DS is getting married next Spring. We gave the couple a not to exceed budget $ to expect from us and the FDIL’s parents did the same. As it turns out we are each paying 50%. It is up to DS and FDIL to allocate the $ how they want. If they go over it is out of their pockets. So we have no “who is paying for what part of the wedding” issues.
We’re getting ready to have the third family wedding this year. #1 was destination wedding at mountain resort. Groom had rehearsal dinner for wedding party/spouses and close family. Friends of the bride had casual supper for rest of guests at resort that weren’t included. The later that night they had a party with bluegrass trio (friends of Groom) with wine/beer/s’mores and pick up food. This was hosted by about 20 couples that were friends of MOB and some of us that are family. This was what MOB picked when we (SILs) asked kind of party we could host for them (for previous nieces it was bridesmaid luncheon but this niece didn’t do that).
2 Nephew in town of brides grandparents. Most of couples friends from Idaho so most ended up at rehearsal dinner, plus brides grandparents hosted all who were there on Thursday night for casual dinner at their farm.
3 Upcoming. Niece. There is a rehearsal dinner for wedding party/family. Starting at 9pm there will be a party for everyone at same venue as rehearsal. Paid for by around 25 couples that are family friends of MOB.
So in cases with parties, it was friends of brides who coordinated additional Night Before activities. The Grooms families just did rehearsal.
“So in cases with parties, it was friends of brides who coordinated additional Night Before activities.”
Is that a tradition in your area, @scmom12? Or just with your family? I’ve never heard of that custom before but it is nice and generous of friends to do that.
It’s nice that some of the guests chose to pay for wedding related events the weekend of the wedding. BUT in our case…most of,the friends of the bride a groom…and our fami,IRS will be traveling to the event also. We are local,to,the area…and really don’t expect others to pay for events related to the wedding.
Now…if they all want to organize a dinner out…fine. But that would be totally on the side…and not related to,the wedding invites, or weekend we are planning…at all.
It does seem like it could be confusing for couples outside the family to be organizing an official event on the weekend of the actual wedding. How is that coordinated? And what is the expectation for all these 20-25 couples when other weddings for all their children come up?
Is it really any different than hosting a shower? If the families who want to offer to host the event have spoken to and coordinated with the couple and their parents, I think it’s a lovely thing to do. So many things about weddings these days are different than when my H and I got married that I think being open and flexible is the best way to go.
I agree that it could be a lovely gesture. Just wondering about the coordination. And what happens if both friend sides want to do something ? I’m just still wrapping my mind around 20- 25 different couples figuring this out, in coordination with parents of bride and groom, and bride and groom themselves. It just makes my head spin and my kids have girlfriends but aren’t even engaged yet!
I’m sure the involvement of 25 couples is mainly about cost sharing than active logistical planning involvement.
I guess we had this. It was just a large BBQ on a beach. Absolutely nothing fancy (mostly dirty bread- a hungarian dish- and some normal snacky food). It was supposed to be BYOB but Mr R’s family sprung for alcohol and told us a few weeks before.
We had our “rehearsal” dinner a few days before everyone got there though because there was no way we’d make it out of a “real” rehearsal dinner (with all the people you’re “supposed” to invite) under a few grand because of where our wedding was and because everyone was out of town guests. As it was on our dime, we said nope and did our own thing with just immediate family.
Saw this article this morning and thought it might be helpful for anyone setting up their own wedding shindig. 
This “party the night before after rehearsal dinner” thing is fairly new to me, although seems to be more common. My experience has been when there is a family/close friend wedding, people contact the MOB/MOG and offer to host an event of their choosing and they kind of put a plan together. Years ago, as the aunt, I volunteered when there were weddings (mostly the brides side) and usually was asked to help with bridesmaid luncheon - that seemed the “aunt” thing to do. So there were maybe 4 or 5 of us doing it.
Not as many doing that any more. For upcoming wedding, B’s parents have huge social circle. With these big parties, it’s been a few people planning and more people just paying. I’m ok with just contributing money and if you having an open bar it takes a lot of people to keep it from getting expensive. For this one, wedding is in our town, so lots of people will be there. Niece last fall at destination it was a pretty small number. Other SIL and I did coordinate invitations for that one.
Years ago, the friends that offered a party threw a big drop-in a few months prior to wedding. All of these seem to be instead of having multiple showers.
I’m not helping with Friday party this time - all the aunts that offered something are coordinating lunch for girls while they are doing hair and makeup and snacks/water for girls and guys at the church so they will have something mid-afternoon between pictures and wedding.
Frankly, it will not work this way when my Ds get married. Both my SILs have very large, close knit friends groups where they easily have enough people to throw big parties. I can’t possibly come up with anyone beyond family that will offer the same to me. 
Downside of not having a big social life!
interesting to read about the various customs. Three family weddings were on the opposite coast for us. Two had very large rehearsal dinners that included all family and some out of town friends. Casual with beer and wine. None of the aunts or uncles were involved in paying for these events nor have I done this (or heard of doing so) when I have been a friend of the parents.
Going to an out of town wedding this summer and will need two nights in a pretty pricey hotel (only one with wedding rate). Nothing planned for out of town guests for the night before, but the wedding includes an after party at a local bar (which will be buy your own drinks i am sure). I would welcome a get together the night before the wedding, even if it was a cash bar but agree that should be noted on the invitation.
I was listening to a morning radio show. The host said someone at the station got a wedding invite which said she would be required to pay $50 if she wanted to attend the wedding. I guess this was definitely covering the plate. At least it wasn’t $100 or $200.
@oldfort yikes. If I got such an invite…I would graciously decline the invitation.
We want to have some kind of welcome gathering the night before our wedding…we have a room reserved for it…but the exact thing is TBD. And no, we aren’t charging the guests!
Wow, the only things I get that have an admission price are fundraisers and I mostly politely decline them.