We're so appalled - and - shocked

Parent Cafe
41

<p>LTS, I do take your word for it that this woman is insufferable. That said, I’m not sure I am understanding how she would explicitly impact the bottom line of the CEO’s company. For example, at the dinner your group had, the one where this woman was rude to one of your employees and called the next day to criticize the function - was this woman just an invited guest to this thing or was the function thrown FOR their company, for instance to promote it? If the latter, I don’t find that too far out of my own experiences in the business world. Lots of wives can and do take an interest in the way a social function for their husband’s company is run and do consider it their business to set things right or complain to the appropriate people if a function is not running smoothly. Not sure if that was the case here.</p>

<p>Still, a lot of the things you have said about this woman would annoy anyone, and you do paint a picture of a very bizarre and unpleasant person. Is the business one that relies extensively on business dinners and social functions to pull together and sell deals? If your job is to make the CEO and his company look good in some way, whether directly or through mutual business efforts, I can understand your feeling of not wanting to be associated and having your own company’s reputation affected. Not knowing more about the kind of business you do, I also take your word for it that that is a valid concern you have in this case.</p>

<p>This all may be moot by now anyway, as you have said that the CEO has not taken kindly to the criticisms of his new wife’s involvement in the company. That would have to factor in to things, too, however, it’s possible that given a few days to think about all this, the guy will see that there is some truth to what you all have been saying and give you the assurances you are seeking. So maybe the thing to do is not act immediately, but give the CEO the chance to think over what’s been said. Human nature being what it is, though, I am sure that he will continue to defend his wife - I’m sure she tells him a much different version of the events you’ve mentioned. </p>

<p>On another note, I have seen all kinds of mismatched couples through both business and personal relationships. Sometimes you do scratch your head and wonder. But not an uncommon scenario, in my experience.</p>

42

<p>“Or are you just venting and don’t want to hear a solution?”</p>

<p>Well, your response to my question answered this one. Thanks. </p>

<p>If you need to avoid telling what industry you particpate in, even without saying who you are… </p>

<p>Advice is different for different occupations, sorry. I was trying to offer advice, you are just looking for people to agree with you. My bad.</p>

43

<p>I think ebeeee has the right of it. You probably should get legal advice. You said you have contracts in place with this person, I think. Are they set up so that you can just walk away at any time without giving a reason? And what about defamation? Given that the things people are saying about his wife are likely going to give his business a big hit in the pocketbook, are you 100% sure that ya’ll haven’t crossed the line anywhere? </p>

<p>Not saying that you have, just saying that a lawyer could help you better understand what, if any, consequences there may be to severing the relationship vs. the consequences of staying in it.</p>

44

<p>Latetoschool,</p>

<p>You and your friends should hire an attorney to give you some sound advice. </p>

<p>If you’re coming to CC for fiduciary counsel about your livelihood, you have bigger problems than the Boss’s wife.</p>

45

<p>From the tone of all your posts, LTS, it sounds to me like you’ve made up your mind. You are clearly uncomfortable with this situation (which is extremely reasonable) and you want to disconnect. But I disagree that you should be “honest” about why you are taking your business relationship in a different direction. I think if any situation called for a little white lie/diplomacy, this is it. You should disengage on good terms. You never know when/how you might want to re-establish a business relationship with this fellow, whether you might be indirectly in some working or social situation with him again and the wife may not be around for the long term anyway. But do not put him on the defensive, and don’t put down his wife. Love is blind, and no matter how tactful you are, it will not sit well. To tell someone you are ending a relationship because they have lousy taste in a wife just cant possibly go well. I wouldn’t go there. Let him save face and come up with another polite reason. Just my opinion.</p>

46

<p>ten characters</p>

47

<p>Suze-
With all due respect, ■■■■■■ are people who write snarky posts and/or engage in name calling, typically to make people mad. Kinda like your post # 47. …</p>

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<p>The thing is suze has a point. Why such great detail about the other woman, yet none about the business? It’s secret, yet I can trash someone on the web without anyone saying wait a second, is this an over statement? </p>

<p>LFS has been asking business advice about a business lfs is unwilling to disclose… what would best practices be for a law firm or a auto body repair shop be in this case? the same? I don’t think so. </p>

<p>This other person has been drug through the mud and everybody’s jumped on the bandwagon without actually knowing this person. This person is just someone we already have in our minds to begin with and LFS comments fit a notion in our heads, myself included as to what’s going on. </p>

<p>Then when it comes down to asking what profession or professions LFS and her associates are in, she fails to give any detail while at the same time going into detail about how the other woman wipes her nose?</p>

49

<p>I have a feeling this is multi-level marketing. I don’t know of any other line of work where the people are so enmeshed in each other’s private lives. Remember the bit LTS posted about how smoking in front of people like these could be career-ending? When someone I know was involved with one of the big MLMs, there were all sorts of “rules” like this–even bowling was taboo.</p>

50

<p>“have a feeling this is multi-level marketing”</p>

<p>Bingo, that’s what I was smelling too…</p>

<p>Lot’s of evasion to a simple question “what business are you in?”</p>

<p>ME? not that anybody is asking, insurance (the people kind) and investments (the securities kind). I’m sure if someone tried really hard they could figure out who I am from my posts, but all that would mean is they have alot of time on thier hands.</p>

51

<p>LOL, you’re free to assume I’m a ■■■■■ if you like - I’m not concerned about that one way or the other. I do think though if I were, it would be more fun to reinvent myself as a Harvard graduate, or the mother of nine children (in order to have the foundation for lots and lots of posts) or something. </p>

<p>In any case, for those who have offered advice, we had our meeting last night, and while it went on way too long, we did come away with the decision to end the relationship. Some of the participants had excellent ideas and input - up to and including that maybe we’re the ones with the problem - and that we should make some effort to engage her and work with her to see if we can develop an improved relationship - that I almost wish we could have tried, but, the bottom line is that to a person we decided that anything that has us this weirded out is probably all the signal we need that it’s time to make changes. </p>

<p>Opie, I do agree with you on one point - it’s wrong to drag people through the mud, and gossip about them, on the internet or in any other context, and I think I have already posted this. I think it’s creepy and awful to start a thread like this, and part of me feels very sorry for this woman and expectant mother, difficult as she is. Trust me when I tell you that it does not feel very good at all to write these sorts of posts - it feels creepy and mean-spirited, as if I am unfairly harming someone, and, I almost feel the need to shower to get clean again. I would also hate to be a person that a group of people have meetings about how to avoid, etc. This thinking sort of bubbled up at our meeting last night. But then we kept circling back to, yes, but, regardless of how we all arrived at the conclusions that we have, it bothers us THIS much, specifically due to our past experiences, which are very real, and hard to get past. It bothers us so much that we’re having meetings to decide what to do about it, and at least one of us is starting a thread about it. THAT’s a sign of a very serious problem (whether it’s our problem or hers), therefore, regardless of who is more or less “right”, it only makes sense to terminate the relationship. She has the right to be who and what she is; we have the right to decide that this is in conflict with what we need and want. And, we also shouldn’t feel guilty about our individual as well as collective need to have balanced, sane, rational business dealings without worrying about drama and what I consider to be abuse. </p>

<p>Regarding legal counsel, we do have a very competent lawyer who does mostly contractual work and one of us has been tasked with scheduling an appointment to meet with her hopefully next week to make sure there isn’t anything we’re overlooking in how we terminate the relationship, and, we haven’t even thought of exactly what to say. I’m sure we’ll get to that next week.</p>

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<p>Suze, this may come as a surprise to you, but, people have the right to believe as they wish, regardless of if it fits in - or how much it may fit in - with popular belief. I’m very, very right wing, have never disguised it, and am very polarized in my beliefs. I’ve even gone so far as to post that I voted for Bush twice, and would vote for him yet a third time if he could run for reelection (unless someone better happened to step up, but I don’t see a viable candidate on the horizon for 2008 and don’t think there’s anyone coming) - a position that is way out outside the norm and likely even very inimical not only to the majority in this community, but the majority of Americans, and for that matter the rest of the world. But guess what? I don’t care. I’m not interested in impressing anyone, or fitting in, or winning brownie points, or making new friends. I’m interested in what is real, because one can only impactively operate from what is real. I also happen to think that disparate points of view are very interesting and educational: I’ve never learned anything from anyone who agreed with me 100% of the time. There are other people who think very, very differently, obviously. But their points of view don’t threaten or frighten me - disparate points of view provoke me to think and examine my positions, and even if the outcome of such exercise is that I come away even more strongly convinced of my point of view, there is extraordinary value in that process.</p>

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<p>Opie, it should be clear even on a cursory reading of this thread that LTS is trying to maintain some amount of anonymity in the process that they feel will be compromised by more detail on the type of business. Why keep asking? To ridicule the position taken you don’t need more detail. Are you afraid it might be someone you know?</p>

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<p>Now to my good friend LTS. What the heck were you thinking posting this thread? :eek: It was heading to the dirt from the beginning. My gosh, the next time you feel the need to hoist yourself on your own petard, p.m. some friends instead. :wink: I am a veteran petard hoister. I speak with the authority of one who has started threads that I just wished I could erase so that the arrows and crap would stop raining down on my head. But you just can’t get that genie back in the bottle. </p>

<p>This is a trainwreck. My many trainwrecks tell me to tell you, just move along. The helpful advice you were gonna get , you got. :wink: Just apologize for offending anybody and get on down the road.</p>

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<p>I do agree with Opie’s concern that we are being asked to give an opinion without all of the data. I have noticed that Opie has politely asked several times for a bit more information about the nature of the business, but LTS has steadfastly chosen not to share/respond. One time her response to this request was rather harsh, IMO. Yes, I agree, this is bothersome, and I have to wonder why this business arena is such a “secret”. But what I think what we are really being asked for in this thread is merely to support her and her colleagues decision to disengage from this CEO. We are getting one side of the story (of course) and I really haven’t seen LTS post anything positive about the wife. So of course we are likely to say “run away” because that seems to be the logical conclusion.</p>

<p>I am anything but right wing, and if the “provocative posts to get attention” occur in those insufferable political threads, I would not have seen them, as I steer far, far, FAR away from those threads. If LTS posts in those threads the way that people like Dorothy_ParkerX or Fountainsiren do, then yes I agree that they would meet your definition of a ■■■■■, Suze. But I am not sure why you dragged in CGM and called her a “younger bimbo”, or make reference to LTS’s “properly raised daughter” here. That seemed to come out of nowhere, and seemed like just an opportunity to take a pot shot. </p>

<p>There are some posters that clearly rub me the wrong way with their constant mocking, sarcastic tones, and I get a visceral response whenever I see their name on a post. It ususally means that the thread will be taken in a bad direction and a confrontation will ensue. Yuk. I must admit that the opportunity to express our distain with certain posters, especially if/when they are being particularly rude, condescending, supercilious, taunting or obnoxious does bring certain comfort, but I didn’t see LTS doing that here. Just the ducking/weaving of the request for more info about the nature of the business. Anyway, its early in the morning and I need my cup of coffee. Just my $.02</p>

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<p>As someone who has had offline contacts with LTS, I can say that her desire not to discuss the exact nature of her work is a wise one. As well, it is the sort of business where personal behavior (manners, clothing style) is important. As can be gleaned from LTS’s posts, a lot of it is contract work, and therefore the need for dealing with clients must be fairly frequent. And as can be seen from LTS’s posts, it may well involve clients who are conservative in their outlook and their social behavior.</p>

<p>All our posts are going to be one-sided, whether to complain about a friend who’s being rude, a GC who’s incompetent, etc… </p>

<p>Although I do not agree with many, perhaps most, of LTS’s positions on a number of issues, I have always enjoyed her posts; I admire her achievements tremendously. There are very few posters on CC who are as articulate as LTS. We should not wish to be helpful, if only by bending an ear, only to those with whom we agree on everything.</p>

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<p>

My sentiments “perxactly”. Well put, marite. Anyway, where would any of US find people that agree with our positions all the time? LOL. We are an opinionated bunch.</p>

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<p>LTS, it sounds as if your group made the right decision, considering your circumstances, and you must be feeling somewhat relieved this morning. As you’re all savvy businesspeople, I’m sure you’re prepared for any downside that may occur as a result of the CEO’s possible annoyance/hurt feelings/puzzlement.</p>

<p>No one’s brought it up, but this struck me yesterday as I read the thread:

But don’t you miss out on some geniuses that way? Or maybe yours isn’t the kind of business that interacts with brilliant eccentrics, a number of whom can’t spell, or dress well? Not challenging here - just wondering.</p>

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<p>LTS, I have to agree with curmudgeon here that if you felt the need for internet advice on what you seem to believe is such an important business issue, then you probably should have PM’d a few friends you may have here at CC. You have admitted yourself that this type of discussion makes you feel unsettled, then why post it?! We tell our children endlessly not to post things on the internet which may come back to haunt them. This, despite your ‘anonymity’, is a perfect example. You have no idea who is reading this forum and who may know one of the individuals involved, who you have made readily identifiable. A little reading and you yourself would be identifiable. Many of us here who don’t know you, and who have never corresponded with you off the forum, could still list several identifying factors about you and your daughter, so someone involved in a particular aspect of your life, whether it be personal or business, could even more easily know who you are from your posts. The other aspect of this whole discussion is that it is just not good business practice to be discussing such issues on the internet with strangers. Very unprofessional. I would recommend that you contact a moderator and request that this discussion be deleted.</p>

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<p>I was waiting for the part about the CEO being the alleged father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby… :eek:</p>