<p>I don’t fully get this situation. It is not as if this guy is the CEO of your company but is the CEO of a company you do business with, if I have that correctly. Other than social functions, I can’t imagine how much contact you’d have with this CEO’s wife (unless she WORKS at his company but I think she no longer does and also likely is not with the baby, if I have this right). So, one thing would be to eliminate evening social contact like parties with this person. Lunch meetings would be fine and I assume his wife would not be present. As far as how she might influence her husband at home about his work affairs, not sure how you can gauge that. Still it is his job and business not hers. I can see a spouse discussing another spouse’s work affairs privately at home but not having THAT much influence in the other person’s job, I just can’t. I don’t have much control with my husband’s business affairs. I can’t imagine anyone at my husband’s job (where he is in charge) caring much at all about my husband’s wife. The only contact they have with me is when I call and ask for my hubby, about a 30 second interchange on the phone! So, while I understand people can’t stand this guy’s fiance and soon to be wife, I can’t imagine having much contact if you eliminate social functions with them as a couple. The guy still runs the business, she doesn’t. If she influences him at home about how he runs his business affairs, and it alters how he does his job THAT much, then it says more about him than her. I can see a wife giving advice and a husband considering or even taking that advice, but in essence, he still is the one DOING the job, not the wife. It is HIS job. I can’t imagine it mattering to others THAT much who the spouse is of a person you do business with (unless again, that spouse WORKS at the business). Also, in this case, this guy is not YOUR boss but runs a business you do business with. If you simply can’t stand his wife, avoid HER. If she has a huge impact on how he carries out his business at work, then I guess you don’t wish to be working with him. But I can’t imagine her having that much say in how he runs his job.</p>
<p>To comment on Soozie’s post, the firing of the employee was what convinced me that the wife had an undue influence on the CEO’s business. I don’t know how long ago it happened. But to me, it does not bode well.</p>
<p>Susan, I have to agree with you. Regardless of the influence she may or may not have, he is the CEO. It’s his business and it’s his choice how much involvement his wife may have. If an independent contractor doesn’t like it, they have the option of severing any business relations but I honestly cannot imagine why it would matter to the degree portrayed here. Eliminate the social aspects of the relationship. Seems pretty clear to me that her behavior is really not the business of someone who happens to do business with her husband. There doesn’t seem to be any indication that it has influenced the business aspects of the relationship so, in my opinion, until it does, don’t get so caught up in it.</p>
<p>OKay I am going out on a limb here and I may be wrong</p>
<p>Is the CEO older and the new wife younger?</p>
<p>And the OP has stated it DOES have an impact, so it does matter…if she feels free to call and berate employees she is involved, and now that she is married, she may very well feel she has a free reign</p>
<p>If she is calling employees, etc she if forcing the employees to get caught up in it and if her husband the CEO does nothing, well it implies she has power, legal or not.</p>
<p>And if there is this wild card like the new wifey thrown into the equation, which creates an environment where one doesn’t know the rules anymore</p>
<p>There is a new player in town who is playing by her own rules with the ref on her side</p>
<p>What to do? If the CEO has acknowledged that she won’t be involved, but she is stepping over that line, and if the CEO is made aware, delicatley to be sure, and it continues, well…</p>
<p>I don’t know much about business, but it sounds as if the various business entities are quite enmeshed, with long-term contracts that involve something other than simple providing of goods, and the CEO is the owner, or at least a major stockholder, of his corporation. In that case, there could be a concern about the role of the new wife if the CEO were to die, or if they were to be divorced. And depending on what kinds of goods or services are involved, there could be a valid concern about the wife having any involvement with the company. Imagine, for example, that the CEO provides accounting services for the other companies. The wife could have access to confidential information, and she has already shown that she has no respect for the privacy of others (reading files on a stranger’s computer). </p>
<p>She sounds malevolent, and her husband is in her thrall. I would not count on the baby to keep her out of trouble for long. In this situation I would try to extricate myself as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>Ahm, I’ve read this entire thread and am still confused. It seems as though you have your own business, but your business is entertwined with other businesses, meaning that, together, you form a virtual firm larger than any of its pieces. Am I on the right track?</p>
<p>OK. If there’s no formal partnership among these businesses, then even without a prenup, all that would happen is that the wife would become the owner of the CEO’s business upon his death, right? Not yours or anyone else’s?</p>
<p>So, unless I’m misreading something, the actual value of your business is not at risk.</p>
<p>Now, I KNOW what it’s like to work with a person so unpleasant that you feel like you want to throw up every time you have to get on the phone with her (and, yes, in my case, it was also a “her”). In that case, I simply found other consulting work to do to fill up all my spare time. If you can easily replace the CEO’s business in your virtual firm (if that’s what it is), and you don’t count on that business to sell and bring in revenue, then I’d say you should walk away.</p>
<p>IF you must replace both the operating expertise of the CEO’s business, and the revenue it generates, the issue becomes more complex. In that case, I’d suggest not giving in to panic and riding it out for a while to see what happens. The worst that could happen is that you have a few more unpleasant experiences. That’s no fun, but it won’t kill you. If it appears that things just aren’t going to work, THEN you can pull out, but the extra time gives you the opportunity to backfill capacity and find new revenue sources, if those are considerations.</p>
<p>Sorry. That’s the best I can do without more info.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for the comments - to try to clarify, she is not “formally” involved in anyone’s business, let alone the ceo’s, but, somehow seems to end up in everything, business and social, and with horrendous results. Once, he had her send email to a group of common clients, and she spelled most of the words wrong in the email. And then signed her name to it on our behalves. </p>
<p>I think we’re collectively in a group of disbelief, shock. To whoever posted that this says more about him, well, yes, it does, and we have always known this, but never understood it: he’s a very normal, highly productive and intelligent person in all other areas of life. He wears nicely tailored suits and is always highly socially concious and very courteous of those around him; he mixes well with high-level executives and government officials. She comparatively wears hair extensions that have grown out and sections of her scalp visible, pops gum loudly everywhere, and wears shirts that are bursting open and more often than not dirty, with buttons etc. missing. She’s exactly the last person we would have thought he would actually marry, and, we cannot tell if she is far younger - we actually cannot determine her age. The hair extensions, makeup etc. make it hard to guess but we’d say somewhere late twenties - mid thirties… </p>
<p>We’ve been in denial about it all along I guess - assuming at some point logic would kick in and he’d change his choice - mostly because it’s so incongruous to everything else about him. </p>
<p>I think I’ll decide to make a clear decision within 24 hours. Tarhunt I don’t know that we have the luxury of waiting. A few of us already set the tone and course yesterday, when we confronted him to define her role and placement in business matters, and I gave him clear examples of how her involvement and influence on business affairs has already had a negative impact, and expressed my concerns, and outlined my expectations. As you might imagine, my comments weren’t well received…</p>
<p>We’re very, very worried, those of us who are female far more than the males in our group - they think everything will be o.k. for a while, but the horizon is maybe five years…</p>
<p>latetoschool, my husband worked at a small company where the smart, well-educated CEO fell under the sway of his girlfriend.</p>
<p>Trust your gut. It’s telling you that she will cause trouble, and there is a good chance you are right.</p>
<p>For others who are mystified by the OP’s concern, the new wife could easily ask her husband for a job at the company – maybe something part-time to get her out of the house after the baby has arrived! Obviously, something at her husband’s business will give her much more influence and stature than any job she could find on her own.</p>
<p>Once she has any kind of job at the company (something the OP and her colleagues would most likely be powerless to stop), she is sure to create a great deal of mischief, and no one will be in a position to fire her.</p>
<p>Obviously there is much more intrigue here than you are able to post. It’s not a clear and easy situation. So, since you have already spoken to the man about his wife and everyone’s distaste for her, I would make it clear to him that you will sever the relationship at the very next sign of trouble. I would make it very clear that to do business with you , he accepts that she will not be involved in any social events. And that if she is and begins trouble again, your relationship is over. I am surprised that this man has not jumped to her defense, as most spouses would. But, if he already knows and has acknowledged how interfering and annoying she is, he can’t be surprised that he will lose business contacts because of it. Does he stand to lose money if you sever your relationship? Can you make up the difference with other contacts? His obnoxious wife shouldn’t be your problem. He should be paying the price for her behavior, not you or some poor assistant.</p>
<p>Fendrock, then you know what I’m talking about. Part of the reason it’s so shocking is that when you have an otherwise very intelligence, smart business person, who is well educated, world traveled, well-groomed, courteous and kind to others, etc., it’s inconceivable and we just all sort of ignored things never imagining it would get to a marriage. He is oblivious to the harm she causes and as we have seen, fires people close to him who confront him. </p>
<p>Tanyanubin, you’re right, I don’t really want to post any more and didn’t even want to be posting the first time. It feels icky and sleezy to be gossiping about other people like this and it feels wrong to be using CC in this manner. We are just all so collectively shocked and stunned and I couldn’t reach my best friend because we are on conflicting travel schedules this week and I just cannot get my head around it. We do all stand to lose significant revenue, but, to at least half of us, the choice seems to be, lose it now, on our terms, or, lose it at some point later, on her terms, as a result of her influence. </p>
<p>He doesn’t seem to notice or care what this relationship costs him. He fired his exec assistant with NO warning, and with no grounds. It’s been a year since it happened and from what I hear she is still recovering from what the matter did to her, as this woman had been very abusive to her leading up to the day she was fired. What happened next was the ceo has a new exec assistant, personally selected by this woman, and, she’s six feet tall, weighs 400 pounds (no threat) and is hopelessly incompetent. None of us can stand having to deal with her…</p>
<p>Oh well. The six of us have decided to meet tonight to decide as a group what we are going to do.</p>
<p>LTS, as much as I dislike them, in this situation if you decide to terminate the business relationship, please consider consulting a lawyer. This is a complicated situation with serious business and financial implications. Please make a clear business decision, not a personal one. AND get a lawyer.</p>
<p>OH YOKO…</p>
<p>It would help if you could tell us what industries you and your partners are in. I am assuming the “ceo” runs a service that allows yours and others some sort of referral into business. A “team” of independent businesses. </p>
<p>Manopause has struck your associate. Women have menopause which shows the signs of the body changing. Some men at that age suffer from manopause. That is their body is changing to and they tend to make more stupid decisions from their crotch, rather than the tub on top of the head. </p>
<p>What you see on the outside is distasteful to you, he doesn’t care because of what she provides him somewhere emotionally and physically is what he wants. Lot’s of men fall into this trap. </p>
<p>She’s there and will be for a while. If you could tell us what industries are involved, we could have a better perspective of your business prospects.</p>
<p>I’m a woman, and I’ve worked in professional business situations for 36 years. I don’t clearly understand the business relationships here but, LTS, I do trust your assessment of what the potential outcomes are here.</p>
<p>Basically, there are two possible outcomes: Get out now, before anything awful happens, or get out later, after the ***** has hit the fan. The possibility of nothing happening and everything proceeding in a wonderful manner doesn’t seem likely at all.</p>
<p>I think you should terminate the relationship now, on your OWN terms. If you wait a month or a year or five years and decide to terminate, by then the wifey will have information about you and your colleagues that she doesn’t have right now. She will spread mallicious gossip about you all. She will have made you nuts, ruined your reputations, and poisoned the CEO against you. If you terminate things now, you can do it by saying that the focus of your business has changed, or you now have more clients that you can handle, or that someone who focuses on helping his business is moving on, so you no longer have the right resources . . . . whatever makes moderate sense.</p>
<p>You will never win in this situation. Cut your losses and move on.</p>
<p>I am not a business person- but my “expertise” is based on dealing with persons with Difficult Personalities (not hubby or kids- but blood lines (yeah I know my kids are blood- but thank goodness they do not exhibit those traits). the type of people you don’t run away from-no matter how hard you want to)</p>
<p>re-read what Jym626 said- Wife may have a personality disorder- i.e narcisstic–histrionic etc (I’m no psychologist either) but these type of personalities are extremely distructive and will suck the life out of you.
Most people can not even fathom what we go through. Unless you have dealt with this personality, you are absolutely Clueless. And you should all hope to G-d that it remains that way.
Take VeryHappy’s advice and end the relationship Now- on your own terms.<br>
Good luck!!</p>
<p>We just can’t get over it, really. Almost every single married couple each of us knows is - well - they’re very well matched; they make “sense” - similar - in levels of education, intellectual curiousity, profession, manner of dress, social presence, and, the longer married, the more alike they seem to be, and the more gracious and in tune with each other they seem to become.</p>
<p>These two couldn’t possibly be more different. It’s amazing. He’s exactly what you’d expect from a typical conservative, honest, successful ceo - in manner, dress, reputation, work ethic, education, etc. She isn’t any of those things…one of the men in our group actually speculated extensively last year that she’s addicted to cocaine, because she always has a running nose, and often wipes her nose on the sleeve of her clothing…</p>
<p>Once, she sent me an email where - because of the subject matter - typed the name of his company in six different places. In four of the six places, she misspelled the name of his company - and she spelled it incorrectly four different ways. Now, the ceo’s company is three words, one syllable each. How can you be intimate with someone and not know how to spell the name of the company they lead, especially considering these are very simple words, and her native language is english??? That’s not the end of the world of course, but, can you imagine how we freak at the prospect of her at a client dinner, or in email communications that may be associated to the rest of us?</p>
<p>Well, she will be seen as associated with him…</p>
<p>My concern would be HIM losing other business and how that might affect you…if she has her fingers in this , you know she has it everywhere and he may make poor business decisions based on her imut</p>
<p>Little brain is thinking here for the CEO…</p>
<p>How old is the CEO, is this his first marriage, does he have children?</p>
<p>LTS essentially you have judged the CEO’s g/f/wife - and don’t care for what you see or have experienced - she does not meet your expected standards as his g/f and now as his wife - which is HIS choice - no matter what others may think of her - and it is unacceptable to you and your other business associates. </p>
<p>Feeling that her actions will have a negative effect on your business relationship with the CEO is written all over your posts. You disagree with HIS choices - and you have NO control over that at all. What he chooses to include her in - or let her be a part of is completely out of your control.</p>
<p>If you and your buisiness associates are not able to come to some type of terms relating to her existance - than it is time for all of you to cut and run - you will never change the CEO’s mind - actually it may make the whole situation much more uncomfortable for all involved.</p>
<p>All you can do is be upfront and honest - which you say you have done with the CEO - he didn’t take it well from what you stated - why would he - you are riling against his choice of a g/f/wife - and bringing it into the business relationship. IF this is a situation that you are not willing to deal with - then get out of it. He will react negatively if he is feeling threatened in any way - to include any type of attacks against his choices.</p>
<p>He will learn in the long run - what is really happening in his private life and how it effects his professional life/business - and maybe that is what it will take for him to wake up - but in the meantime - you have choices to make as well.</p>
<p>what business? Please it’s not like anyone will know it’s “you”.</p>
<p>Some business situations have different solutions to problems, others you don’t. You could gather better advice with better information, Or are you just venting and don’t want to hear a solution?</p>
<p>It matters not one iota if one’s business is electric dog polishers or fur-lined sinks or psychic readings or perhaps something a little more useful such as any common widget or service. Fact is, people do business with people that they like, and that they are comfortable with. Reputation is everything - and - fair or not - business decisions are made heavily weighted on reputation, and, associates can and do impact reputations greatly.</p>
<p>Most people are going to sort of run the other way from people who strike them as odd, or inappropriate, or - in some very unfair cases - just simply different. </p>
<p>Years ago a very good friend of mine quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey because at a public function one of his mentors told him “do not ever, ever let anyone in this group see you smoking even one cigarette. If they do, they will ostracize you so fast it will make your head spin, and, you can consider your career over”. I think that’s very true and I also tend to make those sorts of blanket decisions: send me an email with a bunch of words spelled incorrectly, or arrive for a business function dressed inappropriately, and it’s game over - the person gets no “do overs” with me. The only exception might be the person new to the workforce, perhaps a recent college graduate or someone still in school who has not had the opportunity to be mentored and groomed.</p>
<p>In your ^ post LTS - you have answered your own question then. Time to go…</p>