It’s long been the custom among my family and friends to invite all out-of-town guests to the rehearsal dinner, too, but as someone who is unduly sensitive to being left out, I really hate the custom. I’ve been to several in-town weddings where my group of friends were all from out of town and the conversation at our table was all about how great the party was the night before, how the toasts made everyone cry, how great the food was, etc. Really made me feel left out. And the other old friends had had that extra reacquainting, bonding time, so they all felt much tighter by the time of the wedding.
At one of the weddings, the out of town guests were also invited to a day-after brunch and the group was making plans to do something after the brunch. I know I am like a child when it comes to these things but it made me feel bad to be left out. I had half a mind to crash the brunch. It was awkward to say, “Hey guys, I’m not invited to the brunch but can I meet up with you after?”
I’m not doing the inviting - my daughter is. So far this 2nd cousin hasn’t asked D & FSIL directly … it’s just been conveyed through the “grapevine”. It’s not really a matter of staying “firm” – the kids are going to send out save-the-date announcements to people on their guest list, no one else. If there are hurt feelings, so be it.
I think it’s rather presumptuous in any case. If the person doesn’t have a close enough relationship with bride or groom to feel comfortable making a phone call or send an email directly… then obviously that person shouldn’t have any particular expectation of being invited to their wedding or other social event.
Exactly, those numbers add up fast and just the wedding party alone (bridesmaids, groomsmen, officiants and respective partners adds accounts for 20. When my DD shared her initial guest list with me, it was already full up, and the first thing I noticed was that she had forgotten to count herself & her fiance. I pointed out that just because she was “on stage” for the ceremony didn’t mean that she didn’t count when it came to seating capacity for the reception.
Reading all of this make me grateful for that my son had such a small wedding. For him, there was a rehearsal lunch - limited to 12 people - and the real ceremony took place at the lunch. It was a small private room at a restaurant - they didn’t “do” weddings, so we all called it a “rehearsal”, and they said their vows and that was it. There was a larger, very informal reception for family at the home of a relative later that evening. Parents & siblings in attendance at the rehearsal/ceremony - one sibling was married, but the others were singles. No procession or attendants. It wasn’t a formal wedding; we joked with the bride’s dad about whether he had remembered to bring the shotgun. (Grandson was born 2 months later). It probably would have been embarrassing for them to have had a big to-do and invited all of their extended family. They had their opportunity to host a large gathering for family and friends after the baby arrived.
We had a tiny wedding…about 35 people. Everyone was from out of town except maybe 6 people. The rehearsal dinner was really a picnic my MIL did. It was for her kids, and our two person wedding party. The rest of the guests were on their own.
When my nephew got married, our whole family was from out of town. We specifically asked NOT to be invited to the rehearsal dinner, our kids were meeting is in the wedding venue city, and that was the night we wanted to spend with them.
We were at two destination weddings recently and everyone was invited to a night before party, the wedding,mand a brunch the next day, everyone.
I pointed out that just because she was “on stage” for the ceremony didn’t mean that she didn’t count when it came to seating capacity for the reception.