weirdest teachers/professors you've had

College Confidential Community
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<p>What are some of the weirdest teachers/professors you’ve had? Strangely, all of the weird teachers I’ve had so far have been math teachers O_o</p>

<p>My 9th grade geometry teacher twitches ALL THE TIME and is always wired because she drinks, literally, 6-8 cups of coffee per day.</p>

<p>My current math teacher teaches AP Physics/Calc and Pre-Cal. He only wears black and has got to be 350-400 pounds. He has a very long beard and hair halfway down his back that he keeps in a pony-tail. In fact, he looks a lot like Hagrid from the Harry Potter books. However, he is the most intelligent person I’ve ever met, and knows everything about everything, it’s amazing. He also has a lot of hilarious quips, called “Cookisms” (his name is Mr. Cook). Here are some of them.</p>

<ul>
<li><p>If your senior year in high school turns out to be the best year of your life <em>pause</em> you need to kill yourself (my favorite, just because it was so unexpected)</p></li>
<li><p>I’ll cut you just enough slack to make a noose.</p></li>
<li><p>Is breathing going to be on he test? Yes! (Whewwww)</p></li>
<li><p>I will hammer you into the ground like a tent peg.</p></li>
<li><p>Theres two ways out of this room. Using the door or smashing your head against the wall until you break through. One is a little bloodier than the other.</p></li>
<li><p>Gravity is spooky action at a distance.</p></li>
<li><p>I don’t care how you find the graph, heck, you can use the intestines and organs of a squirrel.</p></li>
<li><p>Mr. Lu, you may sleep in my class, but you MAY NOT snore.</p></li>
<li><p>Is there anyone who believes that we’d be in Iraq if their leading product was radishes? (everyone said NO after this)</p></li>
<li><p>Your grades will be more reflective of the quality of work you turn in on test days. In other words, we’re approaching reality asymptotically.</p></li>
<li><p>My theory of the universe is just as good as Hawking’s and Galileo’s because no one’s theory has been proven. My theory is that all those little lights in the sky at night are just holes in the blanket they throw over our cage. No one has proven my theory wrong, so they should teach it at schools.</p></li>
</ul>

<p>He’s a super cool guy :D</p>

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<p>My theory of the universe is just as good as Hawking’s and Galileo’s because no one’s theory has been proven. My theory is that all those little lights in the sky at night are just holes in the blanket they throw over our cage. No one has proven my theory wrong, so they should teach it at schools.</p>

<p>^^^^ That is the funniest thing I’ve heard. I seriously love that…</p>

<p>My chemistry teacher is awesome… He’s the randomest teacher I’ve ever had… Prolly 10-15 times in the 2nd semester we would all come in, sit down, the bell would ring… We’d all get quiet… and then he wouldn’t do or say anything. So eventually me, or someone, would ask “Umm are we doing anything today?” Then he’d be like, “Wasn’t planning on it. Everyone ok with that?”</p>

<p>Or he’d say somethin like “Well. I have things to grade. You guys have packets to work on. Or we could watch a movie. Or you could play a game.” </p>

<p>It was the best class.</p>

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<p>my ap us teacher is crazy, but amazing. i’ve had crazy/amazing history teachers for the most part. he is incredibly insightful and profound yet is extremely humorous. sometimes he has these imitations. it doesnt sound that great but it is, i can’t describe it well</p>

<p>also i had a crazy spanish teacher last year. she made these funny sound effects if we got something wrong or right. she was really nice</p>

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<p>My theory of the universe is that I am the master of it and I am currently in an experiment where I start in 1992. I am also testing out other versions of me so that all you people are really just me. I won’t realize that until I die and I pick another subject’s perspective.</p>

<p>You can’t prove me wrong, and I don’t really believe in it either. It’s just a theory.</p>

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<p>wow, your teacher is funny. i laughed out loud on some of those.</p>

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<p>Oh, also, here’s something Cook said to me.</p>

<p>It was like the 3rd day of class and we all took out sheets of paper for a pop quiz. I asked him how I should head my paper. He looked at me for a couple seconds then said “How I Spent My Summer”.</p>

<p>Do that’s how I headed a quiz on functions haha.</p>

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<p>so no one else here has weird teachers?</p>

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<p>My teacher is more disgusting than weird. He’s like super dirty and leaves … dirt marks on graded papers lol. and then when he sneezes he looks down at his hands and rubs them together… gross lol. </p>

<p>BUTTTTTT, hes super cool and knowledgeable (:</p>

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<p>My english 3 honors teacher was epic! most sarcastic B*tch i have met in my lfie, and ALL OF US LOVE HER FOR IT!!! :slight_smile: There’s a facebook group dedicated to some of the stuff she’s said.</p>

<p>here are a few of my favorites.</p>

<hr>

<p>“So, you’re only willing to compromise your principles to a certain extent? You should still be killed.”</p>

<p>“You’re optimistic. You haven’t been trained yet.”</p>

<p>“Always take credit for what other people do.”</p>

<p>class: “It’s cold.”
“Grow some body hair, I realize that’s hard for the asian men.”</p>

<p>“You have friends? How cool.”</p>

<p>“My husband’s a facist.”</p>

<p>“I hate group work. I think it’s dumb.”</p>

<p>“I’m a divine power, deal with it.”</p>

<p>“No matter how much homework you do tonight you will still have homework tomorrow night.”</p>

<p>“You must exhale or you WILL die.”</p>

<p>“All the ugly people should be killed.”</p>

<p>“I must have been severely medicated when I wrote this.”</p>

<p>ben li: “I have to take my SATs tomorrow.”
hinman: “oh i was hungover when i took my SATs… it was the day after homecoming. i did pretty good actually.”</p>

<p>“yeah, i like to make up words sometimes. hey, if our president can do it, why can’t i?”</p>

<p>“with men, its always about who has the bigger… truck”</p>

<p>“faulkner is a sexy, sexy man.”</p>

<p>“I might be happy, I might not. Depends on what medication does for me.”</p>

<p>“It’s [Camus] like Buzz Lightyear, ‘To infinity and beyond!’ Which is why children are so messed up nowadays.”</p>

<p>“Someone flick him in the head”</p>

<p>“Put that in your Facebook!”</p>

<p>“You can make anything into a Venn Diagram”</p>

<p>“Wierd’s fun though…”</p>

<p>“Stupid people bug me.”</p>

<p>“We know that man is horny.”</p>

<p>“Asian food baffles me.”</p>

<p>“Anyone else want to say anything? <em>Charlie raises hand</em> Charlie? Oh god.”</p>

<p>“There are so many *****es in this play, it’s great.”</p>

<p>“I should have just put a picture of a naked lady on the board.”</p>

<p>“I’m really concerned about your lack of intelligence.”</p>

<p>“0, 1 and 4 are my honors kids, 3 and 5 are my b*tches.”</p>

<p>“You should pick a gender and stay with it.”</p>

<p>“Jacob, you’re on crack.”</p>

<p>“I’m offended by drunk people, unless I’m one of them.”</p>

<p>“Do any of you deal with emotion in really wrong ways? Like killing small animals?”</p>

<p>“I have no emotions.”</p>

<p>“You will look sexy carrying this novel with you.”</p>

<p>“Zach, you clearly have some mental difficulties, which explains why you’re friends with Niko.”</p>

<p>“I think you need to go jump off a bridge.”</p>

<p>“My mom leaves church sweaty because she’s a-praisin’.”</p>

<p>“Mom, we just want to see you stoned, come on.”</p>

<p>“Sisyphus was naked in that commercial, and he was hot.”</p>

<p>“I can’t use the green pen because it makes me high.”</p>

<p>“Executionism: the practice of executing. I would be a cool president of the world, thinking of new ways to kill people.”</p>

<p>“Half my family is on an anti-depressant, probably because I’m not. If I was then they wouldn’t need to be. I depress them.”</p>

<p>“Getting an erection might help your pants stay up.”</p>

<p>“Are you just touching yourself? … That didn’t come out quite right.”</p>

<p>“That’s mean. I didn’t say it… just repeated it.”</p>

<p>“Life is punishment.”</p>

<p>“I would be very good at being tortured… Every day feels like torture.”</p>

<p>“Can I slap you for a sec?”</p>

<p>“I don’t know everything, just most things.”</p>

<p>“Everything about Freud is *****.”</p>

<p>“If I punch someone in the face, I will draw blood. Nishant, come up here so we may demonstrate.”</p>

<p>“You guys have severe mental problems.”</p>

<p>“Cheese popcorn is sick. It’s like a bastardized cheeto.”</p>

<p>“Frank thinks I hate him and therefore give him lower than an A+ on his paper, but the truth is I hated him before I graded his first paper and after that as well”</p>

<p>“You guys are thesaurus whoring again. I don’t know how you find the words you do, but they never mean what you think they mean.”</p>

<p>“Some of you are trying to compensate for something by having 17 sentences of nothing before you say nothing.”</p>

<p>“I get bored of my job sometimes so I make up words.”</p>

<p>“Don’t try to apply logic to an illogical existence.”</p>

<p>“I’m stereotyping, but I’m really not that far off.”</p>

<p>“I’m a jackass, what do you want?”</p>

<p>“You heartless jerks, I’ve taught you well.”</p>

<p>“Personal questions…I have not shaved my back in months.”</p>

<p>“I don’t want to see your room, I think that’s illegal.”</p>

<p>“I have like 3 degrees in BS.”</p>

<p>“Orgy porgy.”</p>

<p>“You have just been deflowered by a Russian novel, how does it feel?”</p>

<p>“[My husband’s] a jerk.”</p>

<p>“I had to put a post-it over the nipple for back to school night. It was actually a beautiful nipple, and I wasn’t going to take it down.”</p>

<p>“Dixon’s not a real man anyways. He’s more feminine than I am, but that’s not saying much.”</p>

<p>“I’ll erase you…literally.”</p>

<p>To Frank: “I’m glad that to some people you are funny”</p>

<p>“Believe it or not, Mrs. Lewis and Mrs. Hufferd are way bigger perverts than I am”</p>

<p>Seanna : “Can i have someone from Sunny Hills edit my paper?”
Mrs Hinman : “No, they’re idiots over there. It’s like asking soemone from Canyon high school to spell their name.”</p>

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<p>My English Professor at Drexel told my class that he didn’t have a TV. He was also very dramatic; a great story teller though.</p>