Very odd that you knew nothing about the shower before receiving the invitation.
I was not invited to a shower for a friend’s daughter because of the distance. Nevertheless…I still contributed to a gift (my DD WAS invited as she loved locally).
My friend was trying not to make it feel like a gift grab for folks who,would,definitely need to take a plane to get there.
I really don’t understand why your sister is inserting herself into this situation! But it sounds like there’s some history there…
Did your S know about the shower? Has he said anything about your D attending? Just curious … but I agree that ten hours is a bit much for a shower!