S1 is getting married next March in a town where everyone attending will have to travel 1-5 hours. The bride’s parents are well off and are paying for most of the wedding. The bride expressed the desire to have a small rehearsal dinner followed by a “welcome party” for approximately 50-75 family & close friends. I think they’re envisioning a cocktail-type party - no clue what type of venue. The rehearsal dinner will be held near a “boardwalk” area - maybe a bar in the area has a party room?
Has anyone seen this done? Please share details - especially if you know anything about the financial arrangements (ie do you buy bottles of wine/beer… or just let them order whatever they like?). S1 and his fiancee live in another town and details of expectations are scarce. I feel like we should offer to cover the expense of this event in addition to the rehearsal dinner, but trying to get some idea of what that would entail before offering…
Note: I do not drink nor do I have any concept of what it would cost to supply cocktails for that crowd of mostly 22-25 year olds. Sounds scary ;-).
We have been to several of these…and they come in all varieties.
Destination wedding...everyone was invited to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding (Friday). Everyone was also invited to a meet and greet on Thursday...lots of appetizers...LOTS...and open bar.
Rehearsal dinner was bridal party and immediate family only. Then there was a s'mores party with non-alcoholic beverages later in the evening.
Wedding in another town...everyone from out of town was invited to a sit down rehearsal dinner.
We have a LOT of our of town guests as well. We are thinking of a meet and greet…later after the rehearsal dinner. Will probably be appetizer those of food, salad, party pizza, wine, beer and soft drinks. Room is reserved at the hotel where rooms are blocked. Details to be worked out later.
I think hosting the rehearsal dinner is generous . If they want something beyond that, I’d be inclined to think the couple should pay for it themselves, or at least contribute to it. Or pick a casual place for people to meet after the rehearsal dinner and pay primarily for their own drinks. Paying for 50-75 people could really add up if limits aren’t set. You could potentially give them a set amount for the evening and let them decide how they want to allocate the money. Congratulations on the upcoming wedding!
I’ve had 2 nieces with this situation, and in both cases the grooms parents paid for both the small rehearsal dinner and then the larger “cocktail” party. One was held in a separate room of a restaurant, the other in a separate room at the hotel where the out of town guests were staying, next to the hotel bar. The “cocktail” party consisted of heavy hors d’oervres and wine. If guests wanted cocktails, they left the room and went to the adjacent bar and bought their own. One niece had the venue play pre-recorded music over the restaurant’s sound system for the room. The other niece was lucky because there was a live band at the hotel bar, and you could hear the music just fine. As I’m writing this, the live music sounds awkward, but it wasn’t. For the party at the restaurant, they decorated the room with some paper decorations, and for the party at the hotel, the hotel provided pretty candles on the bar height cocktail tables so no other decorations were necessary. This was in NY; different parts of the country do things differently.
Oh, both of these parties were from 8pm to 10pm. Having it at the hotel worked out really great because when the hotel closed up the room, everyone continued the party at the bar at their own expense, and no one needed to worry about drunk driving.
Yes, the limits seem key. i would think you don’t want to be footing the bill for their friends to be drinking any and all things, until all hours, on your dime! Unless you are wealthy . Then all things are possible.
Ask your son what they are thinking of. I think you could do it either way, with you just paying for the rehearsal dinner or you paying for the entire night. If you have a budget for the entire night, talk it over with your son/FDIL. They might want a more casual dinner and then have everyone to the party. They might want a very expensive rehearsal dinner and then have the party at a place with a cash bar and things to munch on. A lot might depend on if they are thinking the party guests will be older relatives or just the under 40 gang.
A friend of ours son was married in a pretty remote location. The couple wanted a small, family and bridal party only rehearsal dinner which was very awkward for my friend, since her friends had come such a distance for the wedding. They did do a welcome party after the dinner to accommodate the greater group of friends and we found a local restaurant for dinner before that started. It was simply beer and wine in a private space where they had the dinner.
For our S’s wedding in September, we (well, the couple) decided on a very casual rehearsal dinner for family, the bridal party, and all out-of-town guests. To be honest, I’m not even sure there will be a rehearsal given the venue of their wedding. It will really be more of a welcome party than a rehearsal dinner, actually, since I’m expecting 75 people, or so.
S2’s wedding was a destination wedding. We had the rehearsal dinner open to everyone but it was a less formal taco bar and fajitas station type setup. For the bar we had limited wine and beer selections and a couple of others drink selections available. Because everything had to be done by the resort it ended up pretty expensive but not near what brides family was doing.
DD just went to one where it was not a destination wedding but all of the out of town guests were invited to a meet and greet cocktail time during the rehearsal dinnner.
I love when people do a casual event the night before (whether this is the rehearsal dinner or the after the rehearsal dinner get together) - a stress free event for all involved that lets people relax, chat, hang out without a lot of pressure of what to wear, how to act socially, etc. BBQ’s, heavy appetizers, simple beverages, pizza, taco bar - whatever floats your boat and is enough different than the menu expected on wedding day.
We did a "wedding eve"party the night before that was a combo after rehearsal and out of town guests - about 50 people. I had simple BBQ catered to a beautiful park venue, we had a pie bar (ordered several pies and displayed them on gathered cake stands) and we had homemade sangria, beer, lemonade and infused water. Costco was our friend.
We attended a very nice wedding recently, but the couple did one thing that we found puzzling. On the invitation, there was a line encouraging those invited to gather in a bar for welcome drinks at a particular time the night before the wedding. H and I were surprised to find that the “guests” who came to the gathering were expected to pay for their own drinks. It was no big deal in the scheme of things, but we did find it odd.
I don’t know how it was worded, kelsmom, but I don’t find it unusual to ‘suggest’ activities and have the guests pay their own way for non-official events. I’ve been to several weddings where the couple/families have included a list of activities and even though a good number of guests will participate, the cost is on the guests - ballgames, golf, boating, dinners, parties at bars, etc. The couple might even arrange a group discount or tee times, but the cost is on the guests.
This is very common now as people frequently have to travel to weddings. When D was married, we hosted a party with drinks and dessert after the rehearsal dinner and everyone was welcome. It was nice to get to mingle with the out of town guests.
Definitely following this thread! We’re in charge of the “rehearsal dinner” which is turning out to be just another reception since everyone is out of town or immediate family. It’ll be fun but love ideas!
Attended a wedding recently in Boston and the couple hosted a welcome party at the hotel bar after the rehearsal dinner, beginning at around 9 PM. I appreciated the fact that I wasn’t expected to attend the rehearsal dinner because it gave us a chance to explore the city on our own and have dinner at a restaurant of our own choosing. The couple had included the welcome party invitation in the goody bag that was placed in our hotel room…The party was pay-for-your-own drinks but it was such fun to mix and mingle with the couple’s family members and the other guests. In chatting with the bride’s mom, she indicated that the bride didn’t want to include all the out of town guests at the rehearsal dinner because that was pretty much everybody and it would have almost been a second reception! It turned out to be a nice, relaxed affair and was well-attended because most of the guests were staying at the same hotel. Most of the older guests stayed for one drink and some mingling but I suspect the younger guests partied for several hours. The couple’s parents didn’t feel obligated to stay up until all hours because the couple was ‘hosting’ the party.
I think it’s important to remember that most Millennials don’t mind paying for their own drinks at such a gathering. Maybe I’m painting the group with a wide brush but I do believe they are a laid-back group. Enjoy!
A destination wedding I went to recently had a rehearsal dinner only for those taking part in the ceremony (a few closest family members.) Then all the other guests were invited to meet up with the wedding party, bride & groom for a casual “hanging out together” at a nearby bar. Guests paid for their own drinks. It was fun, casual, and totally optional. Some of the guests who’d arrived that day were too tired to party and opted out. It was all good.
My daughter and son-in-law invited everyone who was in town for the wedding to the rehearsal dinner. My son-in-law was born in Russia (immigrated to the US at age 7) and his folks wanted to do a Russian dinner. D and SIL liked the idea too. SIL’s mother did all of the planning and brought in a chef from a Russian restaurant that she loved. It was really fun and I think all the guests enjoyed it. The event was at large house we rented for the wedding party for the weekend. There was a big barn on the property and after the dinner, they had a group playing Russian music.
When my nephew got married, my sister was on point to host a welcome party the night before. She ended up inviting everyone to the party because most people were from out of town. My sister and her husband were careful to make sure it wasn’t to compete with the actual wedding reception. If was semi-formal, cocktails with buffet.
For D1’s wedding, the groom’s family is going to host a brunch just for the wedding party prior to the rehearsal, then a welcome party that evening for everyone. It is going to be catered barbecue, open bar and DJ at the B&B we will be staying at.
I do think it is strange to invite people to an event and expect them to pay.
